MelissaBecker

Hmm. Seems that watersports were a real running theme in the Fred Savage filmography. Maybe I need to re-watch Flight of the Navigator.

I believe the Fred Savage piss drinking was in Little Monsters, the film where a monster from under the bed comes and puts piss in the apple juice. Then he kidnaps Boy Meets World and both Savage brothers have to escape from a cheap knock off of Where The Wild Things Are to return home before daybreak. Spoiler Alert: they use the magic of time zones to get around the daybreak problem and call their family from across the damn country to come pick them up. The final line of the movie (in response to his father asking him why the fuck he is in California) is "It's a long story." Which is one of the hallmarks of a shitty movie, when your "joke" line involves saying that it is a long story. But maybe this movie has piss drinking too and I just don't remember it.

I watched this movie all the time on Showtime in the late 90s because I was a horny teenager and Sherilyn Fenn is gorgeous. But it is terrible and probably responsible for any weird sex issues I have. (Well, partly responsible. Pretty sure seeing Labyrinth as children screwed up my whole generation). But the thing is that while it is BAD (Bill Paxon plays the bad boy biker...yes...I know!) it is also really interesting. The type of movie that David Lynch or Cronenberg would hit out of the park. The Basinger lawsuit is interesting since ultimately she actually won the case on appeal since the trial court did not give proper jury instructions. I could explain the case if anyone actually cares but it gets into corporate law and trial court procedure. Basically, the trial court asked "did Kim Basinger and/or the corporation that represents her breach the contract". The jury said yes but because we can't tell if they meant to say it was Kim, OR her company, OR both that the trial needed to happen again to find out which party was at fault. From as far as I can tell they never retried the case so Basinger didn't need to pay that huge judgement, but she did have a crap ton of lawyers fees from appealing the case. This is why there probably isn't a HDTGM for lawsuits. They sound like they'd be interesting (Oh, famous Hollywood star and a weird soft core porn movie) but in the end it is all about duel entity theories of business law.

They have the contract scene in the movie! Oh, I need to see this thing. For those who haven't read the book (lucky) they actually print the entire sex contract. There's like 6 pages of contract in the book. It is terrible.

The existence of 50 Shades of Grey recently reminded me that this movie existed. Guys, this needs to be on the show. I haven't seen it in at least a decade but I have so much of it seared into my memory. The most weird part is when we see how Dana Delany first gets into BDSM in a flashback where she is seduced and spanked by her professor: Hector Elizondo. The police thing wasn't in the original book, and makes no sense. It literally feels like two people each holding different scripts ran into each other the pages got mixed up and they just decided to go with it.

This movie is weirdly boner-centric. If all men lost the ability to get a boner it wouldn't mean that sex would no longer exist. Lesbians don't have boners and they seem to be doing okay. I mean, I know that faulting Zardoz for an obsession with heteronormativity is missing the much bigger flaws with the film (lack of plot, magic marker beards, costume design, clear hatred of women). I guess I'm just saying that the remake should have more lesbians. Maybe just all lesbians.

Return to Zardoz.

I have the most boring job in the world. It mostly involves sitting in meetings on the off chance that something interesting happens and then telling someone else about it. For this reason I often amuse myself by playing little games. Recently, I have started playing one involving the films of HDTGM. The goal is to create the longest string of HDTGM movies connected by actor/actress/director. For example: All About Steve starred Thomas Hayden Church who was in Spiderman 3 which featured Bruce Campbell who was also in Congo. Thus far my longest is 19. Wondered if anyone else wanted to try to play along and find a longer string. Speed 2 - Sandra Bullock - All About Steve - Katy Mixon - Drive Angry - Nick Cage - Season of the Witch - Ron Pearlman - In The Name of the King - Leelee Sobieski - 88 Minutes - Neal McDonough - I Know Who Killed Me - Lindsay Lohan - Liz and Dick - Theresa Russell - Spiderman 3 - Bruce Campbell - Congo - Delroy Lindo - The Devil's Advocate - Charlize Theron - Reindeer Games - Ben Affleck - Daredevil - Jennifer Garner - The Odd Life of Timothy Green - James Rebhorn - The Adventures of Pluto Nash - Luis Guzman - Old Dogs - John Travolta - Staying Alive - Sylvester Stallone - Rhinestone - Dolly Parton - Joyful Noise

We can only assume this movie had mentally destroyed our hosts. Jason is probably running around in his red leather diaper talking about the penis being evil. June and Paul are dead skeletons in a cave.

