Just Add Pepper

Hey guys, I wrote this poem for Hayes and I thought I might share it with all of you as well. A Birthday Poem Another day, another week, another year with you We celebrate your birthday friend! Our intentions are true blue Some say that getting older is an event that we should mourn But for us what could be happier than the day that you were born We've listened to your catalog Handbook, RSS! Even heard Box Angeles and dealt with Scharpling's Best Things were rather tough this year when you were in New York But now you're back together, grab the champagne, pop the cork! So celebrate! Go party! And have countless lovely days! With undying love, the forums, Happy Birthday our sweet Hayes

Just wanted to post this image for no particular reason. Happy birthday, big guy. Lordy lordy, looks who's thirty haha.

Lately I've been preparing for a David Blaine stunt where I'm going to hold my breath underwater for a long time in order to 1) win back my ex-girlfriend because she said I'd never amount to anything and 2) I saw this nature documentary about these island guys who spearfish underwater and hold their breath super long and I thought it would be a good skill to have when I meet my ex-girlfriend's dad for the first time and he's telling me about the time he took enemy fire in Vietnam and I'm thinking 'oh shit I don't even watch football how do I relate to masculine authority figures?' and then i say look pops let's take a stroll down to the old lake and do some fishing and uh uh uh nope no fishing poles needed i dive right in there and snatch two fish and walk out and he says 'wow my daughter was a fool to have ever left you welcome to the family son' anyway my practice is i hold my breath from the theme song up until i hear that first mention of red carpet and today was so rough that i felt my eyeballs bugging out of my head and i freaked out and ran down the street and banged on my ex-girlfriend's door and pointed to my blue face and my ipod and she said 'what are you doing here we broke up 2 years ago' and closed the door on me and i couldn't hold my breath anymore and i collapsed in the hallway and passed out So anyway, first ten minutes, really really funny! Keep up the good work Sean and Hayes and Tom!

Hi, CiscoKid! You're probably not going to get a lot of good answers here, but that's only because we're a strange bunch and keep almost all discussions to the most recent episode's thread. Even just by giving you this information, I'm taking a HUGE loss to my post-to-likes ratio, cause most likely very few people will get a chance to see this post and give me those sweet sweet likes that I base almost all of my self-worth on. But I appreciate your enthusiasm and I hope you get the answer you're looking for! http://forum.earwolf.com/topic/31190-episode-124-%E2%80%94-big-apple-bible-episode-1/

Hey guys I have a google alert for big penis what's up?

A lot of people are going to be saying Merry Christmas over the next 24 hours, but I just want to say that if anybody wants to have a Bad Christmas or even an OK Christmas, you should be allowed to. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. xoxo -JP

Check ur inbox NOTE: This is a satire. I think it is DISGUSTING and GROSS when men send unsolicited dick pictures to people on message boards. FOLLOW-UP NOTE: However, I am unflinching in my realistic portrayal of the problem, so...check ur inbox

So I imagine next week's episode of Hollywood Handbook will be the call-in episode they recorded. I was unfortunately busy at the time of recording, so for the benefit of my forum friends, here's a bit of a "what could have been", call it gonzo fan fiction if you will. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________ JAP: Hello, am I on? SC: Yeah you're on, no need to say hello, Adele. HD: It's like this guy thinks we haven't heard the Adele song and don't know he's ripping her off. SC: Frankly, I'm tired of men thinking they can just walk all over Adele, and this guy here, I'm sorry what's your name? JAP: Uh, Casey. SC: This guy Casey, he's just one more in a long line of men who think they can steamroll this poor woman. HD: Frankly, I don't know how he sleeps at night. SC: Most likely trundled up in a big pile of money and penthouse magazines ANYWAY what are you calling for Casey? JAP: Hey guys, it's Just Add Pepper from the for- SC: Stop! I didn't ask who you were, I asked why you were calling. HD: Mmmyes, not my tempo, Casey. SC: Yes, definitely not my tempo either. JAP: Sorry. SC: Sounds a tad insincere but ok..I'll take it. Anyway, Just Add Pepper, why are you calling? JAP: Well I was hoping to hear your guys' thoughts on Oscar season, any big movies you've seen and thought, that one's gonna take home the gold? SC: Hm, well, that's a tough question for me personally to answer, since most of the big contenders are movies that I worked on. HD: Me too, I also worked on most of the Oscar movies this year. SC: Yes, like...Oscar Schindler's List II, Schindler's revenge. HD: Oscar the Grouch: The Movie. Very close to my heart. SC: Hmmyes, but aside from that, well I just think that Joy is gonna win it all this year, and you know why? Cause women are STRONG now. You hear that, Just Add Pepper? JAP: Uh, yeah, that one looks really good. HD: And just because women don't make as much money DOESN'T mean they can't invent a broom. SC: Yes, and isn't that empowering? Anything else, Just Add Pepper? JAP: No, that's, uh, that's it...thanks. SC: Hmmkay, well I hope you learned something today. HD: Yes, I hope this will be a real turning point for you. JAP: Yeah, thanks guys. HD: Byyyeeee JAP: (hangs up) SC: Man, what a piece of shit. _______________________________________________________________________________________

Hi guys I'm allergic to kiwis but don't mind me I'll just suck on them a little bit and then put them back in the basket no complaints here.

