Silvrwoman

^someone from Reddit took what Sean said a little too personally

Found a typo, this is garbage

I'm just as suspicious as you all must be regarding the "spot on" translation, but don't worry, I've already accurately translated it for everybody's convenience: No matter what I've said previous to this statement, and no matter what I say after, Hollywood Handbook is my favorite (favorite with a 'u') podcast, and I love it more than any other podcast. Although it is #1 on my list of favorite (favorite with a 'u') podcasts, please don't tell anyone because I don't want them to know that I lied before. I will most likely deny this, but again, please disregard anything I've said in the past or anything I will say in the future regarding this matter. Thank you for your time.

Well, it was a great tweet:

Ok just got to say something while I'm drunk enough to have feelings. First off, I'm inclined not to hate Dixon because of how good his posts are, especially this last one, so I almost was gonna ask soup to revise his chart and put me at the top of the pro-Dixon list, but thankfully I have a brain and realized that, even though I have a brain that is helping me come to the conclusion I'm about to state, if I really think about it using my heart, I know that my brain is wrong, and not just cause the back of my skull is somewhat flatter than it should be (I am no longer insecure about that because I saw a photo on Reddit of a dude with a huge skull - I mean huge, about 100x the size of a golf ball, and his post about it, although an interesting perspective on how he had to go through life being shamed, ridiculed, and discriminated against, had some serious typos, run on sentences, and misuse of parenthesis, so I know even ppl with beautiful, perfect, abnormally huge skulls can be stupid and so therefore my misshaped head, even though normal sized and flat as a board at that one spot, is nothing to be ashamed of especially compared to that freak), but actually because it is just one brain and thus does not have the same power as tons of brains, and so I have to take into account other ppls brains, which can help me figure out what my true feelings are, in my heart, one of which is that I trust ranran 100% and therefore conclude that Dixon sux

It's the best when they express their love for each other!

Today, my co-worker told me that tomorrow is her dog's birthday which is also her best friend's birthday. I joked, "My dog is my best friend too," which led to her explaining how she meant that her "pet dog" happened to share the same bday as her friend, "who is a human," but that they are two separate entities. She said all this very slowly, like one might have spoken to an alien from another planet or an automated customer service line menu in the 90's.

The battery turns yellow anytime it's not at 69%. Why would I need a warning otherwise?

Aw man, I knew I should have gotten the bigger screen. I just thought it might be good in case of a dope Angry Birds update; I didn't know Spunky's anger would be the real reason. Lesson learned: always get a bigger screen

Agata, thank you for the episode description; I never thought I’d be so happy to be Jamie Kennedy Experimented on. This episode is now my favorite Hollywood Handbook episode podcast episode piece of entertainment hour of all time. Sean and Hayes, I am sorry that I generated those Tweets and created those entertainment review websites praising the non-Sean episodes; I just hoped, as you two implied in this week’s episode, it would make Sean jealous which would bring you two back together. You all are probably not wondering how I did this, so I’ll explain… Getting the Tweets was the easy part. I just had to find a few vacuous, indifferent sheep by creating a handful of mediocre podcasts, such as How Did This Get Made and WTF; this established a fan base of idiots who would unknowingly be key players in my scheme plot plan fun idea. Luckily, I had the foresight, or rather my psychic/astrologist/doctor had the extrasensory perception, to know to do this many years in advance. Coincidentally, just as my podcasts finally gained a few fans, Earwolf started releasing new Hollywood Handbook episodes with only one of the two funniest people of all time. Even though these solo HH episodes were great, and still better than any other podcast’s episodes, nothing compares to Sean and Hayes together; I knew it was time to execute the “Manipulate Sean and Hayes Back Together For the Benefit of All Mankind Conspiracy,” or what my excel spreadsheet likes to call, “A100087.” The first step was to get these idiot fans of other podcasts to start listening to Hollywood Handbook. I had a well-conceived plan for getting this to happen, but lucky for everybody’s first born, I didn’t have to go through with it. Thankfully, Sean and Hayes were so great and funny during their appearance on CBB, that they made it into CBB’s Best Ofs which led a lot of people, including the dumb fans of the podcasts I created, into trying out HH. When the HDTGM, WTF, etc. fans heard their first HH episode, which happened to be one of the non-Sean episodes due to timing, they were in awe of how amazing it was, especially compared to the descent yet unremarkable podcasts with which they were familiar. Anyway, while I’ve been posting on the HH forum, I’ve also been posting on the other podcasts’ forums and ingratiating myself with their fan community so that those pinheads would take my advice when I told them to Tweet their feelings about HH, the podcast that they only very recently discovered. This led to all the nice tweets about how great the non-Sean episodes were; you see, it was not because these episodes were necessarily better than other HH episodes, it was just because these Tweeters didn’t know anything other than the mediocre non-HH podcasts, and had never heard Sean and Hayes together. They weren’t wrong (for once in their lives probably lol) – those were great episodes, but unbeknownst to them, every HH episode is great. Oh and the even easier part was creating AV Club, etc., but I wanted to keep this a short post, so I won’t go into that. Thankfully, now that Sean and Hayes are back together, I can finally cancel those other podcasts.

