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Van Damme, jheri curl, crossbow, new orleans

This was on Cinemax over the weekend and I watched it for the first time in almost 20 years. Good lord is this movie ridiculous.

Canadian Mountie Louis Burke (Jean-Claude Van Damme) is assigned to a bizarre case where prison inmates are being murdered. Sent to the jail to investigate while undercover as a prisoner, Burke is hot on the trail until one of his former busts, the Sandman (Patrick Kilpatrick), is transferred to the same prison. Trailer: This movie is available to stream on Netflix.

Jean-Claude Van Damme..... Denis Rodman..... Mickey Rourke......bring you the movie that combined tigers and babies before the hangover......DOUBLE TEAM! JCvD is a secret agent. Dennis Rodman is an eccentric, flamboyant international arms dealer. This movie is filled with ridiculous and hackneyed writing. JCvD must come out of retirement as a secret agent because his arch-nemesis, the man he thought was dead, Mickey Rouke, is ACTUALLY ALIVE. That never happens in action movies. JCvD and his team plan to assassinate Rourke after they learn he will be at a carnival. JCvD has him in his sights and is about to pull the trigger until he sees Rourke meeting his son and cant do it (dont worry, Rourke's son eventually gets shot). From his failure in this mission, JCvD is sent to a secret, guarded penal colony of "retired" secret agents. He must learn how to escape so he can kill Rourke and save his wife (who he doesn't know is PREGNANT, original stuff here). Along the way he must rely on Dennis Rodman (and eventually porn-addicted monks) in his travels all over Europe that eventually culminates in a showdown in a Roman, amphitheater. But not just any amphitheater, this one is rigged with explosives/land mines and has a loose tiger. But that doesnt stop Mickey Rourke from riding a dirtbike a round while carrying JCvD's baby. Yes, those events happen. I won't spoil the ending, but it involves explosions and blatant product placement. The film has ~10% on rotten tomatoes and had a $30 million dollar budget. Oh, and I don't think it needed to be stated but Dennis Rodman is constantly wearing women's clothing and changing his hair color throughout the movie.