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Episode 232 - The Adventures of Pinocchio: LIVE!

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Live from Chicago, Paul, June, and Jason discuss the 1996 fantasy adventure film The Adventures of Pinnochio starring Martin Landau and Jonathan Taylor Thomas. They talk about Geppetto and Pinocchio getting in a bathtub, donkey transformations, Pepe the talking cricket, and much more.
 
This episode is brought to you by The Daily Show Podcast Universe, LoveBooks (www.lovebookonline.com/bonkers), and Future Fit (www.future.com/bonkers).
 
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One thing that I thought was funny that wasn't touched on in the episode was at the beginning of the whale scene.  When Pinocchio enters, Geppetto says that Pinocchio looks so skinny and asks if he has eaten.  First, it's been like 3 hours since he last seen him, it's not like he would be withering away.  And secondly, he's a puppet.  He doesn't lose weight.  My only thought is that maybe he was referring to the bullet holes after being shot.   But that didn't make him skinny.

 

P.s. loved the show and it was great meeting you.

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I have a theory as to why JTT-Pinnochio wanted a "wooden girl" even though he was a real boy.

It was a set-up for a Pinnochio/Mannequin crossover movie.

Picture it.  It's the 90s, and Pinnochio has been living alone for centuries because Gepetto couldn't carve an adequate girlfriend.  As it turned out, Pinnochio is a huge asshole, one girlfriend wasn't "adequately sanded in certain areas", one was rejected because Gepetto ran out of wood, and we can't even talk about the time Gepetto brought him a girlfriend that he carved out of mahogany.

Now, living as "Pete", he moves to America, and becomes a carpenter.  He walks through a department store, sees a particularly fetching manneqiuin, and the magic happens.

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Wait -- In this grandmother's story, the child was killed? Then who related the parts of the story when he was alone?!? This just does not stand up to scrutiny. Oh, also the talking meat part, I guess.  Actually it's kinda a gift of the Magi retelling. "I got hamburger meat to feed you, but you've been turned into hamburger meat for me to buy. Oh, how we laughed."

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Seems to not have made the cut on the ep but at the show Jason started in almost immediately at how weirdly pervy and sexual this movie could be and I agreed completely. The very first sentence that we hear Martin Landau speak is "This log has a will of its own." To which I could only respond, "That's what she said." This totally set the tone for me for the whole rest of this bonkers movie. So many wood puns turned double entendre. The wallpaper on Paul's Mac would attest to the perv quotient of this movie as well. 

Both shows were so great! 6 for 6 at Chicago shows and they just keep getting better!  Thanks guys!  And check out this Jason-being-a-creeper progression during our photo op, had no clue why the lady taking the photos was taking so many pictures and laughing so hard until hours later! 

hdtgm creeper jason 3.jpg

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When Pinocchio and Geppetto were climbing out of whale Lorenzini so Pinocchio can lie in order to break free under him, I noticed his regular puppet ears and his ripped out donkey ears were being switched back and forth from different shots.

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Fun fact about the Chicago Theater: stickers are not allowed in the venue, because someone might stick one on some vintage molding or something like that. So I was stopped mid-distribution of the "John" / "Tall" stickers that some of you may have seen there. 

Paul, I sent you an envelope full of stickers but it got returned to me for some reason, so I still owe you some. 

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  Something I don't  think ever got explicitly address is that, I believe the Cricket  was suppose to be dead and we were seeing his ghost!
This is not a reach for a  Jacob's Ladder scenario, however one element of the source material that never got mentioned was that (in the source material)  when Pinocchio meets the talking cricket who warns him about being disobedient, Pinocchio throws a hammer at him and kills him. 

In the movie, when Pinocchio comes across the cricket there is a line to the affect of: "Ow, watch your step" (or something) that is said just off camera. Then we see the cricket with this weird ethereal glow around him that's never explained.  I believe it was a subtle nod to the original story without having to definitively say, in a kids movie, that the cricket died.

I was at the live show. A great time as always!

 

 

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Pinnochio is basically like a new born baby in a lot of ways in this movie. He doesn't know what anything is, how things work etc... yet the first day he's "alive" he follows the boys to school sits in class (no one notices or cares which is a whole topic in itself) but he knows how to lie immediately! He can barely speak coherently but somehow already knows what lies are, how to lie, and under what circumstances a person would lie...?? 

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OK, so I'm no expert on Italian culture or the original Pinocchio novel, but at 59:21 into the movie am I insane or are these kids eating rocks out of a bottle?