So, what HDTGM movie do we think involved the MOST drugs in its creation and production? I think that it has to be between Zardoz and Xanadu, although if we are including steroids as a drug then Over the Top has an edge.

Tom Petty was the best part of this movie. I would pay to see a spin-off movie that is just how Tom Petty (who plays himself) ends up ruling this town. This also probably has the worst climatic fight scene ever. Middle-aged guys wrestling in slow motion. Terrible. This was the movie that caused me to institute the "No Kevin Costner" rule. This was the final Costner movie that I've seen in theaters, although I do continue to watch them at home, mostly out of masochistic impulses. Looking over Costner's IMDB page there is a lot of terrible stuff here. Rumor Has It is of note because it is so bad it makes you retroactively hate The Graduate for inspiring it.

I don't quite get the movie either. Probably too sober or old. Just as a movie they told the story in the least interesting way possible. Why have so much involving the Eternals who are the least interesting part of the film. Oh, we can live forever and it is so boring. How does penis work? How is baby formed? Let us look at your memories which are somehow in third person perspective. Don't act up or we'll jazz hand you into oldness. Not to mention that there are so many different races of people and tasks that it felt like I was learning a new tabletop game. The Eternals are controlled by the Tabernacle which uses the zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Although a Zardoz d20 game could be fun. "Well, you fumbled your rape roll so you throw her aside because she isn't into it."

I have finished Zardoz. I just find it a slog. Yes, plenty of weird stuff (jazz hand aging, that ENDING, mud wrestling soft core porn) but it just wasn't fun. The first time I finished watching The Room I immediately watched it again because I could not believe what I saw. I NEVER want to watch this again.

I started watching this movie. WTF. The first image is a disembodied head bouncing around like some type of screensaver while telling me that I will be watching his story which is set in the future and didn't happen yet. Also, he apparently fell asleep right before this scene because someone drew on his face in magic market.

I really liked it also. I had put off seeing it in theaters because I thought it was going to be a romantic comedy but it is much more of a character study with romance on the back burner.

Well, I think that we've seen that June isn't necessarily attracted to the physicality (see Bad Ernest vs. John Travolta in Staying Alive). I'm similar. My High School celebrity crush was Peter Falk from Columbo (and this was in 1996). I thought that he was just so smart and was oozing sexuality in a way that I didn't get from Marky Mark or Aaron Carter or any other hearthrobs or that time. So, a nice butt doesn't really do anything for me. That being said there have been two times when I remember being attracted to a male body part in a movie. Ron Livingston's lower back when he's on the ground trying to get the letter from outside of the locked office in Office Space and Brad Pitt's Adonis Belt from Troy. But not butts. Never butts. That's just you and Tina Belcher.

It's funny how weird little things like a podcast or a tv show can be the thing that keeps you going another day. I also have depression and anxiety disorder and I've found that popping in my headphones and listening to the show when I'm having a bad day can be the thing that keeps me from having a panic attack or just give me a chance to get out of my head. My current job is fairly stressful and when things are reaching a boiling point I'll take ten minutes and walk around the building listening to No Holds Barred or 88 Minutes, and then things are okay. In college I actually remember not killing myself because The Phantom Menace trailer had just come out and I didn't want to miss that movie because it looked so good. Thank Goodness that I was in therapy and on medication by the time the movie came out, because that was very disappointing.

The saddest thing is that this is a remake of a really pretty good movie (OK, so it's amazingly campy but it features a couple that is a cop and a hooker. Also, Gene Hackman is a priest of some kind and yells about how God can't help anyone. It is the best kind of terrible movie.) Poseidon is just boring where the original is batshit crazy.

