Just Add Pepper

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfhhWA9GF0M Little-known fact: This song is a fictionalized version of Colt Barton's Shaq story. Test audiences said the original version was "too shocking", and commented "why does the kid keep mentioning his 'engorged little boner' over and over?"

(Read by Morgan Freeman over panning shots of buttermilk sauce dripping from a basketful of glistening fried chicken wings on a wood-grain tabletop) Dearest Melinda, Your kindly words remain in my thoughts as I sup upon this dish of chicken wings with bleu cheese. It is the vision of your eyes that keeps my mortal strength intact while I bite and chomp through the various sinews, while I suck the meat from the bones and gnaw the last bits of flesh from the knuckly bits. The newsboy says that soon this dinner will be over, and our lives reunited once-a-more. In the meantime, a 12-year old fellow has kept me company. He reminds me of myself from a younger, more innocent time before this piece of chicken was split in twain. Yours fauthfully, Shaq

At some point during the hangout, I accidentally clicked on A Bear, and instead of switching between the faces, must have spent a solid minute, minute and a half just watching A Bear. The fact that it took me so long to notice is telling. Let's just say, they oughta call him A+ Bear. Or better yet, C+ Bear (guys get it?)

What happens on google hangout, STAYS on google hangout.

Somewhat related story, I went into a guitar shop the other day and asked if they had this goop you put on the nut of your guitar to help the strings stay in tune. "That stuff doesn't work. We don't have it in stock." "Oh, really? I was reading online, and there's a ton of people who swear-" "And there's a ton of people who swear 9/11 was an inside job! There's all kinds of theories on the internet" So the moral of the story is, believing an overwhelmingly popular opinion on how to keep your guitar strings in tune aligns you with 9/11 conspiracy theorists.

So apprently Barack Obamacare is gonna be the guest on WTF with Marc Macaroni this week. You guys think he'll swing by Hollywood Handbook as well? After he makes a stop at the Serial studios, that is.

Hey guys cool to hangout with you you're all funnier and more well-adjusted than me. A+ hangout.

Filled up again! I'm just watchin...staring intently.

The hangout is full, so I'm just gonna watch you guys like a lil creep.

Hey guys I think I wanna do this hangout tonight. I'm bad at social, so maybe if I leave abruptly or don't show up, it's not personal. My email is c j whieldon @gmail.com, without the spaces.

I used the advice of this show when I was taking my daily faceplant into the old lady's canal, she said it was better than usual, slimed like the end of Ghostbusters. I told her if she loved Neil Campbell so much, why doesn't she fucking marry him that bitch. So then she went and married Neil Campbell and it hurt a lot but slowly, day by day I got over my feelings and it was ok until one day she sent me a message on Facebook and just seeing that name and that little picture of her was like a fucking knife in my heart, and why is she sending me anything oh she wants to catch up and see how I'm doing I'm in shambles, woman. Shambles! Pretty good episode.

This is incredible.

Guys, don't be too scared, but my pet is a dragon. He's a sensitive guy, he likes to watch Netflix He plays music

I dunno guys, I don't think this was a very memorable episode. I listened to it last night while I was blackout drunk, and I don't remember any of it. 0/5 stars, sorry.

Hey guys, I think I'm finally drunk enough for one of you cool guys' type of drunk post on the HH forum. I just wanna say, y'know, well, I've been thinking long and hard about what I wanna say, and I've decided "Fucking Jews... the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world. Are you a Jew?. PS: I learned while making this post that if you go onto Mel Gibson's wikipedia and CTRL+F "jew", you have to scroll through SIX occurences of the word "jew" to find this relevant quote.

So good! Man, these guys were my hands-down favorite band through high school. Listening to it now, I dunno, they might still be my favorite band.

Great songs. I guess the Ween era I had in mind was Pure Guava era where all the guitars always had that out-of-phase sound to them. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIEj9zEt_cs Thank you FaceLikeThunder, for inadvertently giving me a reason to go back and listen to Ween songs. I haven't kicked out their jams in a while. (sorry don't know how to embed, I'm too busy doing cool jock stuff)

The INFAMOUS mem day blurb

The fact that you exist is BLOWIN MY MIND MAAAAAN I thought the plugs theme sounded like early Ween doing Tom Waits. Also, I recently tried to turn some of my friends onto podcasts, cause they were watching the CBB TV show, and I was like "hey, you guys should check it out, there's a whole weird world of this stuff" My friend said "oh yeah, podcasts. What's that one, about the murder? Someone was telling me about that" "Serial, yeah, that's an NPR thing. I've heard it's really good. But I'm really into these comedy ones, like Comedy Bang Bang, then there's this weird spin-off podcast with Adam Scott where they only talk about U2, but they never really talk about U2, then there's an entire podcast of the guy who plays Dalton Wilcox" "Hm, yeah, that sounds interesting, I'll have to check that out" A couple of days later, my friend says "Hey man, just want you to know that I went and downloaded Serial, and it's fucking GOOD. Thanks for that." That's the story of how I accidentally got my friend to listen to Serial.

I'm only 25 minutes in, but I'm calling it a GGOAT (greatest grepisode of all time)

Hi Erin, I learned from a podcast survey that I am the only divorced listener of Hollywood Handbook. My ex-wife's name was also Erin. My question is, do you also intend to take 50% of my savings, and my house, and also the dogs we raised together and lovingly referred to as our kids? If so, why would you do that? Why would you crush a man who's got so little left to lose? -JAP

I had a dream last night about Hollywood Handbook t-shirts. My life is in shambles.

Oh. Um. Hm. I expected something kinda silly, but nope, that's, uh, that's...

I took that survey and, judging by the fact that we only make up 1% of people who have taken it, it's very possible I am the only divorcé who listens to Hollywood Handbook. So, cool, I guess? The spotlight's really gonna brighten me up during Divorcé Appreciation Week at Earwolf.

This one sure got to some dark places. Definitely a grep.