AdamFlowers

#TweetYour16YearOldSelf One more thing: Don't have anything to drink at your cousin Jeff's 21st Birthday. Just DON'T.

Mystery of Prince Rupert's Drop at 130,000 fps - Smarter Every Day 86 http://t.co/8MJrYS6J1K

Bill Pullman, Bill Paxton, Gabriel Byrne, & Aiden Quinn all walk into a bar. Bartender has catastrophic nervous breakdown.

The only time a non-Portuguese white person can have an Ukulele is if they're 10 & exiting a Hilo Hattie.

PLEASE READ THE COMMENTS. Shakespeare Rap: http://t.co/91PxlXLuAs

I miss Michael Pritchard's stand up, but name someone else trying to help kids with emotional intelligence? http://t.co/Q2R8V844gV

Dance. http://t.co/1selexzHf7

.@SenorFrogsVegas I left a liter beer sling with goat leather strap at your fine establishment. It was my great-grandmother's & need it back

My 6 yr-old niece: (SINGS) "Happy Birthday to you! You're never gonna get married!"

Tilda "Cows Come Home" Swinton, batting clean-up.

We will have no justification when our new Squirrel Overlords hold us to account.

Don't judge me. http://t.co/8kvxvjzQA9

An old-time radio show with every racial & cultural stereotype showcased & also slide whistles.

What do we want? ADD. When do we want...wait. Why do we want that? To make fun of it? Oh, REAL mature. You guys are mean & unfunny.

So many of you have nothing really to be angry about.

The infernal fugue. http://t.co/tU0YDrAUYb

Go to Pandora. Artist search for Guru. Create new station. Yes, I know. YOU'RE WELCOME

#FF Twitter's answer to Joshua Jackson---> @JaimsVanDerBeek

Just ran into my accountant at this party, so, yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Things are going well. Only one fedora spotted so far tonight.

The Borscht Belt, but for pants.

Almost none of my Black friends on Twitter are friends with any of my non-black friends on Twitter.

A novel, but with "of" & "if" switched like on Twitter.

I MISSED THE 2 DAY SALE AT OFFICEMAX

#NP The Four Tops - "I Can't Help Myself" http://t.co/YBWRAC1v7l