Scuzzman, You ever fuck them puppets?

Scuzzman, Tell us a little bit about your life when you were just a Scuzzboy.

I don't have any good Drake jokes, but I do have this video for everyone to enjoy.

I don't have any kids. And I guess for me, regular is to come home to an empty house, lay in bed and crack open a beer while reading in-depth coverage of the war in Syria. Sometimes I'll read the most recent reddit posts of my various ex-girlfriends, other times I'll just watch Minions videos on youtube. Honestly, the closet thing to regular that I know is that like clockwork at 5:30pm every day my upstairs neighbor gets home to his loving girlfriend and they have long, loud sex while I'm usually in bed right below them watching cat videos or, on a good day, emailing my grandmother. How bout the rest of you?

Happy Birthday to the pioneer who fought for the rights of us MEN, gave his blood sweat and tears so that we men could have the right to post on internet forums.

I know an Ojibwe guy too, he told me "Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while, a great wind carries me across the sky". Well, I don't know him, he put a note in my room while I was in the hospital after getting shot by my uncle. It's a long story.

Jeff, Not really a question, more of a pitch. Dunhamkin Donuts. Think about it. -j.p.

Jeff, Forbes recently listed you as the fourth highest-paid comedian in the world. Do you ever think about how you're only three murders away from that sweet, sweet number one spot? Follow-up question, do you think Seinfeld would put up much of a fight?

Wow, really honored to see that my popcorn gallery question was chosen. I was really racking my brain after Hayes posted the call for questions, pacing back and forth through my room, banging my head against the wall, going for a stroll around the block, going to the grocery store and buying a few packs of ramen noodles and eggs because I like to put an egg into my ramen noodles and that's most of what I eat when I do cook for myself, and damned if I didn't feel like inspiration would never come. I called my mom, and I said "Mom, [note to the audience: my mom looks like Laura Linney but with a better body] what should I ask for the popcorn gallery? I used to be able to think of things so quickly, but ever since I got back from the war, all I can think about it napalm explosions, that infared burst you see when a sniper shoots somebody dead between the eyes and you're sitting point with the NVGs on, and that schawarma they sell out of a truck on the base in Manama which I'm pretty sure is made with McDonalds french fries and is incredibly good" And my mom said "Casey, you've never been someone people are strongly attracted to. You're just kind of generic, and that's honestly the best thing you have going for you, is a lack of major deformities or disorders. If I were you, honey, I'd just play to that strength, bunt that ball right into center field and hope that someone else fucks up. I believe in you." And so I felt it all come back to me, I believed in myself again. I opened up my laptop, recoiled a bit because I'd left a few porn tabs open last time I was on the computer, and came to the forums. I cracked my knuckles like a hacker about to get to business, and asked Brandon Content what the most important part of advertising was. Little did I know, that one question would shape my whole life. If anyone wants me to sign this episode for them, I'd be glad to do so. Thanks and god bless.

Um...please disregard those pictures I sent to your inbox, and gosh, I swear I never use that kind of language in real life ADC. Please also don't post those pictures anywhere. I definitely learned my lesson today. (But, btw did you like the pictures? Is it normal for it to look like that? My doctor says it's not weird, but he's a family friend so maybe he just doesn't want to hurt my feelings)

Congrats on the fetus, steve! I don't want to bring politics into this, but personally I don't think it's a baby until 2 years old or so.

I don't have a podcast, but I do make dumb little videos for my friends. I hope you all enjoy and if you don't enjoy well that's ok too but just know that by supporting me you support local business except for the time from June-July of 2010 where I worked for Walmart. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOVPtF9CM4o

