the baa detective

I couldn't find it through the search function, so I post it, just in case. If someone has already posted it, just tell me and I will take it down. Starring Sylvester Stallone, Sharon Stone and James Woods http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111255/

You know it's not a good sci-fi movie, when the most memorable scene is JCVD doing a split on the kitchen table.

Episode #1 Guest: Betty White...

Like June, I hate planes. And I had a lot of plane rides. And it seems that the convicts on the plane had far bigger stretching space than a passenger on a normal econmy-class passenger seat!

1. Why did Tricia continue to work as a waitress in a kind-of-seedy bar (well, it did have 3 psychotic redneck) when she’s 9 months/ 1 hour/ allegedly pregnant? Won’t this increase the chance of miscarriage? She should stay at home and rest. A better question: why did Poe, who seemed to be very protective of his wife, let her work in this kind of bar, especially since a beautiful waitress like her must had been harassed by more than 3 redneck? He’d worked as an army ranger, so they must save up quite a bit of money. If they really short on cash, Poe could have gone and look for a job. Or if she really, really likes to be a waitress, go work in somewhere safer, somewhere she didn’t have to come home really late at night. 2. Why didn’t the media pick up on this manslaughter case? A war hero was arrested for killing a rapist thug in order to defend his beautiful pregnant wife? Come on! News channels and journalists love this kind of story. There should have been people outside the courthouse, protesting with signs like “Free Cameron Poe,” “Let our p-Poe go!” (sorry, not very good with sign puns) 3. The loose brick in Cyrus’ cell might have been a nod, or an attempt to pay homage to The Shawshank Redemption? 4. A possible Jerry Bruckheimer defense for the cop’s comment on Pinball's body: “Have you ever thought that maybe this officer is really into astronauts and know everything there is to know about astronauts and like Jeff Winger in Community writes letters to astronauts? Which is why he’s fairly certain the body did not believe to an astronauts. You say my movie is full of one dimensional characters. Boom! Here’s one 3 dimensional character who has hobbies and hopes and dreams – and he only appears in one scene!” 5. The Ranger Creed does have something about not leaving your comrades behind – well, kind of: “I will never leave a fallen comrade to fall into the hands of the enemy and under no circumstances will I ever embarrass my country.” (http://en.wikipedia....ki/Ranger_Creed) 6. It occurred to me, after reading a wiki article on “Planet Hulk,” there are similarities between the Hulk and Poe. The Hulk were sent away by the Avengers, and ended up in a prison-like planet, and Poe got sent to jail; in both cases, the reasons for their imprisonment had something to do with their bodies being, or perceived to be, dead weapons. Like Poe, the Hulk returned home (earth) in a flying vehicle which was full of dangerous characters. And like the Hulk, Poe became more powerful when he became angry. Oh my God! Poe is the Hulk! Yeah, I know this is a stretch…

Maybe Garland Greene didn't kill the little girl, simply because her head was too small. If he was to make her head into a hat, it won't fit into his head.

June loves plane movies, specifically plane thriller and plane action movie, because the stakes is higher. I wonder if she like romantic comedy and drama set in airplane?

You know, I didn't watch a lot of episodes of Ally Mcbeal, but I never saw her, in any of the episodes I watched, doing a closing argument. She did sometimes cross examine the witness, but most of the time, it's the Peter MacNicol character who did the closing argument. And the scene when the character does the closing argument, I think we can more or less agree on this, tends to be one of the most important scenes in a legal drama. Did she ever do any closing argument AT ALL?!

Well, the writer of Chinatown, many deem as the greatest movie ever, wrote Mission Impossible:2...although, to be fair, he was forced to rewrite the script by the producer and worked under a lot of restrictions... Japan? I thought the only foreign country Disclosure talked about was Malaysia...

