NickLuchadore

I really encourage HDTGM not to bury this. Roland Emmerich in Spaaaaaaace!

Mission to Mars really did a number on him.

Full Movie Available Multi-rez copy but windowed (in two parts) on Daily Motion - http://www.dailymoti...90-1_shortfilms full copy on other sundry sites... Trailer [media=''] [/media]

Roland Emmerich's lackluster Alien meets Blue Thunder project; an effort only worthy of eclipsing his previous "Ghost Chase". 1. Dean Devlin channels his best madcap Max Casella....innnn space. 2. The script is clunky in that fresh-from-Germany-director-thinks-the-dialogue-makes-sense way. Cut, great, next scene! 3. The navigators are wildly overrated - they give vague verbal instructions on how to fly in a trench with no visibility...with neither clarity nor timeliness. 4. Scooter shits-where-he-sleeps. Life lesson 1, never rape your navigator. 5. The arming system has no failsafes. A stray cat could turn a training mission into a disaster. 6. Malcolm McDowell really gives it a go. 7. Sergeant eats poison. No payoff. Sergeant drinks an egg. No payoff. Bullets in the back? Yeah that works. 8. Spaceship models care of Battlestar Galactica...1978. 9. Our hero, Stone, doesn't have enough screen time to be the strong silent type. 10. Stone is more of a default hero because everyone else: corporation, military, navigators, and robots are all assholes. 11. The robots fly like people...they flail and jerk. But why? They are computers in a computer controlled ship. It should be a USB cable. 12. They added Giger stuff to Glocks to make space-Glocks. 13. This whole adventure was considered finished with the killing of one of the three staff of the Moon base? And there was no questioning or casework or...anything? Why IA? 14. We go from "Blue Thunder", to "Outland" style mystery-tension, and end somewhere shy of "The Last Starfighter" and "Top Gun". 15. Lisa Eichorn's character has no purpose. She periodically repeats lines ala Galaxy Quest. No sexual intrigue, no brassiness. She is literally pushed over by Malcolm McDowell. 16. Going to battle stations / responding to a threat is the most haphazard and lengthy of processes. Everyone has to run back and forth in a tiny base and discuss what is happening. 17. The partial destruction of the base does not appear to effect breathing or life support on an otherwise desolate moon. 19. Dat final battle editing...had to make those fx shots last. 20. Their getaway barge was sort of dropped onto a departing shuttle...and that was not a rocket science/space travel problem. 21. The final boardroom scene...WHATTT????

To pile on a bit more... 17. Richard Dreyfus looks like a drowned rat through most of the movie. The residuals on Krippendorf's Tribe must not pay enough. Bad management on negotiating the backend? 18. The electrical systems are bizarre. Randomly placed buttons work underwater. Every scene is lit by ambient sources. The propulsion system has no fail-safes or shutdown systems - they appear to operate on independent meth-infused hamster wheels. 19. Exposition leads us to trust that the ballroom is providing the ballast to keep the ship afloat. It caves in and the ship continues to float until....the 86 minute mark. Whew. 20. Josh Lucas may or may not be Bradley Cooper. The jury is still out. 21. The credit song (Fergie - Won't Let You Fall) sounds straight out of 1991 - the Whitney Houston wanna-be era - post Solid Gold. It's that sweeping ballad sound found on Lite-FM that would seem timeless only to Germans and Hungarians.

Just watched Poseidon, the Wolfgang Petersen Das Boot-like whimper. All the water without any of the tension. This was also his apparent career ender. So many seams and questions. 1. The opening CGI cinematic, which firmly plants us on a cartoon boat. 2. The CGI lobby, in which of our sense of scale is ruined. 3. Fergie, ala the Love Boat, ala Charo. 4. Kurt Russell's poker scene, where the betting scheme makes no sense AND his daughter ostensibly costs him over $50,000 - yet everyone is all smiles. 4. Kurt Russell's daughter's key trait is that she is in heat. 5. Maggie observing Dylan "clocking" Maggie's finger - twice. Stilted dialogue from here on out. 6. Fergie - again. Plasticine under hot lights. 7. Richard Dreyfuss' seasonal affective disorder (RiDSAD). 8. The bridge has rolling chairs. 9. The only places that flood involve people whose life is worth little (eastern Europeans, poor people) and areas that don't matter. 10. We were shown deaths apace, but later we are supposed to care about some unlikeable individuals. 11. Child ACTING and exposition and exposition and exposition. 12. The ship's captain is primarily an exposition hostess who fulfills token casting requirements. When giving orders he is either ignored or assists guests to their deaths. 13. Fire, electricity, explosions, and water are all anthropomorphilized. They roar, talk, sing, and craft every route and timing for our heroes. 14. Casual smoke inhalation is not nearly the problem we were told about in elementary school. 15. Johnny Drama has no arc and is a hornball drunk even in times of peril. 16. 9 Minutes of closing credits - movie runtime is about 89 minutes. And so much more!