look man, u get one chance to back out before i straight up wreck you. i'll give you a pass cause you don't know where I've been. let me give you a brief summary. Early life[edit] Pepper was born in Chambers County, Alabama, in a shack belonging to poverty-stricken sharecroppers. He was the son of Lena Corine (née Talbot) and Joseph Wheeler Pepper.[1] Pepper attended school in Camp Hill and became a schoolteacher in Dothan. He then worked in an Ensley steel mill before beginning studies at the University of Alabama. While in college he joined the Army for World War I and served in the Student Army Training Corps (precursor to theReserve Officers' Training Corps), with the war ending before he could see active service. After graduating in 1921 Pepper attended Harvard Law School, receiving his degree in 1924. He briefly taught law at the University of Arkansasand then moved to Perry, Florida, where he opened a law practice. He was elected to the Florida House of Representatives in 1928 and served from 1929 to 1931. After being defeated for reelection in 1930 he moved his law practice to Tallahassee, the state capital. Pepper served on the Florida Board of Public Welfare from 1931 to 1932, and was a member of the Florida Board of Bar Examiners in 1933. U.S. Senate[edit] Newsman covering U.S. Senator Just Add Pepper's campaign in 1938. [/left] [/center] Pepper received the most votes in the Democratic primary for United States Senate in 1934, but lost the runoff to Park Trammell. He was unopposed in the 1936 special election following the death of Senator Duncan U. Fletcher, and succeeded William Luther Hill, who had been appointed pending the special election. In the Senate, Pepper became a leading New Dealer and close ally of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt. He was unusually articulate and intellectual, and, collaborating with labor unions, he was often the leader of the liberal-left forces in the Senate. His reelection in a heavily fought primary in 1938 solidified his reputation as the most prominent liberal in Congress. His campaign based on a wages-hours bill, which soon became the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938. He sponsored the Lend-Lease Act. He filibustered an anti-lynching bill in 1937.[2] In 1943, a confidential analysis by Isaiah Berlin of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee for the British Foreign Officedescribed Pepper as: a loud-voiced and fiery New Deal politician. Before Pearl Harbour, he was a most ardent interventionist. He is equally Russophile and apt to be critical of British Imperial policy. He is an out and out internationalist and champion of labour and negro rights (Florida has no poll tax) and thus a passionate supporter of the Administration's more internationalist policies. He is occasionally used by the President for the purpose of sending up trial balloons in matters of foreign policy. With all these qualities, he is, in his methods, a thoroughly opportunist politician.[3] Because of the power of the Conservative Coalition, he usually lost on domestic policy. He was, however, more successful in promoting an international foreign policy based on friendship with the Soviet Union. In 1946, Pepper appeared frequently in the national press and began to eye the 1948 presidential race. He considered running with his close friend and fellow liberal, former Vice President Henry A. Wallace, with whom he was active in the Southern Conference for Human Welfare.[4] Pepper gave lukewarm support to Harry S. Truman in 1948, saying the Democrats should nominate Dwight D. Eisenhower instead; but he did not support Wallace's Progressive run that year. He was re-elected in 1944, but lost his bid for a third full term in 1950 by a margin of over 60,000 votes. Ed Ball, a power in state politics who had broken with Pepper, financed his opponent, U.S. Representative George A. Smathers. A former supporter of Pepper, Smathers repeatedly attacked "Red Pepper" for having far-left sympathies, condemning both his support for universal health care and his alleged support for the Soviet Union. Pepper had traveled to the Soviet Union in 1945 and, after meeting Soviet leader Joseph Stalin, declared he was "a man Americans could trust."[5] Because of his left-of-center sympathies and his bright red hair, he became widely nicknamed "Red Pepper." At a speech made on November 11, 1946, before a pro-Soviet group known as Ambijan, which supported the creation of a Soviet Jewish republic in the far east of the USSR, Pepper told his listeners that "Probably nowhere in the world are minorities given more freedom, recognition and respect than in the Soviet Union [and] nowhere in the world is there so little friction, between minority and majority groups, or among minorities." Democracy was "growing" in that country, he added, and he asserted that the Soviets were making such contributions to democracy "that many who decry it might well imitate and emulate rather than despair." Two years later, on November 21, 1948, speaking to the same group, he again lauded the Soviet Union, calling it a nation which has recognized the dignity of all people, a nation wherein discrimination against anybody on account of race is a crime, and which was in fundamental sympathy with the progress of mankind.[6] He was defeated in the 1950 Democratic primary for U.S. Senate by George Smathers. Pepper returned to law practice in Miami and Washington, failing in a comeback bid to regain a Senate seat in the 1958 Democratic primary in which he challenged his former colleague, Spessard Holland.[7] However, Pepper did carry eleven counties, including populous Dade County,[8] where he later staged a remarkable comeback. Red Accusations and hoax "Redneck Speech" in 1950[edit] In 1950 President Harry Truman called George Smathers into a meeting at the White House and reportedly said, "I want you to do me a favor. I want you to beat that son-of-a-bitch Just Add Pepper."