Jump to content
🔒 The Earwolf Forums are closed Read more... ×


  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Posts posted by StoopidChris

  1. This was an amazing episode, and I can't wait to get a hold of that commentary. Also, I was super happy to hear Jason shut down the whistler in the crowd. Hecklers deserve to lose a hand to a haunted juicer (or at least deserve to be denied the opportunity to ask a question).

    corrections and omissions!


    -What surprised me most was how easily Michael just accepted that his lawyer and Priscilla were planning to steal the company from him. They admitted their illegal actions Scooby-Doo-style to Michael himself and he just reacts as if this is an inevitability which he can do nothing about! Tell the damn police that you are seeing every single day.


    -I think June was starting on the right track about eliciting fears about gender fluidity, but I'm not sure it was intentional. Early in the flick, David says something akin to "you can't improve on perfection" while watching a ripped guy workout via NASA computer monitors. I think it was a product of ignorance and prejudice about homosexuality and an assumption at the time that gay men are transvestites and deviants and possibly mentally unstable. I doubt this was malicious because of the clearly homoerotic overtones and (as mentioned in the episode) sex between actors of (nearly) any combination of genders and sexualities.


    -Accepting the fact that Catherine can move objects unrelated to the NASA computer, the tiles flying off the shower walls was blatantly nonsensical. Not because they flew off, but because it seemed like they were propelled by pressure from pipes that suddenly ended behind the backs of the tiles. I don't claim to know anything about laying tiles OR plumbing, but I'm certain this is NOT how you do it. It must have been the same evil subcontractor that put the basement sprinkler system in line with the tanks of acid.

    • Like 3

  2. Gwildor’s line about the entire universe being made up of music got me thinking. It seems like the music that opens these portals act almost like a passageway to various interdimensional zipcodes. If this is true, not only does it reinforce Cam Bert and my earlier theory that Gwildor has used that musical combination to travel to Kevin and Julie’s small town before and possibly caused the deaths of Julie’s mom and dad, it also means that, provided one has access to one of Gwildor's keys, every combination of notes must lead to somewhere. I mean, yes, the number of permutations with which one can arrange notes might seem like you have an infinite number of possibilities, but mathematically, there is still only a set number of ways notes can be strung together to make a melody. And when you consider that each melody opens, not just a portal to anywhere within the Eternian universe, but also all other possible universes—with the additional benefit of any when in all of these universes--the number of musical combinations has to correlate pretty damn closely to the number of--also nearly infinite--places in space and time one can go.*


    So, my question is: is this what is happening in a-ha’s “Take On Me” video?


    I would also like to propose a challenge to everyone here. Given my hypothesis above, please provide a song by a notable “song maker,” that when connected to Gwildor’s key, would create a space/time rift and then tell us where said portal would take us.


    So I think the guys in the A-Ha video are acolytes of Skeletor; all of them. They were using the other cosmic key (the one Skeletor suddenly has like half way through the movie) for some nefarious purpose. By stumbling upon the melody from "Take on me", they managed to gain access to this animated realm.


    This does dig a hole in my theory about Eternians being so musically inept that they consider remembering a melody a feat that could only be accomplished by a "master song-writer", but whatever--something something chimpanzees write Shakespeare. I digress.


    This Eternian conman poses as a symmetrically faced fella and seeks out lonely teens to lure into a comic book world of motorcycle racing and playing peek-a-boo in a floating window. Two of his cronies act like they are going to beat the everlovingshit out of him for winning the race or something as he "selflessly" helps her escape, aaaand the bait is set.


    The victim is wracked with confusion and desperation, and, if the plan works, seeks out somewhere private to mourn her would-be, colorless boyfriend and try to figure out what the hell happened. The evil acolyte reappears all sweaty from ordeals (and looking surprisingly good for someone that just had two dudes play him like a human whack-a-mole with monkey wrenches) and puts on a "Seeee, baby. I got all beat up/beat myself up on these walls for you! Because our bond is that strong!" look on his face.


    It's already too late for her. Captain Manipulation has her return to the fantasy world of cute grease monkey musicians and vaguely Italian, 60's era race car drivers where she will be summarily turned into one of the many thousands of Skeletor's broke-ass storm troopers.



