Ensendada Slim

our heroes are the true clowns now I guess and our politicians are also the clowns. Whose gonna keep our streets safe and run our daily affairs? Greggy?

Brett contains multitudes

when I was 9 I was diagnosed with brain don't work right and not looking so good

“The point is there ain't no point." -Cormac McCawthy, Crow Country for Old Men

This part of the podcast is actually on-point. Cosby was a reactionary "get a job, pull up your pants" type. He let white people see an imagine of a wealthy, middle class man who was saying the same classist garbage he was, and it was always that way. He also totally deserves every piece of bile thrown his way, who cares about his career or legacy. He's abusive garbage.

Anyone else detecting a weird tone with Cracked that we've Arrived at the Enlightened Age? A lot of their recent examples of "shocking" material are on-going issues that really haven't been resolved. Also felt that they totally missed the joke with Seinfeld's "Not that there's anything wrong with that--" the joke is deeper than they give it credit for. The saying becomes inane through repetition. I never felt the need to "like" Seinfeld's characters, and think the episode did a good job of nailing supposedly "open minded" cosmopolitan liberal types at the time who were actually pretty uncomfortable with even thinking about gay people. The issue was this was a real thing going on in society, a real phrase that got repeated.

You're in the crowzone baby. You're gonna die.

Well I'll be. If my ears ain't failin me, I reckon we just witnessed an ain't shit bish transformin to a hot main dish.

I'm putting a bag over this thread and taking it behind the barn

James Adomian, if you've waded through all this slander and your eyes aren't blurry with rage, please follow me on twitter dot com and keep these chucklefucks blocked

just got my test results back and they said I'm sex positive and so I felt this episode spoke to me in a lot of important ways

That title reminds me of a certain other movie that I HAVEN'T seen but HAVE heard about and DID get excited for and WILL defend in the court of law over copyright infringement if it has to come to that

in your face, Chanson

Brett seemed confused about the nature of reality, likely an effect from the time he read the book "The Truman Show"

Came by to say this entire show was funny, listened to it with my most fucked-up friend while we were fried off the cheeb

Off-topic, but can you even read this Amazon Review in a non Hollywood handbook style?

Being from the rubber city, I'm going to get a tattoo of a tire, but instead of Goodyear, it's going to say "that's wheely interesting"