I wish they made a sequel like this: Lake Placid: A Play in 3 Acts Synopsis: Based on the popular 1999 movie, Lake Placid: A Play in 3 Acts is a fresh, modern take on the Frankenstein tale that re-tells the original story of Lake Placid from the perspectives of the two giant crocodile twins. After their parents was killed by a mad woman who mistook them as vengeful sharks near the Bahama, two orphan crocodiles had no way to go and ended up hitching a ride on the fishing boat of the foul-mouthed Mr. Bickerman to Maine and eventually were adopted by him and his wife. The childless couple named the two brothers “New York” and “Maine,” and treated them like their own sons. Sadly, the happy life didn’t last. Although New York and Maine were raised by humans, the wild instinct of the crocodile still flowed in the two brothers’ veins, and could not be suppressed, no matter how hard they tried. Eventually it erupted, resulting in a tragic freak accident that took away their foster father’s life. From then onwards, it became even harder for the twin to suppress the nature of the crocodiles. A few years after the accident, the older one of the two brothers, New York succumbed to the darkness lying underneath his scale and killed a Fish and Game officer. This time, the death didn’t come unnoticed and attracted the attention of the town sheriff, a psychotic crocodile enthusiast millionaire, another Fish and Game officer, all of whom were deeply misogynistic and had absolutely no idea how a tampon worked, as well as an irritating, nature-hating female paleontologist. Throughout the play, the younger and the gentler twin, Maine tried hard to convince his impulsive and cynical brother, New York, that crocodiles and human could co-exist peacefully, and stopped him from further sinking into a thirst for revenge and the thirst for blood, while at the same time, trying to suppress his own dark side. In an ironic twist of fate, however, it was Maine who, by saving the humans from a bear, exposed their existence. In the climax of the play, Maine, in an effort to prevent his brother to eat the humans, was killed by very people he tried to save. Lake Placid: A Play in 3 Acts is a powerful story about human-nature relationship, the human condition, the crocodile condition, and gender equality, a stage production filled with spectacular special effects and stunts created by the team that brought you the Broadway play “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark.” A must-see for people who like plays and/or crocodile stuff. Cast: (because the story is told from the crocodiles' point of view, the actors who played New York and Maine wear green costumes, face-paint, and crocodile head costume hats, while those who played the human characters wear papier-mâché masks of bloated faces and fat-suits, symbolizing their grotesque inner nature) New York Maine Mr. Bickerman Mrs. Bickerman Fish and Game officer victim Stone-faced Fish and Game officer The town sheriff The female paleontologist The crocodile enthusiast millionaire The bear The underwater bear Cow A Cow B David E. Kelley Quotes from the play: “Everyone is a comedian, sarcastic.” “But they killed our parents, rage.” “…deep inside, we’re all the same, optimistic.” “Do you hear that? That’s the sound of cow legs!” “I think you are a mental.” “Oh God. We forgot to pack feminine napkins.” “Alright, fuck wart! You piece of shits!” “Legal pad”

I wish Hollywood will make "monster wearing human suit with a zipper on the back" a regular twist trope. So the future generation, when they are watching movies, they will say: "I bet the twist is one of the characters is actually a monster wearing a human suit with a zipper on the back."

Of course! After hearing the song, I begin to wonder whether they should put a post-credit sequence. And if they do, should it goes like this: 1. Shark Saffron (kind of rhyme, maybe she should use this name from now on) eats both Thomas Jane and LL Cool J, puts her human suit back on, and then waits for the rescue team to arrive. or... 2. Just when Shark Saffron is about to eat Thomas Jane and LL Cool J, she is shot with a tranquilizer dart. An eye-patch wearing Samuel L Jackson enters the scene. Behind him, helicopters, paramedics, soldiers. LL Cool J: Franklin?! But the shark... Samuel L Jackson: I'm Russell's twin brother. He's good with numbers and ice, while I'm good with...other things. Thomas Jane: (looking at the unconscious Shark Saffron) What are you going do with her? Samuel L Jackson: Don't worry. We will put her to a better use. She is going to save more lives than as a cure for Alzheimer's disease. I swear, now whenever I think of post-credit sequence, the first person comes to mind is Samuel L Jackson

I'm kind of hoping there would have been another alternative ending, something goes like this: Saffron Burrows, Thomas Jane, LL Cool J, together three of them defeat the third shark (in this ending, Saffron Burrows survives.) Then just when everyone thinks the nightmare is over, Thomas Jane says: “Wait a minute…where’s the fourth shark? There were four sharks…I remember we got four sharks…where’s the fourth one?!” Then Saffron Burrows starts to unzip her wet-suit. This is when we find out the real reason why the zipper of her wet-suit is at the front instead of the back like everyone else. Her entire body, like her wet-suit, falls into two halves right in front of our eye, revealing a giant shark. The zipper is not for her wet-suit, but her human suit. The real Dr. Susan McAlester has already been killed sometimes before the movie begins. And the Saffron Burrows we see throughout the movie is actually a shark wearing a disguise. Fade to black. What a twist!

Throughout the movie, I kept thinking that it would be eventually revealed the whole "we-are-going-to-eat-you-all" was actually a ruse, and the sharks' real intention was to hack into the computer of the corporation Samuel L Jackson's working for, and stole all their money, or tapped into the underwater phone-line in order to clean out people's Swiss bank accounts.

