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nthurkettle

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Everything posted by nthurkettle

  1. nthurkettle

    Fear (1996)

    Oh, definitely want to vote this up, for the roller-coaster scene, for young Mark Wahlberg's absolutely insane-o performance, and the BEHEADED DOG! It's really slickly-directed with lots of talented actors, and it starts out seemingly a little sane, which makes the escalating craziness so much more entertaining.
  2. nthurkettle

    Alone in the Dark (2005)

    There are more great things to mock than I can possibly sum up in this movie. I remember a scene where you can see a girl who doesn't realize she's on camera watching for her cue and nodding to acknowledge it before "walking in" to the scene. AND THEY KEPT THAT TAKE. I also think Stephen Dorff's entire performance was based on the idea that he missed nap time. And his crew of SUPER SECRET soldiers who can invade a museum in the middle of a major city with guns and helicopters and everything while remaining TOTALLY SUPER SECRET.
  3. nthurkettle

    The Karate Kid Part III (1989)

    Step 1. Use mind games and sadistic ringer to win karate tournament in the San Fernando Valley. 2. Pollute the Earth. 3. ??? 4. WORLD DOMINATION.
  4. nthurkettle

    Freejack (1992)

    Got to up this one. Mick Jagger is trying so hard; and how weird is it that after establishing Emilio as a race car driver, they don't even bother giving him a futurecar car chase?
  5. Now that HDTGM has done a Bond movie, it surely has to do an Elvis movie. I think it ought to be "Live a Little, Love a Little", where Elvis awkwardly attempts to be relevant to the youngsters of the late 60's by appearing in a romantic comedy where he photographs Playboy models, gets drugged and kidnapped by an insane hippie woman, and has a psychedelic musical freakout involving a man in a dog suit. It's available for rental on YouTube through WarnerVOD: Trailer here:
  6. nthurkettle

    The Wizard (1989)

    This movie must happen. IT. MUST. HAPPEN.
  7. nthurkettle

    Highlander II: The Quickening (1991)

    June would have so many theories about this movie. So, so many theories.
  8. nthurkettle

    Dungeons & Dragons (2000)

    I got to see a preview screening of this with a friend and we could not stop laughing for days after. We became obsessed with all the reaction shots of the weirdly-useless dwarf played by Lee Arenberg (later the "Hello, poppet!" pirate in the POTC franchise.), as well as the playground logic at work in all those council/trial scenes between Jeremy Irons and Thora Birch.
  9. nthurkettle

    The Scarlet Letter (1995)

    Oh, man, "Freely Adapted". I've never forgotten that credit. This plays like Demi Moore never read the book, got drunk, rambled some complete bullsh*t of what she "thinks" happened in the book but was really some kind of porny-narcissistic mixtape of pieces from The Crucible and Pocahontas and a urine-soaked copy of a John Jakes book, and forced a screenwriter to transcribe it. Also - Duvall dancing with dead dear on head. GREAT. LITERATURE.
  10. nthurkettle

    Mission to Mars

    Oh, I loved this one. Tim Robbins trying really, really unsuccessfully to convince us he's a cigar-chomping, convertible-cruising, gas-engine loving old-fashioned Real American. Those futuristic oxygen gauges that are always helpfully visualizing the dramatic stakes. The insane animated explanation for life on Earth. IIRC, it was jammed into production in order to make a release date - everyone looks like they showed up on set with no idea who their character would be and no time to rehearse.
  11. nthurkettle

    Beyond the Sea

    All due respect to Kevin Spacey, who is a tremendously talented actor, but this passion project of his from 2004 is one of the most insane things I've ever seen. He produced, co-wrote, directed, and stars in a musical biopic of Bobby Darin - in most of the events of the movie Darin is in his 20's, while Spacey is in his mid 40's. This makes the whole sequence where he is wooing Sandra Dee off-the-charts creepy, because all we see is a middle-aged man relentlessly wearing down the resistance of an 18-year-old girl, WHILE SINGING. Add in the bizarre meta framing device where "Darin" is shown to be making the movie about himself, and you have one of the most earnestly-strange misfires an acclaimed actor ever used all his clout to make.
  12. nthurkettle

    The Lawnmower Man (1992)

    Have to bump this one up. HDTGM has not done nearly enough movies from the 90's about the Internet
  13. nthurkettle

    Streets of Fire (1984)

    I adore "Streets of Fire". It's like Joel Silver snorted a whole bathtub full of cocaine and just decided to put everything that gave him teenage boners into one movie. I love how Dafoe's biker gang doesn't even really have a plan for what to do with Diane Lane once they've kidnapped her - they just leave her tied to a bed, clothes intact, and go off to play poker. I love how the so-called heroes in this movie are constantly doing crazy things that escalate bad situations - Pare's big rescue plan boils down to just randomly opening fire on any gang member he sees. Meanwhile, Dafoe's sinister revenge plan against Pare is...to openly request a fair one-on-one fight! And Diane Lane is insanely hot.
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