Here's Johnny Carson Daly

Nigel, cancel my reservation at Burger King and go fetch me something rancid-smelling out of a garbage can in the alley.

Ask not what your pinkie finger can do for you, ask what Margaret Thatcher's ghost can do for your pinkie finger.

Let's all just hold hands and dance in circles around the remnants of Daddy's prized peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Who dares to challenge the dominion of my grandmother's landlord's three-headed iguana's miniature encyclopedia collection?

The next major advance in word processing will, predictably, come from Laddy Larry's Steel Tulip Factory.

Make sure to water and fertilize your son every day so that he grows up to become a world-class dogcatcher.

Who's there? How's that? What's this? I think I'll go brush my teeth now.

Ugh, a police officer just gave me a ticket... to a Police concert! Also, the police officer was Sting.

I'm looking for a house with a drawing room suitable both for entertaining foreign dignitaries and for sobbing violently late into the night.

Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and keep your frenemies locked in your medicine cabinet.

If you're gonna butter me up like a biscuit, you'd best go ahead and stick me in that there oven.