As a law school graduate, I can easily explain the "Self-Destruct Warning" in Jack Palance's lair: clearly he is trying to prevent any liability in a lawsuit by giving reasonable warning to those around that the building would explode. I'm not sure if 12 minutes would be enough warning (got the degree but never took the bar) but certainly it allows for some type of defense if there was a wrongful death or injury suit. It did remind me of the Mitchell and Webb Evil Genius sketch where his plans are hampered by health and safety regulations. I'm about 50/50 on the "watching the movie before the episode" thing. If it's something I own or can see easily I'll usually watch it, although I often get more from viewing after the episode when I can notice all the goofy stuff. I do wonder if whoever programs HBOGO is a HDTGM fan since at the moment it features 4 movies featured on the show (Catwoman, Deck the Halls, Stop or my Mom Will Shoot, Winter's Tale), as well as 3 movies movies mentioned on the show (Blended ,16 Blocks, and Ladyhawk) and many films which could be on the show (The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle, Chill Factor, Ed, Next of Kin, Die Another Day).

I suspect June's inability to remember the movies are, in part, because she is watching them with a mind for a performance. So she's noting things to talk about that will get laughs from the audience. Once the performance is done the memory is purged. It is sort of like when you study for a specific test and can't actually remember any of the content once the test is over. AKA: Why I literally can't remember any of the Clean Air Act even though I got an A in the class.

Could be a delay for a terrible New Years movie instead of Christmas? New Years Eve maybe. Also, Fred Claus is not nearly as good as the Mitchell and Webb sketch with the same premise where Santa's brother knocked up Mrs. Claus.

Yes. I was referencing Die Another Day in the comment as a movie that people were saying is worse but really is probably more of a product of it's time (as a Bond movie trying to be Bond in a post-Austin Powers world and badly trying to be both serious and goofy). Admittedly it wasn't clear in my comment.

I have started watching View to a Kill and can say it is def HDTGM worthy. Maybe more so than some of the other worse Bond movies because in those movies the flaws are sort of obvious. Bad casting, cash grab, trying too hard to keep the jokey Bond element in a post-Austin Powers world. But the things that are terrible in this movie are mindboggling. For example: weird opening song montage where Roger Moore shoots lasers at women with neon. So much neon. This opening is so 1980s and the 1980s was the worst. Also, Moore's stunt double is blonde, looks nothing like Moore so that scenes of the action look very fake. The green screen insert shot in the opening chase is like a record scratch. Oh, and whatever the fuck the butterfly show was supposed to be. What was that. What is happening. Yes, there are worse Bond movies that have no heart. This one is still trying and failing, thus the perfect one of the show.

1. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans (Nick Cage, Lizard Cam, Weird Happy Ending) 2. Phenomenon (John Travolta gets magical smart powers.) 3. The Island of Dr. Moreau (The crazy Brando version, natch) 4. The Jerry Springer Movie (Which features one of the best good performances in a bad movie I've ever seen.) 5. Babe 2: Pig in the City (This movie is motherfucking dark. I mean, it's fascinating but a real WTF after the feel good that is Babe)

Die Another Day is awful, but my favorite terrible bond movie is The World is Not Enough. Because there are so many almost good elements. Robert Carlyle is amazing and Renard is such an amazing character stuck in such a shitty movie. And then Denise Richards shows up and... like they saw her scenes. They filmed them. They edited them. They put them out to the world and at no point did anyone say "ugh, maybe we should recast because she is terrible." There's bad acting and then there is what Denise Richards is doing. It is Cindy Crawford in Fair Game levels. I remember liking Lost World, if only for the scene with the glass cracking which was really tense. Also, it's the first time I remember seeing Julianne Moore in a movie and fell in love. So pretty. Between her and Jeff Goldblum, it is possible my teenage hormones are remember the film as better than it was. In other HDTGM news, today I learned my father's College roommate directed Jingle All the Way and my Dad loaned him the money to move to Hollywood. So, basically, Jingle All The Way is my father's fault but I hope nobody travels to the past to kill him because then I wouldn't have been born.