And the movie Eliza wished someone would made, the movie about the relationship between a woman and the ghost of her new boyfriend's late wife -- I found one that has kind of a similar plot; it's called Over Her Dead Body, released in 2008, starring Eva Longoria and Paul Rudd. It's about a ghost woman who, after killed in an accident, tried to interfere with the relationship between her boyfriend and a psychic. It received negative reviews. A better movie with a similar plot, mentioned by someone on Soundcloud, would be Blithe Spirit, made by David Lean in 1945.

Omission: 1. Katie only got to see a photo of the dead wife at the end, and the children barely remembered what their mother looked like, which quite possibly means Alex hid away all of Jo's photos. Why?! He kept all the letters. It's obvious he didn't want their children to forget about their mother, and that he wanted her to still have a place in their lives. Plus it's not like he's so tormented by the loss of his wife that a mere look of her face would tear him into pieces. Neither was he actively trying to move on. 2. For a woman who got spooked by anything, Katie seemed to be quite trusting to this strange woman with really odd behaviours. Generally, people would think this woman was hiding something. A traumatized, scared woman on the run, having suffering domestic abuse who got spooked by everything would most likely be thinking that this woman could be dangerous, a psycho like her husband, or at least suspicious of her. Katie didn't do any of that! Observation: Alex was a good-looking man, so after his wife died, there were bound to be some women in the town who came chasing after him, wanted to date him or enter the bone-zone with him. Therefore is it possible that the ghost of the wife scared off any woman who came near her husband until Katie came to town? Like if a woman flirted with Alex, she would then be woken up later in night, with a maggots-covered Jo right in front of her face, screaming: "Stay away from my husband, you bitch! You're not the right woman for him! You are not 'her'! He will never go canoeing with you! "

Another vote for Aziz Ansari and David Cross Patton Oswalt...this time for a movie he does not think highly of Bill Hader (partly because of his impressions, but mainly because he's a cinephile) Kristen Wigg Amy Poehler (Paul's a part of The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, and quite a few past guests are also members, so it seems kind of weird to not having her on the show) Jason Sudeikis Taran Killam Fred Armisen (Okay, I don't live in the US, so my knowledge of the US comedians is fairly limited and mainly comes from SNL) Joe Lo Truglio Martin Starr (love him in NTSF:SD:SUV::; heard him in the Indoor Kid and think he’s going to make a great guest) Karen Gillan (same reason as above...and because I miss Selfie)

4 words -- crotch protecting bear trap

Well, she did a little bit of thieving -- she went from the living room of the bad guy's mansion to what I presumed to be the lobby...without being detected!

This movie turned me from a fan of John Woo to a hater of John Woo. HDTGM must do this movie! It's a primary example of Hollywood kitsch, stupidity, and hubris (maybe I use the last word in the wrong way). If Jason won't do Face/ Off, perhaps we could do this, as a compromise, between Jason and the people who wanted another Cage-mania.

Cocaine, cocaine, cocaine. And maybe Reagan

Peter Travers of the Rolling Stone wrote quite a funny review of the movie, which, though in prose, is basically a list of reasons why he hated this film so much. I restructured the review in the form of a list; these are all direct quotes. It might as well be called “10 reasons why I hate Safe Haven”: 1. I hate the way Hollywood insults audiences by deciding a film version of a Nicholas Sparks bestseller is what audiences need for Valentine's week.2. I hate the way Sparks-inspired films have gotten exponentially worse since 2004's The Notebook. 3. I hate that Lasse Hallstrom, the indisputable talent behind My Life As a Dog, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, and The Cider House Rules, got suckered into directing this swill.4. I hate how nothing about Safe Haven makes sense. I mean, you have to hate this story: Katie has fled Boston by bus, with a psycho cop and a first-degree murder rap nipping at her heels. And yet Hough, an inexhaustibly perky actress, manages to keep smiling. Worse than that, Katie hides out in an impossibly picturesque fishing village in North Carolina, where she right away meets Alex, a widower with two kids and a gym-toned body no one else in town possesses. As time wears on and on, I keep ignoring Katie's fate and wondering where she and Alex go to get their highlights. 5. I hate the intolerably cutsey dialogue that draws this Ken and Barbie together. 6. I hate the blandness of Hough and Duhamel as actors. 7. I hate how Hallstrom arranges them like he's shooting a spread for smallo-town Vogue.8. I hate, to the point of despising, the friendship Katie develops with Jo, a neighbor no one else in town seems to mention. 9. I hate the Sixth Sense vibe that attempts to energize a film that died soon after the opening credits. 10. I hate Safe Haven. It's a terrible thing to do to your Valentine.

