Houston

serious props on the phrasing in this post. MD 20/20 was my first introduction to the fascinating world of alcohol. It satisfied my curiosity for more than a decade as my this particular batch of 'gas station ambrosia' had notes of gasoline, koolaid, and a rustic air of sadness that lingered on the tongue. Thanks for the memories!

I KNOW RIGHT?!!! someone FINALLY gets it.

Engineer Brett would NEVER do that to me or Joe. NEVER. Damn you Cody!

You guys didn't get to hear my sweet voice, but I was able to print off the transcript from my NSA files. h/t TT for the files. Sean: Hi Hayes: Houston, Hang on. Houston: Hello. Sean: We have a problem Hayes: Hang on Houston, Hang on Houston. Houston: I can hear you now. (killer verizon reference cuz I have att.) Sean: Houston we have a problems. Houston: Wow, never heard that joke before. Points for originality. Hayes: Okay. Sean: It’s a shame we didn’t get Houston. Cody: It’s computer not me. Houston: YOU ARE DEAD TO ME CODY! DON’T BLAME THIS SHIT ON TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. WE ARE FEUDING NOW! Sean: We got to bail on Houston. (I was all like)

When someone says "I was harassed online" and "all men are bastards who just want you to see their dicks" it can ring a bit empty. I mean, I'm not saying that I don't believe them, but it's hard to take on another person's offense when you didn't experience it yourself. That said, seeing Casey's kibbles and bits at 1280x1160 on a retina screen.... that can change a man. I now have an insight into what it might be like to be optically violated online. It's probably not good to spam your dick to virtual strangers. Quantity interactions do not make up for quality ones. Casey, I feel like I learned something about how to engage with others online, thank you! I feel like I am more empathetic to others experiences now. Honestly, I feel a lot of things. So many new stirrings inside me. Casey, check your inbox for a reply.

Spunky, So the holiday season is coming around and my family are all big IFLScience types so I think they'd really get into dick science art. Do you do commissioned work? PM me.

I google searched "what goes in the butt, seriously no jokes this time" and just got links to Jack Nicholson screaming "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH" at me repeatedly. I think he's right.

Muskrat or Nutrea (sp?) we had those in Texas.

Nope. They are Australian I think, so unless Dairy Pillows or Devscoots can get me the hook up it's an unrequited love.

Danny, I can't get behind your shrew. I'm team rabbit eared bandicoot. Apparently I used to hug a picture of one every night when I was a wee baby.

I can see your wedding registry at Petco, but I just wanted to be sure that you didn't already have the match plate/bowl set.

Dan. I don't know you and I hate to be THAT GUY who recycles HH jokes into everyday life, but, uh, EHHH WRONG! Just because you didn't get the hoedown invite doesn't mean it didn't happen. Chillax bro.

You'd think that all that extra time turning on mikes he'd know how to take a call. You know, like he did multiple times and the shit the bed on one caller? I mean, it's fine. No big deal, right? It could happen to anyone. #likeanelephant

Alright computer. You just made an enemy with the memory of a elephant and the strength a rabbit eared bandicoot. I won't soon forget this slight against my honor!

Yo, bakerman. Do you know the muffinman?

Sean and Hayes, I really respect your content creation. I really am sorry that your experience with Howl has been foul. I worked really hard to get my folks to drive my car to earwolf filled with my clothes and pets. After hours of tense negotiations it looks like it will not be possible for my mommies and daddies to drive my car though as my dad's a real stiff. Also, I ate an apple. It was good. Opal I believe. From Washington where they know what apples should taste like.

Holands, this is Houston actual. We read you loud and clear. Edit: it's been brought to our attention that Holands is in fact, not spelled Holands, but HONLADS. We've directed communication to the right people to amend this transgression and promise to do better in the future. We here at Houston are big fans of mugs and most things that can be put inside of them. Not all things, because some people have disturbed imaginations. Godspeed Honlands. Edit: I'm not drunk, but it's possible I should be.

As potentially the resident expert on dietary choices of African children, they much prefer chicken, beans, greens, potatos, fufu, or matoke (plantains) to likes. So feel free to like away, they don't want your shitty second hand likes. #africarising

Good ep. I'm looking forward to the new offerings on Wolf Cool East or whatever it'll be called.

Also don't forget the Menendez brothers. If there was just one no WAY they could've taken both parents.

Seriously. When I went from 1 to 2 kids... damn. I could NOT handle it. So thankful that "I brought you into this world, I will take you out" was an acceptable defense in the murder trial.

Kudzu bugs killed my dad. He was deathly allergic to stinky things. I'm out for blood. How do I kill them? Where can I procure napalm? UPDATE: Whee'zy I'm gonna need you to meet me with your blowtorch and a motorcycle w/ sidecar.

Maybe it's just me, but for me I feel like Hayes is really phoning it in lately. Get it? Because he's not trying very hard. #first

Souprman? Might take 600,000 BTUs though. Only one way to find out. Aside - why do you have a blow torch and where can you get one?

Immensely. Do you take requests on other things to burn?