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Just watched Poseidon, the Wolfgang Petersen Das Boot-like whimper. All the water without any of the tension. This was also his apparent career ender. So many seams and questions. 1. The opening CGI cinematic, which firmly plants us on a cartoon boat. 2. The CGI lobby, in which of our sense of scale is ruined. 3. Fergie, ala the Love Boat, ala Charo. 4. Kurt Russell's poker scene, where the betting scheme makes no sense AND his daughter ostensibly costs him over $50,000 - yet everyone is all smiles. 4. Kurt Russell's daughter's key trait is that she is in heat. 5. Maggie observing Dylan "clocking" Maggie's finger - twice. Stilted dialogue from here on out. 6. Fergie - again. Plasticine under hot lights. 7. Richard Dreyfuss' seasonal affective disorder (RiDSAD). 8. The bridge has rolling chairs. 9. The only places that flood involve people whose life is worth little (eastern Europeans, poor people) and areas that don't matter. 10. We were shown deaths apace, but later we are supposed to care about some unlikeable individuals. 11. Child ACTING and exposition and exposition and exposition. 12. The ship's captain is primarily an exposition hostess who fulfills token casting requirements. When giving orders he is either ignored or assists guests to their deaths. 13. Fire, electricity, explosions, and water are all anthropomorphilized. They roar, talk, sing, and craft every route and timing for our heroes. 14. Casual smoke inhalation is not nearly the problem we were told about in elementary school. 15. Johnny Drama has no arc and is a hornball drunk even in times of peril. 16. 9 Minutes of closing credits - movie runtime is about 89 minutes. And so much more!