Episode 282 — The N-word During Sex

[JulyDiaz 2797]

Andrew and Naomi Ekperigin tackle a crazy sex question regarding a request that could possibly be more than racist. Don’t forget to keep leaving us messages by calling (323) 389-RACE.

[Joshie 125]

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[wakefresh 689]

That guy has definite issues -- self-loathing, intimacy issues, self-esteem issues. The list is exhaustive. What I'm more interested in is whether or not the girl followed through the request. I'm guessing that she did because like attracts like, so she probably has just as many or more issues than the guy.

[wo 265]

That guy has definite issues -- self-loathing, intimacy issues, self-esteem issues. The list is exhaustive. What I'm more interested in is whether or not the girl followed through the request. I'm guessing that she did because like attracts like, so she probably has just as many or more issues than the guy.

 

This is one where I wish we had follow-up.

 

This woman tells her friend (the caller) what her boyfriend wants during sex. Either ( a ) she's so uncomfortable with it that she's asking for advice from a friend, in which case hopefully she can either get to a better place with this guy or move on, ( b ) she's into telling her friends about the weird shit her boyfriend likes, in which case her friend (the caller) probably should just stop being her friend.

[wakefresh 689]

 

This is one where I wish we had follow-up.

 

This woman tells her friend (the caller) what her boyfriend wants during sex. Either ( a ) she's so uncomfortable with it that she's asking for advice from a friend, in which case hopefully she can either get to a better place with this guy or move on, ( b ) she's into telling her friends about the weird shit her boyfriend likes, in which case her friend (the caller) probably should just stop being her friend.

 

My gut leans toward option B. I feel like if it was something strictly against her values, she would have told her friend after dumping the guy.

[hugLife 492]

I'm guessing that she did because like attracts like, so she probably has just as many or more issues than the guy.

 

Why are you imposing a personality on this girl for no reason? I could see if she is the one who requested to call her boyfriend that, but you don't know anything about this girl other than her having a guy asking her to say that. Your theory of like attracting like makes no sense in this example.

[HaroldMcEquus 1]

I just started listening to this podcast, and I dig it, but I kind of take issue with this episode. Not because of the take on racial issues, but because of the take on kink, which seemed pretty resoundingly negative.

 

Lots of people are into all sorts of kinky crap: calling each other names, spanking, being tied up, dressing up in costumes, etc... and that's just the relatively tame stuff. There's an increasing body of evidence that being into kink isn't inherently unhealthy, and may even correspond to better mental health.

 

So, I don't think you can just casually assume that someone is unhealthy, or even being unreasonable, for asking their partner to humiliate them. There may still be questions about whether using racist language is healthy as a form of humiliation, but I think folks are painting with too broad a brush.

[action52 554]

It's not necessarily humiliation though. Like, it could be that he's into feeling sexually poweful and ultra-masculine, the way black men are fetishized and sexualized in porn. You want to talk about humiliation, it's white males who get off on humiliation that fuels the porn feeding into those stereotypes.

 

So it might be that he's into being empowered in that way. Of course it's ultimately negative because those "positive" stereotypes are connected to the ones that say black men are aggressive, prone to violence and crime, and less "civilized" than whites. I think it's fucked up for sure no matter what the reasons he's doing it.