Thanks, everything's coming up Millhouse

Stryker: The Game By Ensendada Slime, age 10 4th Grade Language Arts Billy Stryker was in the yard throwing his nerf football so fast that it whistled real loud. He was with his friend Clay, who was covering his ears and blowing on his hands because they were hot and they hurt from catching powerful throws. Clay even had to drop out at the end and catch his breath. “What’s the matter?” asked Billy, who was tapping his foot like Sonic the Hedgehog (but not Sonic 2 because I haven’t played it and which I hope I get for my birthday). Billy continued the catch game himself by bouncing the ball off the fence and never letting it hit the ground. “Stryker, time to come in it’s the lunch time” said his Mom, who knew Billy well enough that she didn’t need to use his first name. “Cool, moms, what’s the eats” said Billy “Yeah what’s the eats,” said Clay who was hurrying to catch up. “Your favorite Billy, crackers. Pizza too. Grilled cheeses three. It’s your birthday, ‘member? Made you your favorite” It was Billy Stryker’s birthday. There were a lot of kids in the house. “Surprise” they said. “Oh what’s this, presents?” said Clay. “For me?” “No it’s my birthday Clay not yours remember I got you the Teenage turtles Super Soaker that I wanted for me but mom said it was your birthday a few months ago,” said Stryker smartly. “You probably don’t remember with all the fun you’ve been having?” “Haha, Stryker, right as always” chuckled Clay, who was holding the gun I just told you about. It’s green. Like the turtles. (You can get me one too for my birthday if you want because they’ll match and Clay is my friend.) “Hand me the best one, moms” She did because it looked like a game cartridge. “You got me Sonic 2? Yay!” Stryker exclaimed. “Uh, not exactly” said her Mom with a grin and a wink. “Huh wha?” the kids said all together. Billy unwrapped the cartridge to reveal cool art with jet planes and giants and an explosion. In big block letters were the words STRYKER THE GAME. “Like me?” asked Billy, shocked. “A little bit,” said his mom with a wink and a grin this time. “But you’re Stryker the boy. This is Stryker the game. The people at the store said it’s VERY REALISTIC and EVEN BETTER THAN SONIC” (this is just a story, this isn’t a real game I still want Sonic for my real birthday and it is the best game) “I have to try this out now,” said Stryker who was staring at it and reading the instruction manual that was just a bunch of dumb warnings like DANGER: DO NOT PLAY, NOT FOR YOUNG KIDS, EVEN SMART ONES. “This is what I need to do now everyone go home Clay you can stay” Everyone went home and Clay stayed. They plugged the game into the Sega. Right away it was very awesome. Bright colors were all over the screen and the boys couldn’t believe the graphics. “That looks like a real person” sayeth Clay A huge cool Giant came toward the screen, arms out like he wanted to give hugs. “Come to a Land of Adventure, the Land of Fast Jets and Cool Giants, where you can become the Real Stryker and take out the evil Earwig Army. You can trust me” “Okay!” said the boys. They grabbed their controllers (which were cooler than the ones I actually have, they have that extra set of grey buttons at the top, something I also am looking for). “Ohh no, you won’t be needing those!” the Giant said with a wink and a grin. “Wha, wha?” said the boys looking at each other. The Giant put his hands on his hips and looked like Mr. Clean so he seemed alright. “Just come a little closer.” The boys did…then suddenly…all at once…as a surprise….they never saw it coming. They felt themselves being pulled into the game! They were getting real hugs from the giant, staring back out of the screen into Mom’s living room but it looked now like Mom’s living room was the game and this was the real life. “How could this be,” said Stryker who liked the hug but was a little scared. Clay was peeing himself and being ignored. “You should have read the manual a little more closely and maybe paid more attention in language arts which you got a C in even though it should have been a B,” said the sage Giant. “This is the most realistic game ever, we’re at war with the Earwigs. You must help us or I fear…” “What do you fear?” asked Stryker. “Waaaa!” cried Clay hahaha can’t handle it “I fear,” the Giant began. “That the Evil Earwigs will finally conquer the land of the Fast Jets and the Cool Giants. We will be conquered, and you? You’ll be stuck here forever” “Gulp” said Stryker. “Waaa!” Clay was frea*ing losing his cr*p hahaha For the next few years (which were only hours in the real world) Stryker and Clay gathered lots of laser pistols, laser rifles, photon cannons, light knives (like lightsabers but small so you can hide them on your person), and really focused on getting their hoverboard skills down. Every once and awhile, a huge Earwig would appear and creep around and they couldn’t talk but you could tell they meant business. The boys would hover around the creature. Clay would be the distraction, leading the earwig into the cool Giant’s cave by flying just ahead of them and leaving a trail of pee. Stryker would follow right behind with some kind of machine laser gun that didn’t run out of bullets. The Earwig, following Clay’s pee, would lodge itself in the cave because too big, and Stryker would open fire on its butt while the Giant’s pounded on its noggin. This was successful for years (once again, hours). That is, until they were looking up at the sky (the tv screen) and saw Stryker’s mom crying. “Where is my son” she sobbed. “I lost my son on his own birthday, I can’t believe I lost him after just getting him this cool game” (she doesn’t get that it’s related because she doesn’t know that much about games but she still smiles when I tell her about Sonic and I think she’s learning and might play with me sometime) It almost, ALMOST made Stryker cry, but he remembered his duty. “Hey,” said Clay, who was like on his fourth box of tissues. “Do