Andrew

People like you, Chanson? They get to know you, and like you? Hmm?

Does anyone know how long it will take to get to Five Zero Zero?

I want S+H on CBB, let them show Bosserman how its done. Also I want Hayes on Ronna and Beverley, and that seems quite doable.

I think we've got an honest-to-God five hundo on our hands.

I love you all, but not enough to get up at 3 a.m. on Wednesday. But please record it so I can play it back later and pretend I have friends.

Tim, you're way too worked up about this trip. You need to let off some of the pressure, perhaps through certain... techniques, that can lead to a kind of... release. PM Cody for more ideas.

My response to you would be the same as the initials of everyone's favourite rib-eating, fourth wall-breaking, Southern politician. (Frank Underwood) (F.U.) (fuck you)

I'm in big scary London right now, and I was counting on an HH ep to get me through this. Big shout out to London Paddington for having the world's most uncomfortable seats. Edit: there are policemen here, with guns! They're holding long guns and they have short guns on their hip.

Mmm, yes, I like Kirk Vonnagut too like the rest of you, but isn't there also something to be said for not being able to read?

Like like like like like like like like like like like like like like dude.

Hey, Alsion Brie and the Silicon Valley babe. Now that's a dream I hope to have soon.

Chanson's best protection against identity theft is the fact that the thief would then have to be Chanson.

All Swedish Handbookheads, my sister is going to "Malmo" tomorrow, I said I could arrange someone to pick her up from the airport but oops slipped my mind lol. If you could just go ahead and figure out the details for that and do it I'd be grateful, thanks.

Veeby, baby, love the video, but you know what you gotta do now, right? You gotta show us them Ts. Those sweet tatas. (tatoos)

I will gladly take points for my hilarious Shark Tale joke. Also it is Christmas Day here technically so Happy Christmas (or Diwali or Hannukah Matata or whatever).

I think I was the first person to start using D to mean Dad (does anyone know of an earlier usage?), and I feel this entitles me to some POINTS.

Michael Bay of Pigs I love you and not a day goes by when I don't think about your posts where you make the goggles to the Cyclops guy or hit your dog with rolled-up magazines. You would be an A+ top caller.

TEASER FREEZER, TEASER FREEZER, TEASER FREEZER, PLEEEEEEAAAAASSSSUUUHHH. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vz2HyCgUWh4

Oh my gosh, is that is what I sound like!?

This is absolutely perfect, especially the lawyer part. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATXbJjuZqbc

Hey, if John Cleese grows a pair of get-away sticks like Taylor's I'll side with him all night, baybee.

Please stop talking about rape culture, you'll wake the Chanson. And ALL cats are beautiful and deserve love, there is no such thing as a weird looking cat.

If I click on Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend" music video then rewatch it seventeen times, does that mean I like it?

That gift is very good, it's almost too good. Too accurate. Can you be sure that your girlfriend isn't actually Sean sitting on Hayes's shoulders with a long overcoat on? They could be "doing a Clooney" on you.

HOW'D YOU KNOW I DATED UR MUM LOL. But I think it was Monument Valley? Or nearby? He stopped the car and made my sister take photos so he could use them as profile pictures on social media. Very forward thinking. True dat. P.S. knowing you are a married 33-year old woman makes your like of the handjob post mean so much more to me.