What in the name of sh1t does anybody mean by 'this isn't worthy of being sent up by HDTGM'. This pile of effluent has all the markings of a turd, but nostalgia is skewing their perception.
From the outset we are greeted by 2 unlikeable, middle class, rich kids, who's parents surprisingly aren't coming with them to a fucking DINOSAUR park. I guess those dinosaur parks are 2 a penny where they come from. Instead their folks are getting divorced. No wonder one of them is such a creepy bastard that rather than talking to girls he just stares uncomfortably at them for hours - without saying a word. F@ck that's weird.
Then there is the new dinosaur that is being created. WTF. This part blows my f@cking mind due to the total lack of common sense and at that point I checked out. What in the name of f@ck is more terrifying than a T-Rex? I can only guess at a T-Rex with a rocket launcher on its back and the mental capacity to use it. Or Kim Jong Un running a dog kennel. Saying that, those wacky scientist do create a giant lizard that seems to be bullet proof. So that's got to keep you up at night.
Then you have the 2 kids riding around in a state-of-the-art glass ball that doesn't get covered in sh1t and cannot be piloted remotely. I.E. Oh no, one of our glass balls is still out in the field with 2 children in it. No problem, I'll just press this button and it will come directly back to wherever the f@ck I want it to. Nonsense.
This leads to a real problem I have with Jurassic W@nk. The kids Aunt then pursues her nephews in healed shoes. Running through a f@cking jungle.
The kids repair a Jeep that hasn't moved in 20 years or more!?
Raptors motorcycle gangs, are you shitting me? If this scene didn't make you laugh out loud then you are dead inside.
Solving the problem of a mutant dinosaur/nobel laureate running amok by introducing a T-Rex to the party. A T-Rex who then happily ambles away at the end with his Raptor mate like they are next on one of the rides.
My only wish for this film was that the ending be hyper realistic since the previous hour and a half was such absurdity. When the parents are back with their kids the father tells the Aunt what an useless c@nt she is for almost killing his sons and then tells his wife he wants full custody.
