Black Belt Jones (1974)

[Funkapus 0]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEVVd4aNyMM

Black Belt Jones is so bad it is good. There are lots of blaxploitation movies that are terrible, what makes this one different is that the production became self aware of its awfulness and changed direction turning the whole thing into a farce.

 

How did this get made? Well it was a vehicle for the director of Enter the Dragon to put Jim Kelly (the black guy in multiple Bruce Lee movies) center stage. A badasss intro with great music by Detroit guitarist Dennis Coffey sets a kickass tone with a touch of humor , but 10 to 20 minutes later they give up trying to make it an action movie first and a comedy second.

 

This was in part because the whole premise of the movie is ridiculous: the mob and a jive talking pimp want to acquire a karate studio sitting on primo real estate… located on Crenshaw in South Central LA?!?

 

A few of the terrible things you will love about this movie:

Scatman Carruthers owns the karate dojo, and is seen briefly teaching karate. The terrible acting in his death scene is wonderful. Don’t blink, it’s quick.

 

The jive talikng pimp is named Pinky and you will find yourself quoting his ridiculous self aggrandizing monologues.

 

Pinky threatens Isaac from the love boat (uncredited) with losing his teeth to a billiard ball.

 

There is a midnight fight at the dojo where “Belt” fights the thugs by turning the lights on and off. After the fight Belt rewards the kids from the dojo with “Let’s got to McDonalds!”

 

Belt falls for Scatman’s daughter Sydney who woos him in a bizarre extended montage where she repeatedly insults his manhood while they beat the crap out of each other… and break a hippies guitar for no reason? They ultimately make love in what appears to be one of those giant parachutes kids in the 70s and 80s would run under in gym class.

 

The drop kick that sends a thug flying backwards 30 feet in the train yard.

 

Belt conveniently has busty women that just bounce on a trampoline at his pad. He uses them to infiltrate the mob’s vineyard by bouncing on mini trampolines and sticking polaroids in front of the security cameras.

 

The movie culminates with a long fight that takes place in a car wash. The editing is so bad it is funny. They couldn’t give a crap at this point. Belt’s fight is rapidly edited showing him magically alternate between being covered in soap suds, then no suds , a little suds, moderate amount of suds, and tons of suds. It is triumphantly bad: absolutely no attempt at continuity.

 

I love getting drunk with friends and watching this movie, By the end of the movie we are calling out “Suds!” “No Suds!” every time. So many wtf moments: it's like the Crank High Voltage of the seventies.

[xantis 0]

Such a classic! I haven't watched this in ages.

 

That theme song brings back memories!