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honlads

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Posts posted by honlads

  1. Posted

    so, i've noticed sean clements (Clem Dawg) has posted 105 times, and has received 733 likes. this gives him a like to post ratio of 6.98

     

    hayes (Hayzie Bone) has posted 74 times, and has received 436 likes, giving him a like to post ratio of 5.89

     

    currently, i have posted 74 times, and have received 557 likes. this gives me a like to post ratio of 7.52

     

    this ratio is higher than the hosts of this show

     

    even if nobody likes this post, i will still have a like to post ratio of 7.42

     

    this is still higher

     

    i just felt i should make this clear

     

    Recent like inflation. I weep when I see people pushing wheelbarrows full of likes down the street. I weep. Congrats on that ratio though that's pretty sick.

    • Like 9

  3. Posted

    The Wolfcool outro faded into the past, and Hayes looked at me. He smiled proudly. "You did it, honlads. You were the corkerest of them all." I had just finished recording my first guest spot on Hollywood Handbook, and I had completely killed it. "Thanks, Hayes." "I knew you'd probably be the funniest guest yet, but I didn't realise you would also be the chillest and I'd want to have a beer with you so much!" said Sean. "Thanks, fellas. That means a lot to me." The three of us sat there, basking in the afterglow of the content we had just created, gazing into each other's eyes in a Mexican standoff of love and affection.

     

    CLANG CLANG CLANG.

     

    We were jolted back into reality. "What the heck on earth is that noise?" I said, mixing up phrases in my confusion.

     

    CLANG CLANG CLANG. There it was again; a demonic cowbell.

     

    A voice arose from outside the studio walls. It was coming from the parking lot. "Hayes and Sean, come out to play!" Sean opened his mouth to speak, "He's referencing..." "...The Warriors", I finished his sentence. I knew the reference because I am a movie buff.

     

    The voice that had called out was immediately identifiable, and it shook me to my core. It was that of outcast forum member Hayes N Sean, a man universally dismissed because of his incredibly shit name choice. A man now seeking vengeance.

     

    "We have no choice," said Hayes, "We must go to him." Sean stood up and stooped down towards me, like the way the tree creatures in The Lord of the Rings bent down to pick up those little men. I scampered up his frame and clung to him, like a backpack made of a person. There were plenty of footholds for me on his chiselled body. I could tell this guy worked out. We were ready for battle. "Let's go", he said.

     

    We proceeded out of the studio, and exited the building. An unholy sight met us in the parking lot. Hayes N Sean stood there, violently swinging a mace above his head. The mace struck many things in its deadly twist, its devastating pirouette of destruction. Cars. Signs. A heavyset passerby. Nothing could withstand its velocity.

     

    "Hey, what are you doing? You're breaking things! You just hurt that guy!" shouted Hayes. Sean spoke out, "Where did you even procure an actual mace from?" A valid question. Hayes took out his phone and called the police. They promptly arrived and defused the situation without much fuss. Hayes N Sean was arrested and charged with vandalism and identity theft. The passerby decided not to press charges.

     

    After we had spoken to the police, we went back inside. Sean set me back down on the ground. "What a weird guy", said Hayes. "The police are great", I said. "I didn't expect that to happen today!" said Sean, "Anyway, let's get this podcast wrap party underway!"

     

    The ensuing party was insane. Everyone who's anyone from the forum was there. If I were to make a list of the attendees right now, and you did not appear on said list, you would probably be some shit loser. I will mention only one person, because I will never forget what he said to me that day. It was Joe McGurl. He looked at me, bemused, and asked, "Am I appearing in a rip-off of my own story?" "Yeah, pretty much", I replied.

     

    We cracked open the sickest cooler full of ice-cold Corona and enjoyed ourselves to the max. In that moment, we were all that mattered in the world. We were together. We were family.

     

    THE END.

     

    FOR PAUL.

    • Like 24
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