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  2. We had our people on the ground in the swing districts. I was like "Why are they on the ground?! Can't we at least get them a folding chair?
  3. When my mom sees this report card she's going to kill me. I wonder, shall it be by garroting, poisoning, or - hey! - how about flaying!
  4. Sponsored by the all-girl band, Moist Towelettes.
  5. It turns out "go the the store and grab a skirt steak" does not mean what I thought, and I sincerely apologize, your honor.
  6. You know when you have a song stuck in your head and the only way you can get it out is to play it? Well, Jonathan has a similar feeling: he can’t shake the idea that he needs to sing a song. Like, literally, any song, preferably one with pleasing harmony. And he’s reaching out to the Grammy Award-winning artist Meghan Trainor for guidance. Meghan joins Jonathan to discuss singing and songwriting fundamentals, her musical influences, and her new holiday album A Very Trainor Christmas.
  7. Butt cheese: a dessert or aperitif?
  8. I like my skrit like I like my serif—sans.
  9. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang, ranked third by aanumberonepodcastranker.com in the Alphabetical List of Comedy Podcasts with Three-Word Titles Where the Second and Third Words are the Same
  10. Shaving Cream Tahoma Billy Goat Nectarine
  11. Today
  12. Fraggles: The C.H.U.D.s of the Muppets Universe
  13. Please feel free to attribute this catchphrase to a user named “Garry Marshall’s Ghost”. I felt like *actually* creating that account would be bad Juju.
  14. Finger bang my mom? Wait, that can't be right.
  15. You're a peein' on my european euro, you peen!
  16. dollopuss

    Fart School.

    Fart School.
  17. The words "tickle" and "pickle" rhyme for one very specific reason.
  18. tomspanks

    Musical Mondays Week 106 Swing Kids

    Jackson wanted to go to Okinawa (Japan).
  19. "Nothing lasts forever" is a saying with 2 meanings that are both true
  20. You can’t spell “onion pie” without “opinion,” and opinions are like assholes, so no, Mom, I don’t want to try your quiche.
  21. Onions are like a-holes: the deeper you go, the stronger the smell.
  22. Opinions are like assholes: you can remove the second and third letters of each and get a word analogous to the original.
  23. There's a burrito in my trousers from when I put it there. Flash forward by two hours and I have beans for underwear.
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