I think I know what happened to the world outside San Angeles. Remember the laser rifle in the museum? Now the world of 1996 was already in chaos with just normal guns and bullets, with contemporary weapon technology, imagine what that world would have become if people were running around with super high tech laser guns. There would have being more than just a burning Hollywood sign or a city on fire. There was no earthquake. What actually happened was World War III, or a something similar. And the world outside San Angeles was basically a post-apocalyptic wasteland, ravaged by a war that took place many years ago. Think about it: Denis Leary’s people actually had no need to hole up underneath the city. If they were so unhappy in San Angeles, all they have to do was to move to another state and they could have all the junk food they could eat. Or at least established a base somewhere outside San Angeles to build up an army of some sort that would one day take back the city. Even if the "Great Earthquake" was a national-scale disaster that ravaged the United States to the extent that the rest of the America was inhabitable, they could still move to another country and live the life Leary kept ranting about. It’s not like there was no beef in Britain or Canada. If they could make burgers in the sewers with rat meat, they could make burgers anywhere. But they didn’t do any of that. Why? Because there was nothing outside San Angeles – no Texas, no New York, no Canada, no Mexico, no Europe, no Asia, no Africa. It’s just a massive wasteland outside the city. All the other states and countries were wiped out by laser guns and other similarly high-tech weapons. This was why Cocteau’s government forbade any kind of violence, or any body contact. Because they wanted to eliminate any possibility of getting another world war. No body contact, no conflict. No conflict, no WW4. And they also suppressed anything pertaining to violence, in fear of inciting violent behaviours or thoughts. That include music, books, and of course the history of the last great war, which was all about war, destruction, and how to create war and destruction. Hence the “Great Earthquake.” Why the weapon exhibition in the museum then? A reminder, a warning to those who survived the previous great war. As well as tools to educate the younger generation about the evil of weapons and any form of conflict. So Cocteau was in fact a radical with good intention. He wanted to maintain peace. At any price. Because he wanted to preserve what left of mankind. Unfortunately he went too far. And John Spartan would eventually bring about WW4 and the extinction of humanity, thus truly becoming the “Demolition Man.”

While re-visiting the movie through podcast, a horrible…scenario/ scene popped into my head: Years later after the movie, little Junior is now in school. One day, the teacher is doing a sex education class, teaching the kids the process of childbirth. After she finished, she asked if anyone got any question. Seeing both of her parents are brilliant scientists, it comes as no surprise that little Junior is an inquisitive child, always hunger for knowledge, always wanting to know more. She puts her hand up and asked: “What happens when a man gives birth?” The entire class goes silent. “Excuse me?” the teacher replied, kind of stunned. “I want to know how a man gives birth to a baby.” “But honey…a man can’t give birth to a baby. It’s…impossible…his body simply can’t do it.” “But my dad said I came from his belly and he carried for 9 months!” “But…honey, how did you…come out? From his…butt?” Everyone in the class bursts into laughter and chants: “Junior comes out from the butt! Junior comes from the butt!” From now onwards, Junior is nicknamed “Butt Girl,” and “Butt Junior.” People giggle whenever they heard someone says to Junior “But Junior…” And the little girl’s school life is forever ruined…

By the way, speaking of choosing the wrong test subjects, why did the protagonist scientists test a drug that reduces miscarriage on a male monkey in the first place? Where did they get this idea they need to test a drug for women on a male animal? Why would they even think of doing this? Why did they even bother? It was never intended to be use on men in the first place. Were they high while doing making tests and drugs? Yeah, that must be it: two scientists making fertility drug while on crack cocaine. They could have Emma Thompson be, instead of a fellow scientist, a woman who really wanted a baby and ended up becoming a half-willing volunteer for the drug testing. But the movie would not be as funny; it would just be a movie with logical plot. Interesting facts: In the movie, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character was called Alex Hesse. And the recipient of the Nobel Prize in Literature for 1946 was also called Hesse -- the German writer Hermann Hesse. Now, one of Hermann Hesse’s is called Gertrude, and he was struggling with it during the writing process. Writer’s block – I don’t know, I found this in Wikipedia. Later he described his difficulty in completing the novel, the whole problematic writing process, as, get this, “a miscarriage.” Also, one of Hermann Hesse’s most novels is Steppenwolf. And a Steppenwolf, or the Steppenwolf (again, only got from Wikipedia) was someone with two natures (or believed himself to be so): one high, the spiritual nature of man, the other is low and animalistic. In Junior, Alex Hesse is also a man with two natures – one is the rational man of science, and the other the emotional pregnant woman. Coincidence? I think not. The guy who wrote the winning essay is right. Junior is truly a great movie. We are all just too stupid to understand it.