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Status Updates posted by ianbauer

  1. A word to your Mother: When I send out event invitations on Facebook it's because I'm inviting you.

  2. Nice job everyone. There's nothing funny left to tweet.

  3. At @starbucks with my HP. What a loser I am!

  4. Bathroom at the GAP is out soap. Also, there's no sink or toilet, just a mirror. I'll just use the floor?

  5. Were you gone? Hadn't noticed. "@jcoopbrowning: I'M BACK SUCKAHS!"

  6. I dislike songs about human love for God. Filthy rags. Sing about Gods love for humans, that's worth singing about. - Matt MacDonald

  7. "We're actors. We don't over react, we just react more than we should." Kristen Wiig as 60's actress, Mindy Gracin

  8. Facebook asks "What's on your mind?" to which most people respond "Me."

  9. “@HelloSomebody: Who are some of your favorite tv or movie dads?” Tobias Funkè

  10. I showed my dog this new app and he just sniffs my phone. Uh, not the point, bro!

  11. You Instagram that? “@BarackObama: A sunny afternoon with mom: http://t.co/lr4LunM9”

  12. First time I heard yogurt has culture I was all "Hold up. Yogurt got the behaviors and beliefs characteristic of a particular social group?"

  13. Had a dream I spoke on the phone with Arianna Huffington.

  14. Hold up, your church's event is gonna have light refreshments? Why didn't you say so!

  15. Owe no one anything, except to love each other.

  16. Somewhere right now, Jerry Seinfeld is wondering what the deal is with his sink not draining.

  17. I love the responses to Liberty University possibly buying the former NMH campus. NMH alumni and Northfield residents don't like the idea of a conservative college that doesn't believe in evolution.“We don’t want it to go to a place that is not open-minded, not willing to listen to the views of others...”Who's the close-minded one?

  18. Figured I'll put it out there. Anyone wanna give me a ride to NYC on April 16th?

  19. Just went over to Facebook and checked some status updates. Turns out everyone over there is still whiny and unfunny.

  20. What's the deal with observational comedy?

  21. Got 5 tweets in my draft folder waiting to be unleashed to the world. Hold tight, little buddies.

  22. I hate technology. I was wondering if there was an app that puts mustaches on my pics; two seconds later it's downloading. Too easy.