Sorry, I could see how what I said was inconsiderate of everyone's feelings. Let me try again: What I meant to say is that TC69 is the least worst out of all of you, and so if a gun was put to my head, and I had to pick a favorite, I would choose the guy holding the gun or TC69, depending on my mood. (Jk but I could never actually choose a favorite because I like you all for different reasons)

Sorry, you're right, that's what I meant

This is how someone with the name "Thundercock69" became my favorite

Ashley, now that you're famous can I be part of your entourage? I will hold an umbrella over your head at all times, even when it's not raining just to be sure. The only time I will talk to you is to tell you how much better you are than everyone else, except of course that one time I'll make a joke referencing a 10 year old Rhianna song, at which point we will both cringe and you'll buy me an attachment so that I can walk far behind you but still hold the umbrella at that flattering angle to which you've grown accustomed

great, now he's attached and has all these expectation. Thanks a lot wargen. Next

Dare

In fear of becoming just another Jeffrey, nohorseman, or Ashley, I took Devin's advice very seriously, and decided to go outside today: And Spunky, you storm out like this:

Hi Sam, I really enjoyed you on the engineer episode. Don't let anyone tell you it's because we share the same nickname; that would be very rude of them P.S. I hear Ashley likes motorcycles almost as much as she likes engineers

Holy shit! I'm not sure if you all know what it's like to forget that it's Monday night, but then you see the new episode description, teaser freezer and all! It reminds me of that time I thought I lost the child I was babysitting, and it took me forever to leave the house cause I could not remember where I left it at all. I searched everywhere under the couch, but then I realized she was up against my ear the whole time; she was holding my phone and I was calling my parents to very gracefully tell them I would not come to their house for dinner until they got better internet speeds. Anyway, once I found the child in my arms, I felt just as thrilled as I do now about this new episode. It's like they say, "you don't know what you've got until you remember it's holding your phone"

6.9 days, but thank you for noticing TC

Ok, so I don’t want to sound like a crazy conspiracy theorist or anything, but I’ve been thinking about this whole thing and it all can’t just be a coincidence. Let me explain. If you look at the number “2016” you will see 2 things. The 1st thing you will notice is that subtracting the last 2 digits, 16, from the first 2 digits, 20, will give you 4.You will also see that there are 4 digits in the number 2016. Looking closely, you may also observe that the sum of 20 and 16 is 36. Keep that number in mind as we continue. Please count the letters in David Bowie’s name as well is the letters in Alan Rickman’s name and add the total number of letters in the name “David Bowie” with the total number of letters in the name, “Alan Rickman”. If you have done this correctly, you should have found 21 letters. Now add 21 to your previous finding, 36. Add the two digits of your sum, which should be 57, together. You should have come up with the number 12. If you did not, please start over from the beginning. 12 days before the date David Bowie passed away, January 10, 2016, is December 29, 2015. If you remember, this is one of the 2 Tuesday’s in recent Hollywood Handbook history that a new episode was not released. A vital piece of information that should not be overlooked is that I was born in 1987. What is the sum of my birth year’s digits? [spoiler ALERT: it’s [b]25[/b]]. Add this number with the digit sum of the total number of letters in the phrase, “Hayes and Sean,” (I've probably said this like 7 times on here already, but I love those guys) which will give you a total of 28. It may surprise you that my birthday is on the 28th day of July. Even more bizarre, during my most recent birthday, I had 8 drinks, at Club 3411, blew out 28 candles, and learned that skin sensitivity regarding lotions is “not a good small talk topic” and “how are you surprised that your ‘Lotion Defense’ did not sway the Jury in your favor," and “how is any of this relevant to me asking if you come here often?” Here’s where it gets really spooky. Add together all the digits stated in this analysis so far, turn to the person sitting next to you and say the digit sum. Notice anything interesting about that number? It's the digit sum of the number 6969696969696969696969696969!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guest, What motivational Tweet has influenced you the most, and in which way has it changed your life so drastically?

Dear Guest, You have a time machine that could only take you to the 1990's and back to present day, and nothing you did could affect present day except if you personally murdered someone. Present day would not reflect any direct or indirect consequences of this person's death that would affect you personally; however this person not existing in the present day could affect other people, but not you or your loved ones. Unfortunately, the time machine is broken. How would you repurpose this broken machine into a cool, conversation-starting piece of furniture, and is it going to be a coffee table?

I really wanted to participate in Jeffrey's mandatory picture drawing demand this week; however, "someone" ate all my crayons (allegedly), so here's this instead: *Yes, that is a hot dog toaster TV machine.

Ashley, you're telling me those aren't boobs?