The "What if all Nick Cage's one-liners cited an Elton John song?" game

[Skeevins 322]

As most film enthusiasts are aware, cinematic perfection was officially achieved the moment Nicholas Cage shot a missile into another human being at the end of The Rock and delivered the most meandering one liner ever.

 

At the risk of tainting the text with a cursory paraphrase:

 

"You know that Elton John Song Rocket Man? Well you're him. You're the Rocket Man!"

 

*KABOOM!*

 

That gets me to thinking...wouldn't it be great if Nicholas Cage ended all of his films by quoting Elton John right before murdering someone? It could be the signature that ends all his movies with a flourish.

 

How many Cage movies can we apply this formula to?

 

I'll start.

 

Con Air:

 

Nicholas Cage to John Malkovich, before tying him to a firetruck ladder and lifting him into the path of an airplane:

 

"You know that Elton John song, Benny and the Jets? Well you're him. You're Benny and the jets!"

 

*SPLAT!!*

 

Adaptation:

 

(As LaRoche is about to be eaten by an alligator)

 

Cage: "Hey LaRoche, you know that Elton John song Crocodile Rock? Well you're him. You're the Crocodile rock!"

LaRoche: "It's an alligator! You can tell by the rounded snout!"

Cage: "FUCK YOU!"

 

*CHOMP*!!!

 

Leaving Las Vegas:

 

Cage to himself: "Hey, I know that Elton John song I Think I'm Going to Kill Myself. Well I'm him. I'm I Think I'm Going to Kill Myself."

 

*DRINK!!*

[Skeevins 322]

In Honor of Trespass:

 

"Do you know that Elton John song 'Have Mercy on the Criminal?' Well that's not me. I have no mercy on the criminal."

 

*SHOOTS BAD GUY WITH NAILS!!!*