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Cockney Mackem

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Posts posted by Cockney Mackem

  8. Posted

    A couple of quickies:

     

    The wormhole appears on a distant world, a world which is on the brink of environmental catastrophe and whose wise elders are desperate for a solution. Who should emerge clutching the mysterious Japanese synthesiser, blinking behind sunglasses, but Bono from U2.

     

    "No thanks," say the elders, "We don't want to save the planet THAT much."

     

    The wormhole appears, bathing an alien planet in multicoloured light. Standing near it are a multitude of little green people wondering who is this visitor from across the universe. It's English Beatles tribute act Oasis. Immediately a violent struggle ensues, the like of which this galaxy has never seen. And when Liam and Noel have finished kicking the shit out of each other, they talk to the aliens.

     

    Out of the wormhole, blinking and stumbling, comes Adam Levine from Maroon 5, bringing with him the Cosmic Key and its haunting melodies. The people of this distant world say "Are you a master of melody sir? We have been searching for a musician for some time." Adam confidently plays them a selection of his hits including "Moves like Jagger" and "She Will Be Loved." The aliens listen carefully, then huddle together for a discussion. After a time they turn and ruefully shake their heads. "Sorry," they say "We ARE looking for some music to use as a weapon of battle to demoralise our enemies, but we don't want to commit war crimes."

    • Like 3

  13. Posted

    OK so here's a few things I wanted to add, sorry if anyone's raised them already.

     

    It feels like they missed out the first half hour of the film, which would have set up the world of Eternia and the struggle between He-Man and Skeletor. They don't do that, but they keep referring back to these events that we have no knowledge of and aren't invested in.

     

    At one point the locksmith expresses nostalgia for a time when people didn't need to lock their doors, and hopes that time will return. What an idiot - he's a locksmith, he'll be unemployed.

     

    Also, the character of Kevin is supposed to be the hero but he's a complete dick. He sees what he thinks is a valuable Japanese synthesiser and just steals it and takes it to his sound check. When he gives a description of his missing girlfriend to the police, he complains about the cop writing down the description saying "is that what you're going to do? WRITE stuff?" Yes you moron, to help him find your missing girlfriend. Then when people are trying to explain to him what's going on and that it's quite important to listen and co-operate, he argues and holds everyone up.

     

    Skeletor appears to have a staff shortage in this film. "It's vitally important to my plans to control the universe that we catch He Man and retrieve the key. Send those three guys."

     

    Julie is also a complete idiot. In the middle of a battle with strange beings she doesn't suspect a thing when her mother just appears and asks her to help the bad guys.

     

    Small point but it's weird that Teela sees the cow in the woods. Firstly, do cows live in the woods now? Also, she says it's ugly when it fact that's a damn pretty cow.

     

    And where does the ginger goblin find all the equipment to galactically pimp his ride? Later on he has none of the gear needed to make his magic key work, and is lucky that the three strangers he's randomly met happen to have the parts needed for interdimensional travel. "An octode rectifier? Why, I think I've got one in my bag here..."

     

     

    • Like 5

  14. Posted

    This is one of the rare podcasts I got in on the ground floor with.

    Heard Paul Scheer plug it on Doug Loves Movies and said "that sounds fun"

     

    Most of my favorites are above ep50s

     

    Yeah, there's a period in which the podcast is still establishing itself in terms of what features they do and what part each of the regulars plays in discussing the movies

     

    Great username by the way!

    • Like 1

  16. Posted

    I searched the forum and couldn't see this. Victory, released in the UK and some other territories as Escape to Victory, is a real candidate for HDGTM.

     

    It's got Stallone and Michael Caine (during his most productive period for bad movies) and was trying to capitalise on the shortlived popularity of soccer in America in the 70s with the NASL.

     

    For unknown but presumably AWESOME reasons they decided to make it a soccer movie combined with a World War 2 escape movie, and cast various real life football (OK, soccer) stars who were then playing and some former legends like Bobby Moore and Pele. This gives ample opportunity for some amateurish attempts at acting by people who are athletes not movie stars, and even better you can see some fantastic attempts by Michael Caine and, yes, Stallone to play soccer convincingly. Sly gets to play in goal despite being about a foot too short...

     

    There's all kinds of other tensions in the making of the film, as they got the legendary John Huston to direct. He seems to have been shooting for something along the lines of Bridge on the River Kwai with a bit of Great Escape thrown in, and really didn't get there. It's also strange watching him try and do the soccer scenes and going for a rabble rousing England-centric finale when he was renowned for hating the British.

     

    For all that it's actually a very enjoyable film and I'd love the team to feature this movie in a podcast.

  19. Posted

    Hi, I'm a longtime listener, firsttime poster. Thanks for the commentary on the film!

     

    I don't understand why Paul said in both the prologue and episode that this movie has been unavailable for a long time. It was released on every major home video format: VHS, Betmax, Laserdisc, DVD, and Blu-Ray. The BR was released in 2013 for the 25th anniversary. In previous episodes Paul and company mention buying used DVDs and Blu-Rays, not just streaming/downloading options. I wonder if physical media is now dead to him?

     

    I don't have any issues following this story. Eternia and Castle Greyskull are at the center of the universe and is a nexus for its energy. If Skeletor possesses the castle when the moon is at its zenith, he will be able to get that power and become Master of the Universe.

     

    It's said that if He-Man and friends use the key and disturb the gravitional tones, Skeletor's key will locate them (the other key.) I take this to mean that Skeletor gets a lock on the key's current position when it was used only. Likewise, Gwildor needs to punch in a lot of keys to open a door back to Eternia; Evil-Lyn only really needs to press any key to signal to Skeletor where she is.

     

    According to the director's commentary, Orko and Battlecat would have been impossible to do well since this film was before the era of CG. Gwildor was invented as a subtitute for Orko.

     

    I notice many critize the film for Skeletor's robot troops. Actually, Skeletor does use robot troops in the original cartoon!

     

    I get what you're saying about CG but people in furry costumes would have been perfectly in keeping with everything else that happened in this film.

    • Like 1
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