Toby Keith Sweat

wow, it was really tough to hear sean get emotional about the goose nipping at his bottom through his overalls and making his tookus all spotted with bruises. i knew that us midwestern fucking jerkoffs had to deal with that kind of pain, but you sometimes forget that our heroes were once just little farm orphans too and that they weren't born in a pair of totally fucking slick wayfarers and a v-neck so deep that it borders on being a vest while the nurse tries to sneak a peak at a certain part of their anatomy, they had to really work at it for at least a week or two it just really makes you think

where, though? where does he lives?

It's cool to know that Hayes and I are the same age & while he's out friggen banging Elaine from Seinfeld on the reg in the backseat of his Tesla, I'm over here in fucking Bumfuck Wherever, USA harvesting oats or whatever, surfing the net for Julie Louis nip-slip pics while riding the bus.

http://youtu.be/b90Cf6ARscc?t=8s please, everyone, remember to have this video playing as you browse the forums this week so as to have the authentic Hollywood Handbook Experience.

nice

This was a very funny episode. I enjoyed it very much, thank you. I did catch something though, Sean said he had his mother with him for 140 years or w/e. Now, as far as I know, the only things that can live that long are a) certain trees, turtles, or c) draculars. So, I guess my question is-- is Master Splinter nice?

I really appreciate the boys (and in this case lil esther) taking the time to explain to us every day Hollywood minutiae to those of us whom live in horseshit, dumb fucking, re-[DACTED] flyover states. Like, for example, I never even thought that the starlets and stars of the silver screen had to worry about making weight until Mrs. Esser brought it up, and then it's like, doi! of course! But, Hollywood being what it is, they don't just work out and diet to make weight, no, they have Wayons every Tuesday. Imagine that, The entire Wayans family, from Damon to Keenen Ivory to Damon Jr., all there to encourage you and inspire you to shed those unsightly pounds. Hollywood! What a town!

did sheiky baby call you a jabroni or did he think you were the real? theres no greater compliment than being considered to be the real by the iron sheik. but, conversely, being call a jabroni isnt something id wish on my worst enemy. not even that dastardly chanson deserves that.

v so deep that it made me cry & stare out a window for a few hours while it rained this is a play on the meaning of deep that means "not superficial; profound; grave or serious; heartfelt or sincere." i hope you all liked my unique, sort of twisted take on this joke. thanks, all.

Mr Morris, you follow 187 people on twitter.com. Section 187 of the California Penal Code defines the crime of murder. Is this a coincidence or do you find something inherently funny about murder? Thank you for your time.

haha, ok, enough pranking around. the real website is of course audiblepodcast.com/handbook sorry for pulling your collective leg, everyone. as an apology, please let me recommend an audiobook, which you can download for free if you go to audiblepodcast.com/handbook. "motorcycle man" by kristen ashley is a story about Tyra Masters [who] has had enough drama to last a lifetime. Now, she's back on track and looking forward to her new, quiet life. Until she meets the man of her dreams. The tattooed, muscled biker plies her with tequila-and the best sex of her life. She knows it isn't the tequila and hot sex talking. He's the kind of man she's always wanted. Unfortunately, he's also her new boss…

I was curious about all the religious talk in this weeks episode so I checked out the King James Bible (on audible.com using the promo code "Hollywood," natch) and maybe its just me-- but this stuff makes a lot of sense! It's like... why don't we, as God fearing Christians, just, like, make everyone be a Christian?? Through force & violence. Seems like the world would be a lot better off, imo. idk, let me know what y'all think. lol

Ah crap, someone taught a snake how to use the internet! hahahah haha, just kidding, I know that technology doesn't exist yet.

Mr Gilford, who is the biggest prankster that you've ever worked with? Conventional wisdom would say that it'd be Johnny Knoxville when you worked on The Last Stand, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Michael K. Williams totally had everyone bussin' up on the set of The Purge: Anarchy. Also, your last name sort of sounds like "gilf for," so, what is a gilf for?

oh, and todays episode of hollywood handbook was also very funny or w/e

that was a very funny video, gototimsvlogdotnet. good job.

Hello everyone. I know we like to joke around a lot on here, but I come to you today with a very serious matter. I'm reaching out because we need volunteers to watch over Bruce Reid Robinson the Second over the next 48 hours, possibly longer. After listening to today's podcast it's clear that Bruce is probably going to end his shitty existence because his mentor/deity Jason Mantzoukas revealed that he's a garbage person and an insignificant piece of crap. I can watch him for the first half hour or so, but after that I really need to finish watching True Detective (no spoilers!)

Hello Mr. Sam. Just so you know the normal engineers let us go to lunch 10 minutes early and we usually get an extra half hour of recess time, so as long as you do that we definitely won't spit spitballs at you while your back is turned.

NO

haha, I hope you didn't run into that monkey!! the one that was at that ikea that one time! do you remember that??! hahaha

Today's episode was a real reality (show show) check. All this time, Hayes and Sean have been providing me with invaluable information and I haven't given them one single thing in return. The way I figure it, it's high time that I stop suckin' off the Hollywood Handbook teet for free and start carrying my weight around here.

Thank you guys for having the stones to call out the bullshit artists that try to pass themselves off as police is this country. I mean, when was the last time a cop actually did anyone any good? First, they try to frame O.J., then they keep locking up our beloved celebrities for made-up crimes like "driving under the influence," and I don't even wanna get started on the whole Rodney King incident. About the only decent thing a cops done lately is help that 4-year-old with his math homework and even then he didn't do that good of a job. Not to mention the show Cops steals jobs from the real heroes; sit-com writers and actors.

Rajon Rando is leading the NBA in LOLs and WTFs this season. Also, assists. Dude can drop dimes.

I'll tell you where I wouldn't go-- Transylvania!!! If I wanted to be surrounded by a bunch of lifeless blood-suckers I'd go to my ex-wife's family reunion!!!

"Adrian Monk"