DeathToMikeyBay

Well props to Combs for the best Glover impression ever.

A much worse post Roger Rabbit 1992 cartoon+live action movie was Cool World. My god, Cool World. I dare you to watch that and not become physically nauseous. Brad Pitt enters a world of ugly generic Ralph Bakshi cartoons where he must hunt down a cartoon Kim Basinger who turns into a real person after he fucks her. At no stage in development should it have seemed like a good idea.

Huh? This was a good one. The special effects were in no sense bad for the time (a lot of the stuff was cutting edge), pre-LotR Peter Jackson is the BEST Peter Jackson, and that FBI guy is Crispen Glover, aka George McFly and that's pretty much how he always acts.

Siamese screenwriter buddies John Brancato and Michael Ferris. You could have an entire field day with their writing career: -The Net (Sandra Bullock in bad late 90s hacker movie) -The Game (Michael Douglas in the world's most convoluted thriller that makes the plan in Reindeer Games look foolproof) -Terminator 3 (a retreat in-joke where the writing job consisted of repeating lines from the previous movies) -Catwoman (nuff said) -Terminator Salvation (http://www.poe-news.com/forums/sp.php?pi=1002284742) -Surrogates (a sci-fi dystopian cautionary tale of robot Bruce Willis wearing lots of makeup and a bad toupee) -The upcoming Death Wish remake These two have been committing movie atrocities for far too long. Catwoman was only the beginning. Someone has to take them down!

I recently came up with a theory that ANY premium channel series can become a hit as long as the production values are high enough, you have bare boobs within the first 5 minutes of the pilot (attached to a woman in the middle of a screaming orgasm), and the main character has a dysfunctional family/home life. Then I caught Hemlock Grove this week: check check and check!

I'm only saying this because I love you guys and want to see you soar to perfection, but more making fun of insane parts of the movie, less carrying on over unimportant plot details. More impressions of cigar shop men writing the script to Devils Advocate, less debating Eddie Murphey's club owner status in Pluto Nash. More making fun of Christine's makeup and missed pizza outings in Burlesque, less tracing family trees in Sleepaway Camp. More mindblowing name revelations in Reindeer Games, less debating the definition of a street fighter.

Haven't listened to the episode yet, but I'm betting on lots of exasperated sighing from June over the fact that this was Raul Julia's final movie.

I feel like you can't appreciate Uwe Boll if you don't watch his earliest movies. They started out comically terrible, but as time went on he "improved" so that they were just terrible. Dull terrible. Not enjoyable at all. Check out the infamous scene from his first game movie, House of the Dead. Based on shooting game (think Duck Hunt on the Nintendo), Uwe has an action gun scene where he randomly splices in footage from the video game. You have to see it to believe it.

I've listened to this episode for 3 hours and I still haven't finished it. I usually do something else while listening, and every minute or so I'm just hearing things like dicknose, road trip, scenic Jersey, sheriff, mortal kombat fatality roller coaster, etc. and suddenly I shake my head asking what the hell is going on so I restart the episode. Much like Keanu in Devil's Advocate, I'm stuck in a hellish loop.

ALSO I solved the whole time loop question: The end was God looking down and saying, "Stop! Reset!"

Oh geez I forgot those.

and I also forgot to mention that "cigar shop cool" is the absolute perfect way to describe this movie. I would almost bet money that around release, some promo for this movie ran on the cover of Cigar Aficionado magazine.

Now that I think about it, did Chevy Chase make ANY funny movies besides the Vacation series? Nothing But Trouble, Fletch, Cops & Robertsons. Bleh

One thing about this episode: they totally should have brought back Pete Holmes for this. The dueling Pacino impressions from 88 Minutes is my personal favorite HDTGM moment.