Rocks.png.2a50a69c87fea4f36636fb62b4d5991a.png

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Guys, you think it's too late to call Social Services on Pauls parents?

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56 minutes ago, Molester Stallone said:

OK, so I'm no expert on Italian culture or the original Pinocchio novel, but at 59:21 into the movie am I insane or are these kids eating rocks out of a bottle?

 

who hasn't sipped uncooked pasta out of a laboratory flask once or twice in their day?

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This might be just a be a note for Paul since his comment from the Live show  was edited out of the final podcast:

As Paul has mentioned before, in the live show they show the trailer beforehand  to the audience. When he came out afterwards and they were talking about it, he made mention of the odd choice of music for the trailer.  What he maybe didn't realize at the time is that it is the song "A Kind of Magic" by Queen.  I thought he would have connected the dots when he mentions that Brian May (of Queen) did the music for the movie and did indeed write the opera in it. 

Maybe he doesn't remember even saying that, but thought to at least mention it here. It obviously makes sense when you know of May's involvement (although still not a super fitting song outside of having the word "magic" in it I guess). 

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1 hour ago, Omaxem said:

Guys, you think it's too late to call Social Services on Pauls parents?

 

Yes, but it's never too late for revenge.

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The issues with having Pinocchio in Lorenzini's puppet show was addressed from a couple of different angles, but I also wondered what the appeal was for Lorenzini?  He clearly wanted Pinocchio for his show, but why?  You have trained puppeteers who can make the dolls move and act however you want.  But it would seem like it would be a lot of extra trouble trying to teach a sentient doll all of the songs and how to act in the show.  Why go through that headache?

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So I actually spoke at the lie show AND I WAS WRONG. I felt so bad I called the Paul help line to correct myself. I told everyone that they were turned into donkeys for their skin. But I  thought I had mis-remembered.  Only boys who don't study get "donkey fever" . And only Pinocchio was going to be turned into a drum because he ended up breaking his leg ( as a donkey) in a circus and being sold to a guy who wanted him for his skin for a drum.  So I go to double check and now I'm more confused than ever.  Because it looks like I found a short story called Donkey Fever . 

 

I usually listen to the episodes and look things up that I want to talk about and somehow found this.  So then I went back and ended up reading the chapters in the original book. It turns out that I was sort of right and sort of wrong?

So the Coachman basically lures children to ToyLand where they get Donkey Fever from not studying and being good. This is apparently his business model. He then sells the former little boys. ( When he meets Pinocchio and his friend Candlewick he fucking bites a donkey's eat off but pretends he's giving it a kiss? HOW DO YOU FAKE A KISS FOR BITING A GIDDAMN EAR OFF!!?) Pinocchio is then sold to a circus where he breaks a leg or something to that effect ( the book says he goes lame) while performing. He's THEN sold to the man who wants to turn him into a drum and that man throws him into the sea.

And Candlewick you ask? Well I have the 1916 version which isn't as hard core but apparently he FUCKING DIES FROM BEING OVERWORKED AND ABUSED . 

I CAN'T STRESS ENOUGH HOW THIS WAS ACTUALLY WRITTEN FOR CHILDREN IN A CHILDREN'S MAGAZINE

 

Should I call again and apologize for calling in very late and tried and messing  yet again? Should you guys just start a shame bell walk for my lack of clarity! I'm normally so precise on research!

( Tbf at the show I had a really awful time with the theater management and if you saw two women having panic attacks on the lobby that was me and my friend hi!)

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5 hours ago, CaptainGeech said:

  Something I don't  think ever got explicitly address is that, I believe the Cricket  was suppose to be dead and we were seeing his ghost!
This is not a reach for a  Jacob's Ladder scenario, however one element of the source material that never got mentioned was that (in the source material)  when Pinocchio meets the talking cricket who warns him about being disobedient, Pinocchio throws a hammer at him and kills him. 

In the movie, when Pinocchio comes across the cricket there is a line to the affect of: "Ow, watch your step" (or something) that is said just off camera. Then we see the cricket with this weird ethereal glow around him that's never explained.  I believe it was a subtle nod to the original story without having to definitively say, in a kids movie, that the cricket died.

I was at the live show. A great time as always!

 

 

In the original book Pinocchio kills him with a hammer as you mentioned and his ghost does pop up 

"Poor Pinocchio! I really pity you!"

"Why do you pity me?"

"Because you are a puppet and, what is worse, because you have a wooden head."

At these last words Pinocchio jumped up in a rage and, snatching a wooden hammer from the bench, he threw it at the Talking-Cricket.

