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ElleMadeline

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About ElleMadeline

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  1. ElleMadeline

    Zoombies (2016)

    The plot of the movie is that a zoo that hosts only endangered animals tries to save a monkey by injecting it with a never-mentioned-again serum meant to revive after death. As expected by every viewer ever, the monkey turns rapid and starts killing fucking everyone. Shockingly enough, this happens to be on the first day of interns so when heading to investigate, they get guns and nobody asks why. Now, these zombie monkeys (I guess if we were following the theme of the title they'd be called zonkeys...monbies...zonbees? Whatever(side note, there should be a sequel entitled zombees where the bees rise up from the dead to take their revenge on the world)) If you think horrible acting and terrible CGI is all you're gonna get out the zoo animal zombies version of Jurassic World, you're dead wrong! In the 1 and 27 minutes, you'll also be blessed with a child who is probably a serial killer; the CDC for five seconds; iPhones that can call walkie talkies; the moment when zombie elephants aren't dangers because they are not predators, but zombie giraffes? Shit will RIP you in half. Let's not forget the fact that a fear of heights trumps the incoming, painful death caused by rapid animals. The characters have deep backstories and fleshed out plot lines such as side-pony-sorority-girl; surfer dude in short shorts; super nerd who inexplicably loses more and more clothing; hot British girl who can make BOMBS; a chiLD WHO IS A SERIAL KILLER; and the worst CGI known to mankind Honorable mentions include people who can function with mortal wounds; inexplicable explosions; birds on fire; and a child serial killer (Seriously I'm disturbed by this kid. Bet she was behind it the whole time - signing "kill my mommy" to Kifa the gorilla from the start). Don't let my summary ruin the movie for you! I suggest you pair it with a nice merlot and get to drinking because there isn't a single moment in the movie that makes sense.
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