    As for your challenge:

    I like to think that Sammy Hagar finds a cosmic key while taking a short break from ruining Van Halen and plays a little diddy he's been working on called "

    ". This promptly opens up a wormhole to a dimension where every person alive is a silent, yet animated, character in a prescription drug commercial. He helplessly goes through the motions of doing "happy, normal person things" being fully aware that he not only suffers from psoriasis and IBS and herpes II, but also suffers from all of the diarheah, nausea, heartburn, fatigue, hot tub foot, swollen fingers, and loss of hearing that are the compiled side effects from the pills he's constantly popping down his dry, dry gullet.


    *edit: a word and formatting

    • Like 3

  3. By the way, has there ever been a more pointless example of a cumbersome and difficult costume than Meg Foster's as Evil Lin? It's just a hat, a long black tunic, a cape and some accessories. What benefits the film for it to be so heavy she suffers groin damage, for fuck's sake? And what materials did they use?


    I just figured she was Skeletor's personal chef with that dope-ass hair net. This could be further proof of Skeletor's very serious staffing problem. Maybe if he didn't kill henchmen so willy-nilly, He wouldn't have to up-jump the cook to the Lieutenant of a gang of marauders.


    Small point but it's weird that Teela sees the cow in the woods. Firstly, do cows live in the woods now? Also, she says it's ugly when it fact that's a damn pretty cow.


    This is possibly more evidence that Teela is some sort of Puck type character who uses the 4th dimension as a playground.

    There's the sniffing of the dirt silliness, shooting the speaker that was playing the movie score, pulling a reference from contemporary earth feminism, and now making a cow appear in some abandoned, arboreal Californian suburb.

    • Like 2


    In the music shop Charlie calls Kevin "Mr. Perfect Pitch" for recognizing a D flat so it's not just the melody. Still stupid for Gwildor to call him a master song writer just because he's in a shitty band in ???-town America.


    Charlie was just mad because he couldn't show off his musical genius to aliens as quickly as good ol' Kev.



    Towards the end of the movie when Kevin is trying to remember the cosmic key tones, why is the speaker Teela blasts blaring bad classical music at a time of night when the streets are deserted? In the same scene they clean Julie's lightning burn/poison wound with the gross water from an outdoor fountain. In the words of Jason, that is not hygienic you guys.


    Like I said: because it's goddamn hilarious! They must have spent a decent chunk of change on a "master joke-writer" for this one bit before all the cash ran out. I genuinely guffawed!

  5. Corrections and Omissions


    There was one fantastic, "Airplane"-eqse joke right after Courtney Cox was hit with the Skeletor poison. As Kevin was trying to remember the melody that would unlock the key, he gets frustrated by the score which brakes the 4th wall in the form of a loud-speaker that's blasting John William music in the middle of the night to no one in particular.


    And just after that, Gwildor yet again mentions "song-writing masters" by asking Kevin if he qualifies as one for simply being able to remember a melody. This leads me to believe that at least the people of Eternia, if not most of the universe, are musically inept, and human beings are basically among the 1% of the audible arts of the Cosmos. "The Chicken Dance" brings down the house at Castle Greyskull.


    I was a little surprised there was no mention of Teela's 4th wall breaking "Woman At Arms" joke. Just imagine how great this movie could be if Skeletor was giving asides into the camera.

    So that's twice she broke the 4th wall? Is Teela the actual Master of the Universe??

  6. **Corrections and Omissions**


    I don't think it was ever the intention that the gravity of the comet was the cause of anything...at all. The gravitational pull of the Rea-M Comet would be so minuscule that the trucks themselves would have a greater gravitational effect on each other than any effect from the comet itself. I believe the idea of passing through a comet's tail having hazardous consequences is inspired by the global panic caused when Earth passed through the tail of Halley's Comet in 1910. The comet was discovered to have Cyanogen--a highly toxic compound--streaming out behind it. The ensuing paranoia prompted the marketing of special gas masks, anti-toxin pills, and many other types of snake oil. The Cyanogen was very diffused, and, obviously, nobody died from poison raining down into our atmosphere.


    Also, I'm surprised you guys didn't mention "Trucks", the second attempt to tackle this short story in 1997. We accidentally started watching it for 30 minutes before I noticed that Emilio Estevez had not yet made an appearance. "Trucks" is even more poorly acted, directed, and paced, if you can believe it.


    A NYTimes blurb: http://query.nytimes...9649C946196D6CF

    An ad for survival: http://imgur.com/3EA7ibd

    "Trucks": http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120380/

    • Like 1