Perhaps he never meant to hit him, but unfortunately it struck him exactly on the head, so that the poor Cricket had scarcely breath to cry "Cri-cri-cri!" and then he remained dried up and flattened against the wall. "

The fairy has her servants fetch Pinocchio from the tree after he is hung and calls three doctors, A Crow, an Owl, and what I can only assume is the Talking Cricket's ghost?

"And you—have you nothing to say?" asked the Fairy of the Talking-Cricket.

"In my opinion, the wisest thing a prudent doctor can do, when he does not know what he is talking about, is to be silent. For the rest, that puppet there has a face that is not new to me. I have known him for some time!"

Pinocchio, who up to that moment had lain immovable, like a real piece of wood, was seized with a fit of convulsive trembling that shook the whole bed.

"That puppet there," continued the Talking-Cricket, "is a confirmed rogue."

Pinocchio opened his eyes, but shut them again immediately.

"He is a ragamuffin, a do-nothing, a vagabond."

Pinocchio hid his face beneath the clothes.

"That puppet there is a disobedient son who will make his poor father die of a broken heart!"

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2 hours ago, Smigg. said:

 

Yes, but it's never too late for revenge.

Don't you dare I love Paul's mom with all my heart. She lives above a mall! 

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5 hours ago, AlmostAGhost said:

 

pinocchio-the-adventures-of-pinocchio-19

Will I never be free? Will this vile image haunt me until my dying days?

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1 minute ago, gigi-tastic said:

Don't you dare I love Paul's mom with all my heart. She lives above a mall! 

 

Oh, a mall, you say?
 

 

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I cannot stress how much this fucked up monstrosity  WAS WRITTEN EXPLICITLY FOR CHILDREN. Normally most original fairy tales were stories originally told for adults. Not Pinocchio! It was published in one of Italy's first weekly children's magazines Giornale per i bambini .  ( Google translate tells me this means Newspaper for children) This was for Kids!!! Lynching, cricket murder, burning off Pinocchio's feet, being turned into a fucking donkey and abused and overworked to death by a farmer.... This is just your average late 19th century addition of Highlights y'all!  This movie had no chance but to be a monstrous horror show ok?! PINOCCHIO IS THE DEVIL'S CHILDREN'S BOOK DO YOU HEAR ME

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The studio must have really thought this movie was going to be a bigger deal than it was.  I was reading an article about it written back in 1996 where the director, Steve Barron (who also directed the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie) says that it took two years just to get the songs rights.  Stevie Wonder wrote and performed two songs for the movie.

I also discovered that this film actually had trading cards.

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Not surprisingly, the majority of the cards seem to feature Jonathan Taylor Thomas despite him being in the film for less than five minutes.  And for those of you who are thinking this is the only way to get an Udo Kier trading card, you would be wrong.  He is also featured in trading cards for Barb Wire, another HDTGM classic.

 

 

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8 minutes ago, gigi-tastic said:

I cannot stress how much this fucked up monstrosity  WAS WRITTEN EXPLICITLY FOR CHILDREN. Normally most original fairy tales were stories originally told for adults. Not Pinocchio! It was published in one of Italy's first weekly children's magazines Giornale per i bambini .  ( Google translate tells me this means Newspaper for children) This was for Kids!!! Lynching, cricket murder, burning off Pinocchio's feet, being turned into a fucking donkey and abused and overworked to death by a farmer.... This is just your average late 19th century addition of Highlights y'all!  This movie had no chance but to be a monstrous horror show ok?! PINOCCHIO IS THE DEVIL'S CHILDREN'S BOOK DO YOU HEAR ME

Gigi, clearly you are just way too sensitive.  The people of Tuscany not only see nothing wrong with the story, but absolutely adore it.  So much so, that they even created Pinocchio Park.  According to a Tuscan tourist site "The legacy of  Pinocchio’s teachings is kept alive by the Fondazione Nazionale Carlo Collodi, 'promoting, since 1962, culture of children and for children, starting from the world famous literary masterpiece for children, The Adventures of Pinocchio.'

If you’re staying at one of our villas in Tuscany with pool, kids (or adults) with a deeper interest should visit Collodi. This small town whose name the author adopted is close to several of our villas near Lucca.

Collodi’s Pinocchio Park celebrates and retells the story with monuments, mosaics, a maze and water features."

Here is the website to see all the attractions and things to do at Pinocchio Park.

 

(And jk about being too sensitive; this story is nightmarish)

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