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WhalePrintPants

Dolittle (2020)

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Took my 7 year old to see this and....wow.

Downey’s accent is indecipherable. I caught 20% of his dialogue.  Occillates between Irish, Scottish, English and even Welsh.   Every word seemed to be ADR as well. 

Because of the accent I literally had no idea what the plot was for a good portion of the film.

Banderas plays some sort of Spanish ruler/king and his accent is only slightly more intelligible. Everyone is just doing a bad riff on Jack Sparrow. 

The film takes place in the 19th century yet the animals talk like millennial shitheads and use phrases like “Snitches get stitches.” 

The biggest waste of Jim Broadbwnt ever. 

Dragon enema. 

Zouks as a dragonfly was literally the highlight of the film. 

The last three films I took my son to are Malefecent 2, Rise of Skywalker and Dolittle.  So....movies suck now? 

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I was surprised to see the reviews for this as the biggest common complaint I saw was how only really the youngest of kids might find enjoyment from it, despite the trailers making it seem like a serious-ish film for all ages. Yet considering that Disney released nearly ten films last year that grossed over a billion dollars, I guess they can afford to have one bomb a year.

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Robert Downey should skip the "only doing fucking awful cash grabs" portion of his career that Eddie Murphy went through (and is hopefully finally out with the absolutely amazing My Name is Dolemite) and just be picky about what he wants to do. I cant imagine it was a small amount of money he made from his run on the Marvel movies, I feel like he has a bit more freedom than starring in lazy shit like this. 

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Having never seen the Eddie Murphy ones I can’t say that this was the worst Dolittle, but it sure has a shot at the crown.

I fear that since Jason is one of the roles that means we won’t ever get a crack at this.

The simple fact that the main plot point that we build toward is a dragon colonoscopy and a dragon fart is reason enough to do this one!!! Nevermind Downey’s “welsh” accent or the fact that the animals reference Star Trek and quote Nelson Mandela. It also makes the point that with a few weeks practice (depending on how long that boat ride was) that anyone can learn multiple animal languages.

The only explanation for this movie is that Downey does bump his head early on in the movie and I can only hope the rest of the movie is a Jacob’s Ladder scenario.

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Just to show what a sandpaper handjob 2020 has been, even though this was a bomb that lost Universal, which I thought this was originally a Disney flick, $100 million at the box office, it is still the sixth highest grossing movie of the year. I get how it could get the cast that it had with multiple Oscar winners and big names doing voices, but holy shit their salaries really had to add on to the budget along with Downey's huge paycheck and all of the CGI, but at least try to make something that resembles a movie. In concern to the accent, Downey basically agreed to do the movie hearing the pitch for it, then Googling "weirdest Welsh Doctor" and finding a picture of this doctor from the 1800s who was a neo-Pagan who thought he could talk to nature, sent that pic to the director who thought it looked cool, and then said he would do the movie. He is literally the Family Guy joke of how Ben Affleck developed his English accent.

 

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