you think we’ll ever get out of here? And isn’t that Lenora?” It was. It was the very same Lenora that Stryker liked to chase on the playground and act like a robber cuz he could be more around her and she had nice hair. One time she told Stryker he could run really fast and Stryker loved how right she was about that. “Oh no, Lenora trapped in this game too…what is this world come too. Oh no!” Stryker looked out on the horizon. The Final Brigade of the Evil Earwig Army was closing in. Lenora was brushing her pretty nice hair and didn’t see them coming. “We gotta go save her” “Not me,” said Clay. “I have to go back inside and rest and play your Gameboy without asking (this really happened, you S*CK Clay) “Guess I’m in this last one alone” said Stryker. “Not so fast, we’re here with you” said the Cool Giants. “So fast, we’re the jets!” said the jets as a joke (they really mean they’re there with Stryker too and usually don’t joke when it’s Life or Death). The Fast Jets formed a V-formation and whizzed over Lenora’s head. “Wow,” she said. The Cool Giants grabbed their clubs and Mr. Clean earings and charged. “Neato” she said as they stampeded past. Stryker was Fully Powered Up with chaos emeralds, an energy sword, power blasters, and ultra grenades. “Stryker is that you?” she said as he ran fast (even though he has a visor and power armor on, she knows him by how fast he runs and how it looks cool too like a dance) “No time, Lenora, this is no game. This is THE game. Stryker: The Game!” (***PLEASE STOP READING the next section must get PARENT PERMISSION a few people read this and got nightmares. I’m not kidding. You’ve been warned…just like Billy Stryker***) The Earwigs pulled apart a couple giants right at the beginning and intestine and blood flew everywhere, their heads rolled down hills and their loincloths fell off and their private parts were out but it didn’t stop the Earwigs, who tunneled in their ears and used their pincers on the brains in their decapitated heads. Jets dropped bombs, but the Earwigs just let them bounce off into the Giant giblets making it even more blood splatter, sick. The Jets let down winches and little men with laser cannons repelled down but were swiftly eaten. Stryker could tell they were trying because even in the gullet of the enemy they were firing and lighting up their faces but it wasn’t enough. Ever once and awhile a jet would fly too low and an Earwig would eat the jet. Until they were gone. Until they were all gone. Stryker stood as the last left. Behind him, the Cool Giant Cave, Clay, Lenora. Ahead of him, the full Final Brigade. “Gulp” he said. Just then, he looked up at the screen in the sky. His mom wiped a tear away. “I have a feeling though,” she said, choking back her tears. “That Stryker just might be planning his own surprise. That he has something up his sleeve.” She smiled and winked. “She’s right,” said Stryker, saluting his mom. Just then, he flip*ing unloaded on Earwigs, using all his items, making the sick fr*aks scatter. It wasn’t enough. They were closing in, hissing, pinching, skittering all over him, all buggy like cub scout camp when Dad forgot to give him any spray. But Stryker’s mom was right. He had something up his sleeve. “Ninja throwing star” said Stryker with a toss, hitting an Earwig in the brain. It was the right recipe…for death. The Earwig died and it’s brains blew up everywhere and burned (this is still the part you should skip if you don’t have a parent with you). “Ninja throwing star” said Stryker again, knocking a Jet-eater into a da*g volcano. “Ninja throwing star” this time it’s Stryker spinning a star like a basketball and doing something of a “slam dunk” into the juicy bug guts of a pincer felon. “Ninja throwing star” last one was a ricochet boomerang shot he learned on vacation in Australia and it went through all the remaining heads, spun back around, gave Lenora a nice haircut and came right back to his hand. He was in perfect pose. “Oh Stryker,” said Lenora, swooning. “Catch me” “I want to Lenora, I do, but I need to get back” this time, it was Stryker with the smile and wink. He was looking at the sky. Just then, his mom looked at the screen. “Stryker, is that you?” (***this part anyone can read again, the gross part is over but sometimes war is like that and I don’t want to lie and pretend it’s pretty and love is maybe like that too but I don’t know***) “It is me,” said Stryker. “The gross part is over” (see?) She reached out to give a hug of her own, just like the cool Giants but better. Stryker was back in his living room, and Lenora was with him calling him the hero. They were laughing it up and his mom invited everyone over again for more party! This time, cake! His mom approached the video game station. “I guess we should shut this dangerous game off and buy Sonic instead!” (do this!) “Wait, but wait for me!” Clay was dragging himself out of the TV and everyone thought it was funny. “That’s Clay for you!” said Stryker, who to this day, still holds his boomerang ninja throwing star to remind him of the true battles of this life. THE END

...we're all ripping off what we most recently heard but really only being judged on making on effort towards coherency? I have a short story about a video game from 4th grade y'all might like. But get this: the kids get stuck in the game

I like to fall into a you tube K-hole of pranksters doing fun stuff like alluding to racial slurs and pretending to steal valuables. When I see it, I think "this is bad." Then, I invariably end up in a second K-hole, this time filled with the Prankster Gets Punched videos. When I see these, I think "this, also, is bad". But in this, I've struck a balance, which is very good

Remember when Jeff Party got those names wrong? That was some good shit

Woke up in a pile of broken dreams and a bed made from the tattered remnants of my many SAT testings. I am ecstatic to hear that my progenitors will not have to live the same struggle.

Elevated hamburger hideout