TheWurstMember

#AwfulFirstDraftDialogue "My Dinner With Andre was like any dinner. Food, wine, and conversation!" THE END.

My ex told me a terrible joke and said it was going in her stand-up routine. She has no real interest in stand-up and never makes ME laugh. I find that when someone goes out of their way to tell you they're funny, they're usually an embarrassment, and an insult to the comedy world.

#AwfulFirstDraftDialogue (sings reprise sweetly) "Cuz I've got a GOL-DEN DICK-HEAD..."

How are the concessions at porn theaters? #Hmm

Name droppers...how do you call them out?

Look at all those followers! That guy must have a huge twitter dick.

I apologize, I forgot to change my tweet font to sarcastic on the last tweet.

just announced: Daniel Day-Lewis signed on an @AdamSandler movie! He's playing the title part of, "Fart Baby" in blackface! Amazing!

I can't wait for these internet trolls to drop dead, so I can chisel "FAKE!" on their tombstone.

I gave a guy perfect directions; he walks away and asks another guy for directions! I borrowed my friend's car and ran him over. LOL!

#AwfulFirstDraftDialogue "This town is huge! There's plenty of room for the both of us!"