First of all, this whole movie is a gigantic 'What the fuck'!
Are we to believe that this dog is a cop? Like not a police dog but an actual police officer. He seems to not be trained in anyway whatsoever. Its not like Chucks character - And by the way I have no idea what his characters name was. Prdobably something stupid like 'Top'. Oh my god imagine his name was 'Top' and the fucking movie was called 'Top/Dog'. That would be even stupider then this movie actually is. But its not like Chucks character, Top, was trained and took classes in how to handle a police dog. When he went to that one call and had to get the dog to find whatever the fuck he was looking for he didnt even know what to do. The other cops were laughing at him. But thats because this dog isnt a police dog its a police officer. But i guess i have no point. Except this movie is fucking dumb. I admit when i was a kid i liked some stupid shit. I saw the movie 'Sidekicks' and it was the greatest day of my life. There was even a time when I was super into hulk hogan. Looking back - what the fuck is there to like. He was just like a stupid fucking middle aged man who hid his baldness and ripped his shirt off. And his fucking shirt was pre cut any ways - who the fuck couldnt do that. But here i was a prepubescent kid - who couldnt get enough of hulk hogan for some reason. Saw all that shit. Suburban Commando was my Citizen Cane. Hulk Hogan squeezing a fruit so hard that it exploded on some old lady was my 'Rose Bud'. But even though I liked the dumbest of the dumb I had never seen this movie 'Top Dog'. After twenty minutes of watching i was ready to call it off and just scan through it but when i skipped to the end and saw there was a plan to assasinate church officials i went back and started at the bieginning. And boy am I glad i did. This movie has everything i love: Messy heroes, boys on bikes, clowns and white supremely!
Lets tackle the messy thing first. So the movie is about this cop who I can only presume is named Top. And he is so fucking messy. His house is straight up gross. Like he doesnt even give a shit about nothing. Oh my god there is this one scene where the station is calling him on his phone and his apartment is so messy that you cant see where the phone is and he just grabs the cord and pulls it til he finds the phone. Classic Top. Also there is another scene where he feeds the dog some canned dog food and instead of just like scooping the food into the bowl like a reasonable person - get this - he holds the can at chest high and lets the food drop into the bowl splashing everywhere. What a hoot. I wish i could make messes like that. But mom would be son angry. Imagine if i fed Princess Leia like that. Mom would be spanking me. If the dog food splashed on her collection of David Caruso head shots my hide would be tanned something fierce. Imagine the look on her face though.
Next lets get to my next fave thing. Boys riding bicycles. Love that shit.
And then we have Clowns. I love killer clown stuff. Remember the scene where the clowns come? And they shoot up Tops house and that one clown does a flip and then starts shooting his machines gun? Thats was so fudging nuts. I remeber when i was a kid and everone would always be like 'dont go out at night or clowns will get you'. I remeber just always being afraid that a clown in a van would abduct me. I was even to scared to go to the bathroom at night. Sometimes i would have to pee so bad. But i would just hold it til mommy would come and wake me up. No clowns for me. I think I'll pass, thanks! Thats about when the blood starting showing up in all my body licks. Thats short for body liquids - or that what my uncle calls it!
Also - I love the white supremecy shit. i'M ALL OVER THAT!