Toby Keith Sweat

Dear Mr Rusp, We all know how to get into the funny zone by now, but how do you get out of the funny zone? Like, when you were working on the Inglorious B-Words in Apartment 23 how did you keep yourself from just straight bussin' up all those nazi guys? Also, what's Quentin Terrintito like? I heard that he's just a big ole teddy bear and I'd hate to think what would happen if I found out it wasn't true.

I know it's probably a little too late to ask Mr Thomas any questions but I'd be really interested to know how he felt not being the best dressed guy in the room for once? I bet he walked into the playboy mansion (where I assume the podcast is recorded), saw that "Bustin' it Nightly" t-shirt, and took a big ole stinkin' shit right in his freshly pressed trousers. This is the big leagues, Tomcats, a vest and a tie? To quote Mark's daughter Shania, that don't impress me much. Also, Sean, do you think that maybe the reason you had such a hard time getting into Fruitvale Station is that every time Michael B. Jordan was on screen you were like "Hey, isn't that supposed to be my close friend Michael "Regular" Jordan? That doesn't look like my close friend Michael "Regular" Jordan, but it says right there on the poster that that is Michael "Regular" Jordan, who is my close friend"? I know this was the problem I had when I watched it the first time, then someone explained to me that it was Michael "Regular" Jordan in like this makeup stuff actors wear sometimes like Robert Williams did in Mrs. Doubtfired. Now that I get it, it's easily the 2nd funniest movie I've ever seen right after The Usual Suspects, which we all can agree has the biggest surprise, and therefore funny, ending.

Mr Topcats, How did you know when you finally "made it" in Hollyweird (Hollywood)? I'm thinking of becoming a big star in Hollyweird (Hollywood.) Would you reccomend I get a Ferrari Testarossa or a Lamborghini Murcielago? Do you have any fantasy football sleepers this week?

As far as candy goes, if my mom doesn't get me some of that new Zebra Stripe gum with the Louis Vuitton wrappers I. am. just. going. to. die.

I can appreciate that Adam Pauly has a background in inmprovisational humor or whatever and that he wanted to maybe stretch his comedic legs by doing some character work, but this whole ironic "there are plenty of sports on TV" and "I'm not a prankster" attitude has no place on this podcast. I mean, I'm here to learn how to get into Hollywood and this jokester is over here trying to bus' everyone up. Yes, we all like to bus' up from time to time but there is a time and a place for this kind of "ironic character work" (which frankly is the lowest form of comedy). Save it for Gelmania, Pal. Anyways, great job in dealing with this jamoke, guys. It takes a lot of professionalism to deal with someone like that and just goes to show why this podcast is consistantly ranked number 1 on iTunes week after week.

Just doing my part, gang. Seriously, guys. I know we all like to have fun on here and try to bus' each other up so a lot of you are probably like "hey, I'm going to like the facebook page because those knuckleheads told me not to, that'll be really cut 'em up!" But seriously, now is not the time for this. 69! 69 people like it! For once in our miserable lives can't we just do something right and leave this perfection alone?

I hope it's ok if I just go straight into a pitch here. I'm sure you guys can appreciate a knucklehead who wants to kick butt and drop names in the red-carpet-lined back hallways of this industry we call showbiz and there's no better way I can think of than going right to source of Hollyweird (nice one, Mart), a guy who is ostensibly a transformer and another who might have walked on the moon. Alright, so Sean mentioned being a bit of a jock type which got me to thinking-- why aren't there any sports on TV? It's like we have all these singing and dancing documentary shows, but nothing that shows off athletic skill. What I'm proposing here is a news show where theres two groups of people, maybe one group is like a bunch of really "real" people who think they rule, and some other people are always out on the road, which basically is their world. Call it like Real Rules v.s. Road World Challenge or something. Anyway, not only do they compete against each other, but they LIVE with each other. Hey, guess what Christian lady? Your roommate is an Atheist. Oh, hi, girl who’s afraid of snakes, wanna meet your roommate? It’s a snake charmer. Gee, it’s too bad about that peanut allergy, guy, it must really suck to not be able to enjoy a nice peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Anyway, here’s your roommate, I think you might know him; it’s Mr. Peanut. Dang, it’s too bad that your family was run over by a bus, dude. On a completely different note, here’s your roommate; a fucking bus. Anyway, just an idea to get the ball rolling. If you guys want to meet up and talk it over, maybe over a cup of joe, drop me a line at hollyweirdinsiderhahajustkiddinghollywoodinsider6969@aol.com

I appreciate you trying to cheer me up and all, and trust me nothing cheers me up like giving a dingus a swirly, but I just don't know if I can give a swirly through tear filled eyes. My heart just wouldn't be in it today. Ahh, who am I kidding. C'mere ya big lug

R.I.P.D Reality Show Show. Too metafictional to live, too postmodern to die. Engineer Frank, please make this loop in the background for this page. Thanks buddy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GLwA4P3QDk

Am I being Prank 'Em'd?!

