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JacobCrites

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Posts posted by JacobCrites

  2. Posted

    when i started listening to hollywood handbook, i was carrying corpses to the funeral pyre. yes freidns, i was the lowest caste, a dead-toucher. i had no options for marriage. a dead-toucher woman had shown interest, but her beauty was such that her father was able to find her a suitor of the shit-toucher plumbing caste so of course she looked beyond her love for me to the much broader economic and social vistas available with a man who snakes toilets instead of carrying dead bodies. its funny, dead-touchers will know all your secrets when you pass away and the wind whispers your name and your story in our ear as we carry you to the fires, and yet when you are alive, you will not speak to us. is it that fact more than the actual handling of corpses that disgusts you about us? it is hard to say, but sometimes i think yes

     

    now that ive listened to hollywood handbook though, i have moved beyond my dead-toucher beginnings! i have climbed above the caste system's crushing strictures! i am a dead-toucher no more! i now am a broom-toucher, one of that noble caste responsible for sweeping up drug stores after they close for the night. friends, do not look up to me with awe, for i believe any of you lowly trash-touchers could climb as i have. i can only imagine what my life would be like had i not only listened to one episode of this life-changing podcast. whee-eeez the juice, sean said it like a homo, hollywood handbook #61 is my bible

    Thanks for sharing Greggy. This thread is basically now just people saying Hi to each other, so I'm glad you posted something personal. Maybe we could all share where we were when we started listening to Hollywood Handbook and how it has improved our lives?

     

    As you know, I live in Ohio. Ohio is a flat dirt-plain of nothing except two UDF gas-stations and sometimes a cow. We do, however, have a sky. Before I started listening to Hollywood Handbook, I was a cloud-looker. Most people in Ohio are too depressed to look at anything other than their shoes, which they often can't see because of the tears that well over their eye's balls. Because their head-hanging depression, it was up to me to look up into the sky and tell them what clouds were, and what they looked like, and if they were mean clouds (gray, stormy-looking or shaped like a mad face) or nice clouds (white, fluffy, or shaped like the one good UDF gas-station). As you can imagine it was tiring work craning my neck all day and constantly shouting at the top of my lungs so the whole town could hear scientific descriptions of what clouds are and what they looked like, and also I was never even paid in money because in Ohio we work on a bartering system based around dirt. After every day I was only given fifty clods of She-Dirt, which I couldn't even spend because I'm a boy. However one day I was able to trick the town blind-man and Steve Job's nephew Jebediah Jobs into thinking I was a girl, and I traded all my She-Dirt for one iPod. It was that day I discovered Hollywood Handbook, which was of course on the front page of the itunes store every day. Now I get to look straight ahead at movie scripts and hot stars instead of up at heaven fluffs.

    • Like 20

  3. Posted

    Agreed. What's the point of having Lauren Lapkus and Scott Aukerman say on every ad that there's new premium "shows" coming each week, when we've had none (except for a bunch of old comedy albums) in weeks?

    I have to agree. I've enjoyed having the mini-series', but I've heard everything I'd want to listen to at this point. I *think* there's supposed to be at least one more episode of the Superego Forgotten Classics (Paul mentioned a sci-fi episode at some point) but that's one episode of one show, and I have no idea when it's coming out.

     

    Once again, the app works fine for me, and I'm more than happy to give $5 a month (which is nothing, really) to a company that has given me so many hours of free entertainment that has genuinely improved my life. But I would like to know, just as a fan of some of the Howl Premium shows, what the game-plan is. Like, are there going to be more episodes of Wild Horses, or The Complete Woman and Superego: FC? And if so, when?

    • Like 1

  4. Posted

    I love it, too. Matt Besser does this a lot on Improv4Humans. Someone (in character) will start yelling and Matt will say, "Calm down, get off the table!" or something of that ilk. The idea of people getting mad and shaking their fists, standing on a table, or waving a strap-on battleship at their teacher's face (i4h deep cut) is always hilarious to me.

    • Like 4

  7. Posted

    When I don't like something, and that something hasn't actually hurt me, so much as it has momentarily inconvenienced my emotions, I just don't say anything. But I guess that's not true, because I'm saying something about this. So never mind.

    • Like 1

  12. Posted

    Just last night I watched the episode titled S.O.S.

     

    Bernard turns to Jin and says something along the lines of "No, three rocks across. We need the sign to be seen. Make three rows."

     

    I paused the DVD and said " I'm Jin, Rose is your wife."

     

    My wee sister laughed, so I know this is a funny joke. I thought some of the other LOSTies here might enjoy it!

    probably one of the best jokes I've ever heard, lost fan or not

    • Like 4

  13. Posted

    I've always said a good argument contains zero examples of the thing one is arguing about. So, well done. I particularly liked the part where you stated that this now retroactively exposes a deep-rooted hatred for Jewish people that's supposedly evident in the history of the entire show, even within Paul F. Tompkins. I thought it was interesting because I can't even think of a single instance where Jewish people are mentioned, outside of Jessica St. Claire asking if Scott's Jewish on one episode. And on that note, I'd also be interested in hearing about your thoughts on the way Asian people are portrayed in the last couple Womptaculars/Wompler's birthday episodes, which apprently you had absolutely no problem with.

    • Like 8
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