Entering the Bone Zone

She went from "afraid to trust a man" to "enveloping him with her thighs on a post first date kiss" after one canoe date. Clearly I am taking my dates to do the wrong water sports. By the climax of the film, RaGeCoP looked like Tom Hanks at the end of Philadelphia if he had just finished running a marathon. Everyone else looked like it was 68 degrees outside the entire time. Even Duhamel, who spent his summer in NC wearing long sleeve Henleys every day.

Duhamel comes over and says something like, "I wasn't sure about the yellow, but it works." The yellow was the part he was unsure of. Not the fact that she is painting the rotted floor of an abandoned shack in the Carolina woods.

I am hoping Ike Barinholz is back for this episode, because our leads have all the chemistry of a hub cap and a turkey sub. "Anytime you can match up the most vanilla pretty boy in Hollywood - no, I said I want LESS charisma than Van Der Beek, goddamnit!! - with someone who gives televised dance lessons for a living, you absolutely have to do it." -Every film producer ever

Sure, but if you cut it down to 1:20, you'd lose: 1) all those sweet, sweet comedy scenes, like ... like ... 2) the scene where abusive RAGECOP pours over security footage from the bus station 3) the other scene where abusive RAGECOP pours over security footage from the bus station 4) the other scene where abusive RAGECOP pours over security footage from the bus station, then bullies the other cop (his partner?) about it 5) the other scene where abusive RAGECOP pours over security footage from the bus station, then drives down to ask the clerk how many stops between Boston and Atlanta (here's a hint: a lot!) 6) the scene where RAGECOP belligerently questions his own neighbor - who he doesn't know - by showing pictures of his wife, AKA the woman who lives across the street 7) the other scene where RAGECOP belligerently questions his own neighbor - who he doesn't know - by showing pictures of his wife, AKA the woman who lives across the street 8) the scene where RAGECOP breaks into the neighbor's house - while she is home - to listen to her answering machine (we all have those in the 2010s) and magically match up the message with the caller ID in about .0003 seconds If anything this movie should have run longer. I myself could have done with more back and forth on the wisdom of painting the floor (the fuck?) of a dilapidated-but-oh-so-available rustic cottage in the woods.

I went to a wedding in Bald Head Island, NC and after we did one of the movie tours they offer in Wilmington. They sort of fancy themselves "Hollywood East." Always a babe fest. And they got a pool table, too!

Don't forget the part just before his wife corrals him for nap time where dude asks DRUNKRAGECOP if he wants to take some cherries home with him. Was that like an Alzheimer's nod or something? I was baffled for a good three minutes by the old husband suddenly getting a line in the movie. Maybe his agent demanded it?

Also, omish alert: where was the remix theme song this week???

Cameron, reading your synthesis both elates and saddens me. I think I was getting some of this through sheer osmosis - hence why I kind of liked the movie after watching it, and still do. But it also saddens me because I realize now that without the mountains of cocaine and LSD that were surely consumed during the writing of this script, a more coherent and thus awesome movie might have emerged. Then again, if it was too coherent, it might not be as good, if that makes sense. To paraphrase Gelman's hilarious take, "it's like we're ALL God and God is all of US, man!"

They cannot commit suicide because they are reborn back into the Vortex at the same age as when they die. Connery kills Zardoz five minutes into the movie, but we see Zardoz again towards the end when some of the reveals start flying so he can helpfully lay out his exact plan with nonsense exposition. You know, like in all well crafted movies. I am still not clear on how Connery's infiltration into the Vortex allows them actual death, but that is the crux of the central narrative. This fact causes Zardoz to lure Connery to "Wizard, Oz" which emboldens Connery to infiltrate the floating head via the kitty litter dump which then throws upheaval into the Immortal community which then [puts bullet in head]. /jokerecycling

The more I think about it, the more I think the gang should have done a full 60 minute pod on the boner lecture scene. They live in a rustic paradise (ish) without regard for hunger, aging, crime, poverty and with full access to all the knowledge in human history. How do they spend their Saturday afternoon? Boner lecture.