I had the exact same experience as June. During college this movie was playing EVERY NIGHT on the student movie channel. I always had a big issue with this movie. The whole "free will" thing has always been the cornerstone of the entire Christian Devil mythos. Not to mention its repeating a dozen times in this movie. The whole point of Satan is that he uses man's own flawed nature against him through temptation. But then you have Jeffrey Jones' character making the free will decision to testify against Pacino and...the devil kills him. Later you have Weaver trying to prosecute Pacino and...the devil kills him. Then you have Charlize trying to act as Keanu's conscious and...the devil harasses her to insanity then rapes her. Free will, right?

I demand a 2nd worst Halloween movie, just so you can do Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows! It just got added to Netflix Instant so everyone can check it out. It's so amazingly bad you have to watch. One of those plots that's completely incoherant through sheer incompetence, ghosts summoned via computer keyboard commands, teleporting underwear, and just the general awe of how the studio completely missed the point of the original movie.

"Hey, it's 1991 and Bruce Willis is huge from Die Hard. Why not put him back into a Moonlighting setting with lots of European locations? How can it lose?" Starring Bruce Willis as a cat burglar who times his heists by singing show tunes to himself, I'm not kidding when I say that this movie is up there with Love Guru as a surreal endless parade of jaw-droppingly misfired jokes.

2 was the best in the franchise. The opening traffic accident alone was great. Though the single best "kills" are still the teacher in the first one and the tanning bed in 3.

Is it too late for my summerr movie suggestions? Hudson Hawk On paper this must have seemed like a sure thing. Bruce Willis, fresh off of Die Hard, was put back into a Moonlighting type role in a Europe-spanning adventure. What a misfired disaster though. It's almost up there with Love Guru for endless parade of "wacky" moments that make you cringe at the notion that someone thought these were funny.

This movie was the EXACT plots of 3 different movies stapled together. The beginning was an EXACT copy of The Naked Prey. The middle was an EXACT copy of Predator. The ending was an EXACT copy of Lord of the Flies.

Wow, looking at imdb credits. This movie also killed Chris O'Donnell's movie career and exiled him to television. The thing with camp is that in order to make it work, you have to play it completely straight. Adam West knew this. But 90 minutes of George Clooney and Chris O'Donnell being smug douches smirking at every "cute" line they deliver? No so much.

Blair Witch 2 Take a groundbreaking indie horror movie, then replace everything with generic hollywood mush. NOTHING in this movie makes any sense. SPOILERS The highlight is the most laughable computer scene in movie history. They're trying to find missing video footage on their editing program. Some girl mutters "backwards", so they try to play the tapes backwards. Nothing. Then someone says, "Type in the command backwards!". This magically allows them to see ghosts on the missing footage! Not only was the magic command hilarious, but so was the idea that a video player was using typed commands like it was an 80s BASIC system. Surrogates The "thought provoking" Bruce Willis science fiction movie that subtely asks the question if technology makes us shut ins. Why yes, in the future people stay at home so they can pilot remote controlled robots to nightclubs so they can have sex with other people's remote controlled robots. The whole story feels like it should have been the plot to a bad Jean Claude Van Damm movie like Time Cop. GOOD insane movies Fifth Element, Big Trouble in Little China

At one point the evil scientist is explaining his new super soldiers. Usually when someone says, "In English," it's in response to some technobable or specialized scientific knowledge. In this scene, it's when the mad scientist explains that the super soldiers' pain nerves are removed. This has to be further dumbed down to "They feel no pain". That gives you an idea of the target audience. And no it's not a kid's movie. What 13 year old doesn't know about nerves?

Just to give you an idea of this movie's idea of humor, at one point Dian Keaton searches for a dating site on the internet and brings up a porn site movie by mistake. Its volume shakes the walls and she "hilariously" can't figure out how to turn it off or turn it down, then her dog starts humping furniture at the sound of two humans fucking I guess. ....yeah

Oooo! And the next best part of Blair Witch 2: the continuity breaking nudity. It's like they wanted nudity, but balked at the idea of full frontal. So you have these scenes where people are totally naked from behind, but in shots where they turn around they suddenly have underwear on. Then it's right back to being totally naked once they turn their backs again. Definitely a WTF moment.