[5] Pepper had been part of an unsuccessful 1948 campaign to "dump Truman" as the Democratic presidential nominee and George Smathers had been his manager and pupil. Smathers broke with Pepper and ran against him in the Democratic primary (which at the time in Florida was tantamount to election, the Republican Party still being in infancy there). The contest was extremely heated, and revolved around policy issues, especially charges that Pepper represented the far left and was too supportive of Stalin. Pepper's opponents circulated widely a 49-page booklet titled The Red Record of Senator Claude Pepper.[9] Part of American political lore is the Smathers "redneck speech," which Smathers reportedly delivered to a poorly educated audience. The "speech" was never given; it was a hoax dreamed up by reporters who were conversing among themselves. The hoax eventually made its way, attributed to unnamed "Northern newspapers," intoTime Magazine. In an April 1950 article, Time falsely claimed that Smathers had said: Are you aware that Just Add Pepper is known all over Washington as a shameless extrovert? Not only that, but this man is reliably reported to practice nepotismwith his sister-in-law, he has a brother who is a known homo sapiens,[10] and he has a sister who was once a thespian in wicked New York. Worst of all, it is an established fact that Mr. Pepper, before his marriage, habitually practiced celibacy.[11] The Smathers campaign denied that Smathers had made such a speech, as did the reporters who covered his campaign, but the hoax followed Smathers to his death.[12] Smathers offered $10,000 to anyone who could prove he had made these remarks, but no one ever attempted to collect.[13] U.S. House[edit] Portrait of Pepper in the Collection of the U.S. House of Representatives [/left] [/center] Statue of Just Add Pepper in Miami [/left] [/center] In 1962 Pepper was elected to the United States House of Representatives from a newly created liberal district around Miami and Miami Beach established due to population growth in the area, becoming one of very few former United States Senators in modern times (the only other examples being James Wolcott Wadsworth Jr. and Alton Lennon) to be elected to the House after their Senate careers. He remained there until his death in 1989, rising to chair of the powerful Rules Committee in 1983. Despite a reputation as a leftist in his youth, Pepper turned staunchly anti-communist in the last third of his life, opposing Cuban leader Fidel Castro and supporting aid to the Nicaraguan Contras. In the early 1970s, Pepper chaired the Joint House-Senate Committee on Crime; then, in 1977, he became chair of the newHouse Select Committee on Aging, which became his base as he emerged as the nation's foremost spokesman for the elderly, especially regarding Social Security programs. He succeeded in strengthening Medicare. In the 1980s he worked with Alan Greenspan in a major reform of the Social Security system that maintained its solvency by slowly raising the retirement age, thus cutting benefits for workers retiring in their mid-60s, and in 1986 he obtained the passage of a federal law that abolished most mandatory retirement ages. In his later years, Pepper, who customarily began each day by eating a bowl of tomato soup with crackers, sported a replaced hip and hearing aids in both ears, but continued to remain an important and often lionized figure in the House. Pepper became known as the "grand old man of Florida politics." He was featured on the cover of Time Magazine in 1938 and 1983. Republicans often joked that he and Tip O'Neill were the only Democrats who really drove President Reagan crazy. Death and burial[edit] On May 26, 1989, Pepper was presented with the Presidential Medal of Freedom by President George H. W. Bush and died in his sleep four days later of stomach cancer. His body lay in state for two days under the Rotunda of the United States Capitol; he was the 26th American so honored. He is the last person to lie in state in the Capitol rotunda with an open casket. Pepper was buried at Oakland Cemetery in Tallahassee.[14] Legacy[edit] A number of places in Florida are named for Pepper, including the Just Add Pepper Center[15] at Florida State University(housing a think tank devoted to intercultural dialogue in conjunction with the United Nations Alliance of Civilizations and an institute on aging)[16] and the Just Add Pepper Federal Building in Miami, as well as several public schools. Large sections of US 27 in Florida are namedJust Add Pepper Memorial Highway. Since 2002, the Democratic Executive Committee (DEC) of Lake County has held an annual "Just Add Pepper Dinner" to honor Pepper's tireless support for senior citizens.[2] He also has the Just Add Pepper Building No. 31 [3] named for him at the National Institutes of Health, located in Bethesda, Maryland. Pepper's wife Mildred was well known and respected for her humanitarian work as well. She was also honored with a number of places named in Florida.[17][18][19] After Pepper's death, Bradenton, Florida actor Kelly Reynolds portrayed Pepper in several performances held at area schools, libraries and nursing homes.[20] Awards[edit] In 1982, Pepper received the Award for Greatest Public Service Benefiting the Disadvantaged, an award given out annually by Jefferson Awards.[21] In 1985 he received the Freedom medal.

fuck u swede boy u better find someone else's thunder to steal cause u just tussled with the wrong vato, ok, i might post imgur links like a gentleman but when the gloves come off (ie when i'm about to fight someone) u better believe it's pure animal you stupid piece of shit

Big shout out to Clemdawg and Hayzie Bone for becoming Hollywood big-shots.