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phantomgaylord

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About phantomgaylord

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  1. phantomgaylord

    Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)

    Yeah, TCM 3/Leatherface and TCM: TNG don't involve Tobe Hooper at all; this is the Official Sequel and the others, while entertaining/bonkers in their own rights, are just kind of there. Although, I do enjoy the tiny morsel of continuity in TCM 3, with Leatherface having a knee brace. A nice callback to the ending of the first film.
  2. phantomgaylord

    Foodfight! (2012)

    This absolutely needs to be reviewed! I watched it as a first date with my most recent ex, and the experience and subsequent trauma from viewing it formed the foundation of our relationship. It's no wonder we didn't work out. As mentioned by other people, the movie's entire premise is simply horrific. The animation visually assaults you for 91 minutes straight, and it's packed to the brim with misogyny, sexual overtones, racism, and fucking Nazi imagery/allusions (including calling the icons "ikes"?? YIKES!). All in a children's movie, FOR CHILDREN. Christ, from T to B this movie just makes no fucking sense. A fact worth mentioning: Foodfight! director/writer/producer/voice actor Lawrence Kasanoff, sporting a Tommy Wiseau level of credentials for this project, also wrote Mortal Kombat.
  3. phantomgaylord

    Fantastic Four (2015)

    'Whiplash' is incredible, though it's lost a bit of its luster for me as we've watched it at least fifteen times. Though I might need to watch it again to see JK Simmons slap him in the face; Teller fucking deserves it for 'Fantastic 4' (and that Esquire interview, but that's another thing entirely).
  4. phantomgaylord

    Fantastic Four (2015)

    My roommate just dragged me to the theater to see this tonight because she wanted to look at Miles Tellers' boring potato face for an hour and forty-five minutes. I left the theater very angry and tired and angry. The CGI choices for Doom were...questionable, same for The Thing (no shorts? Why no shorts??). Overall it was a typical copy/paste origin story, complete with dull dialogue, a standard "the government is Bad" side plot, etc. There was nothing there to make anyone have any attachment to the characters whatsoever; the movie seems to almost hope you're going into it with those warm fuzzy feelings. It takes about 45 minutes into the movie for everybody to get their powers, and then nothing really happens until the last 20 minutes. The ending scene with the four of them trying to figure out their Squad Name made me want to have a stroke: "What should we call ourselves?" "[a bunch of bad ideas]" "Well....we're pretty fantastic..." "[Reed smirks knowingly]" [FANTASTIC 4 LOGO] Literally the only good part about this movie is a newspaper clipping about The Thing stating "BIGFOOT IS REAL, AND ANGRY".
  5. This is my absolute favorite movie and it is pure insanity. Dennis Hopper stars in his greatest role to date as a former Texas ranger hellbent on bringing down the Sawyer family. This movie culminates in a goddamn chainsaw swordfight. It features Dennis Hopper running through tunnels, dual-wielding chainsaws and yelling nonsensical affirmations. Leatherface falls in love. The pacing is horrible. There's a character tie-in to the first movie (re: Dennis Hopper's character) that's never fully explained unless you look up trivia about the movie. Everything about Bill Moseley's "Chop Top" is incredible. According to the movie's IMDB page, Dennis Hopper thought this was THE worst movie he's ever done (yes, including Super Mario Brothers). It's everything great about bad horror movies wrapped up in a campy, ridiculous bow. It's completely bonkers. Please check it out!
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