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Everything posted by Houston

  1. [scene: Dark Warehouse. The staff has gone home. The mice have feasted on the refuse of humanity and are nestled in their dark holes for a long nights sleep. Other dark holes are not so serene. We see Jim and Pam cautiously enter a backdoor they unlocked hours ago.] Jim: Coast is clear. Let’s go. Pam: Jim, is this another one of your pranks? Jim: Do you see Jell-o? Pam: Yes, you made a 55 gallon drum of it. Lime, if I recall. Jim: Fine, but is anything incased in the Jell-o? Pam: Yeah. A giant strap-on dildo. Jim: OK. Fine, it's not an original idea but this is not a joke. This is my fantasy. This is what I need Pam. I am dying here at work. It’s all I can think about. I try to sell paper, but paper is made of wood…. so I get lost in my fantasy for hours. I can't take the waiting. Pam: fine. let’s just get this over with. [Jim and Pam begin to undress. Jim cannot hide his excitement. Pam is happy for the cover of darkness. She is unsure. Excited? Yeah, but will the risk be worth the reward? Most pressing, will they get caught?] Jim: ok, just strap it on. Just like the youtube video showed you. Use that lime jell-o too. It gives the best tingle. [Pam straps on the dildo and proceeds to use the lime jell-o to get the party started.] Pam: What was that? Jim: That was me… Pam: No, I know what your John Stewart-esque pleasure noises sound like, but I heard something else. [Two green flashes are seen in the corner. A noise emerges from that spot. It’s not a cry, but more of some animalistic noise…. impossible to describe…. impossible to forget. Dwight’s tall frame limply emerges from the darkest corner. His face…. is it hate, is it jealousy?] TO BE CONTINUED……
  2. TIL that Mark Twain and Steamboat Willy were some of the OG boat captains. Chanson, and the various Chanson Acolytes out there, these guys your ancestors?
  3. From Barrel to Bowtie: The Sean Clements Story
  4. Houston

    New to the forums

    Comedy is about being brave.
  5. Can't wait until this record drops!
  6. #2 is probably pooping, so not him. #1 giving us the sexy eyes... so maybe. #5 because ginger apes are the best.
  7. I am not the best at grammar, but I can't quite tell if you are making a joke about the misuse of your/you're or what.
  8. I saw a sign that said "Drive like your kids live here." That presumes a lot about people. Their desire/ability to have children. Their relationship with their children. Their present mental state. I'd prefer a sign that said "Don't murder my children, DRIVE SLOW." #roadtripthoughts
  9. Also, took about 4 listens to get through the podcast. Funny stuff.
  10. On vacation so late to the game.
  11. A Beary good guitar player?
  12. As the years past Shaq attempted to reclaim the magic of that moment. Was it Colt? Was it that Hooters? Did the stars just so happen to align in perfect harmony that day? No one is quite sure, but the harder Shaq tried to recreate the moment the more desperate and unhinged he became. He is a shadow of his former greatness. Colt seems to have moved on and adjusted well.
  13. Their bodies crashed together like a child-size crash test dummy and wall. (In a totally consensual side hug.)
  14. That is damn near a bullseye. You are an astute observer of humans, even at faster than life speed!
  15. I saw another 'Keep Calm, Chive On' shirt on an otherwise subjectively attractive female. Maybe we should all make the following poster into a business card to hand out to unsuspecting strangers. edit - reference to the HHHangout. Not an endorsement of misogyny.
  16. Save some of these for the next Popcorn Gallery. I see talent here.
  17. It was covered in the Hangout. Brief recap is that Chanson's dad reject labels.
  18. The perfect ending to that story is a veteran flight attendant (who was battling a terminal illness kept secret from everyone) looking Hilton in the eye and saying "let's see your dad pay for this" then grabbing him and jumping out of a door that somehow opened at altitude without killing everyone else.
  19. Thanks. That was one that I wish I had an ounce of photoshop skills (or actual photoshop) to get the heads in better position. In the right hands that image would be nightmare fuel. BTW, there is a substantial portion of the internet that is dedicated to putting Mr Bean's head on various bodies.
  20. I made this yesterday. It is not good.
  21. Pets are really special. That service animal who threw itself in front of a bus is amazing. Steve's adorable spawn who met a puppy for the first time warms the heart. Blink's altered state bonding experience with his pug is a thing that happened. Be careful though. Pet's can be fragile and delicate. One moment you are playing and having a good time. Next thing you know your dad is yelling something and your mom is telling you that while curiosity is not bad, you have to be careful. Something about actions having consequences or something stupid. The rest is blacked out. Probably a trauma induced repressed memory or something. Who knows. The important thing is that hammers are not toys. RIP Elliot. Oh. The show was great. 5 units of measurement. Between the CBB ep and this one Earwolf is going to need to create a new sub-brand dedicated to all things vagina.
  22. Found this a jumble sale the other day. Looking forward to listening to the episode on these bad boys.
  23. Houston

    EPISODE 356 — Heynong Man

    I think they were talking about the Andy Daly Pilot Podcast Project if they were thinking about murder.
  24. You like that lady in red? Spoilerish joke: