Razor Boy

All due respect to Ms. Feimster.

Fortune favors the bold. I'm more of a strikethrough italics man.

Trust me, I understand the impulse, but people are getting tired of you shitting on Pope Pius XII all the time.

Flattery, my dear boy, will get you everywhere, my dear boy. Wait, I fucked that up.

If it ain't anatomically correct, it ain't Christmas.

Charisma and quick thinking will work in place of giant, inflatable werewolves at least half the time.

With the exception of lots and lots of weed, I'm not really that big of a drug guy. That being said, I'm going to screenshot the time on my phone the next time I take some see-the-devil drugs. Thanks, Brooks Wheelan's impression of Howard!

I'm a goddamn shark.

Please Mr. Rabbit, don't eat my books. I'm trying not to cry and you're making it hard.

Erstwhile, Erlich Erlenmeyer plays an early draft of The Erlking. Hear it here on Earwolf!

#direstraits

Knick Knack, Tabasco! Give Hervez Villechaize a bone.

Taco sauce and cotton socks, that's what makes the world go 'round.

Gooseflesh! Pure gooseflesh, I tell you. Gooseflesh.

Never trust an Ian. No matter who he is, Ian's got something to hide.

Keep walkin, Trebek.

You can't polish a turd, but googly eyes might help.

From catch phrase to plugs / It's high-quality content / That's a good haiku

Don't go to the zoo with Know-it-all Schwarzenegger. He'll be the first to tell you, "It's not a puma!"

Prepare thyselves for the sagey musk of Aromatron: The Aromatic Automaton. Wherever fine goods are sold.

Sit and spin or stand and deliver, it's a free country.

Taint Misbehavin'? Gold Bond.

Natalie Portmanteau got a little hangry on our staycation, so we got some cronuts.

Loose lips? Sinking ships? Sounds like my kinda party.

Musical guest: Benji Press and the Electric Pecs!