This is another classic Sean & Hayes Prank 'Em! The boys are well known for pulling pranks on unsuspecting baffoons (trying to convince us that there is such a thing as a good sweet AND salty food, acting like Lorne Michaels would ever let them leave the SNL auditions without multi-million dollar contracts, pretending like Engineer Frank is a respectible member of society, etc. etc. etc.) In fact, it's become such a mainstream, cultural thing that a lot of times when something a little screwy is going on people will look around and be like "Am I being Prank 'Em'd?! Where's Sean and Hayes?!"

wait wait wait wait wait wait wait sweet AND salty?!?!

Heres a thing you don't know about me. Anytime I hear something meta-fictional or post-modern in my ears, I nod my head as if to say "yes, I understand and also agree. I understand sooooooooooo much. I get this. Maybe some people don't, but I get this for sure. I know what those words mean, you definitely don't need to explain them to me." It's like, if I didn't know what you guys were talking about I wouldn't nod my head. But I nodded my head during the entire episode. So i DEFINITELY get it. I know I don't NEED to say this, but if people don't get what I'm saying here, it's both metafictional AND postmodern.

I've been here. I've always been here. I'll always be here. Watching. Waiting. Ready to give you dinguses swirlies.

I'm gonna give every last one of you dinguses a fuckin' swirly

You know, I went into this full fledged, I really wanted to give it my all on quitting quitting. But, if I'm being honest, it was a lot harder than I thought. I just couldn't do it. I guess you could say that I quit quitting quitting.

I quit quitting. I'm not going to quit any more.

What's Hunger Games?

Chanson, when there were only one set of footprints in the sand it wasn't that RSS abandoned you, it was when Hayes was carrying you-- And Sean was walking directly behind in the same exact footprints so there was still only one set.

It's great to have the boys back and all, but I gotta tell you-- I'm really disappointed that they decided to censor themselves on John Cochran's nickname. It really just took me out of the whole interview. I mean, the whole time I'm thinking "his friends call him what?" We know his name is John Cochran. We've got that. But his friends call him John BLANK-ring. I guess they don't literally call him "John Blank-ring." So I'm assuming his nickname is a play on his real name. That takes John Wedding-ring and John Engagement-ring out of the mix. So what are we left with, then? John Boxing-ring? John Telephone-ring? John The-ring(like that one movie "The Ring")? Now that I think about it, that's probably it. John The-ring(like that one movie "The Ring") not only has a really good "ring" to it, but it makes sense that they'd have to censor it so as to avoid copywrite infringement. So there we go, gang. Hopefully this helps out some future RSS listeners. You can rest safe knowing that his friends call him John The-ring and hopefully you won't get caught up looking at the ring wikipedia article for hours like I did.

Well, I have no other choice. This is me now.

That's a suckers play. I'm saving all of my money til the very end. I ain't spending one single dollar or bidding on one single thing.

This is for Marrisa's eyes only. Everyone else DO NOT READ PAST THIS POINT THANK YOU . . . . . . . . . . . . maybe you and i could womp it up... 2gether? https://vine.co/v/b92MVXPBdK6 that says "p.s. I have a goatee". which is true. I have one.

It's so common place these days it's really impossible to nail it down to one specific person really.

Plus, his dad sounds exactly like what you'd think of when you think "gold prospector". Unfortunately, Todd's poor decision making isn't even the worst among gold digging shows. There's another one where a couple of idiots go to Africa to mine a gold claim, which obviously just loses them money. On the very first episode they tell you that originally it was a group of 3 of them, but the gold digging got to be such a money pit that the third guy killed himself. But beyond that it was just as boring as every other digging show out there. And not to rub it in, Sean, because I know you've probably beat yourself up a lot about it, but man, you really blew it, man. It's just like the old saying goes, on your death bed are you gonna say "boy, I wish I had spent more time at work", or are you gonna think "boy, I wish I had got jerked off in a famous museum in front of the Mona Lisa?"