Fucking tour de force post, crumbcake. Doesn't Arthur/Zardoz posit that a Brutal had to infiltrate the oasis in order to give the immortals the gift of sweet, sweet death? What is the purpose of a crystal weapon of this nature in a society where no one can die?

Did I pass out at the part where they explained how exactly they achieved immortality, or in this case, the ability to live about 300 years? I remember there was some exposition about how the Renegades were the scientists who created the Vortex and the ruling class was evidently their offspring or some other such bullshit, but by then I think the hard lemmies I was quaffing had really kicked in so who the fuck knows.

Fully agree. Was their only complaint boredom? I was unsure if this was supposed to be a critique of humanity for its attempts to create a perfect society, or a critique of the idea of heaven, or a philosophical treatise on the notion that perfection does not exist without imperfection, or [fires bullet into brain]...

Did anybody else notice in one of the scenes of the brutal goon squad riding horses on the beach and shooting the other outlanders in the face at point blank range, an outlander who is shot falls directly in front of a brutal on a horse and comes about a hair's breadth from having his skull smashed by the galloping horse? I cringed on my couch for the remainder of the scene, expecting the worst. Law suit!

It's like the "how many babies fit in a tire?" thing, the old joke...

I think I kind of liked it. Does this make me deranged? Felt like a film with thoughts on a lot of big ideas (relgion, mortality, sex, violence, equality, humanity) that drowned in its own what-the-fuck-ery.

Da post of da year, mon!

Is it funny? I have never listened to this podcast, so I have no frame of reference. I am also still reeling from paying $3.99 to watch Tango and Cash, so paying for a podcast just feels dirty.

Did anyone else think it was weird that in the scene where we first meet Gabe Cash, man of the people, he steals a piece of pizza from another officer in the precinct who is carrying an open pizza box above his head like a fucking house elf at Hogwarts? Why was the dude walking around like that?

Excellent research, Mr. Lafarge.

You nailed it. Tango and Cash are so blase about (1) being sentenced to minimum security and ending up in maximum security, (2) the raging inferno when they arrive at the state pen, (3) being attacked 200 on 2 in a stadium style prison boiler room, complete with torture rack, pools of water, and live high tension power lines cut open for some sort of fucked up electrocution torture scenario. They just quip their way through these insane circumstances to the point that as an audience member I felt no stakes whatsoever. They aren't concerned, so why should I be?

I was flummoxed by this as well. Not only did she not leave town, she clearly had shifts still scheduled at the Cleopatra Club. The writers were so worried about convincing us that Sly and Teri were bone zoning that they forgot to... well, fuck these writers.

Wondering if I missed something... How did ALL OF THE COPS know to track Cash to the not-strip-club? After their "harrowing" prison break, Tango tells Cash something to the effect of "if the shit gets sticky, head to the Cleopatra Club and ask for Catherine," implying that this is a safe house of sorts to lie low and meet up. Not two minutes after his arrival, Cash looks over his shoulder and half the LAPD is fanning out in this nightclub, as if they knew his next move after breaking out would be to head straight there. Did I miss a plot point or is the LAPD just that damn good, even without their top two detectives?

Full disclosure: I laughed aloud - while watching the movie alone - when Sly first arrives in his prison cell and opens the paper to the stock page. "Can you believe this, sugar is up!" I wanted Kroll so badly to riff on that notion. Something about the runner of Sly playing the market just made me laugh every time.

Not quite an omission: "The Equine Hour" with Bond and Zorin is discussed at length, but no specific mention of what has to be the only steeplechase action sequence in cinema history? I literally cannot think of a less interesting/lower stakes chase scene in any crappy action movie I have ever seen. Oh, to be a fly on the wall when the studio execs were reading and subsequently greenlighting this part of the script!