BonjaminJehnson

That's weird, no weather today

In response to the Poi Poi Poi Mantzoukas mishap Monday, The Comedy Bang Bang! hit catchphrase "Hey Gnong Man" is hereby a defunct, impotent cluster of words, and an altogether tremendous breach of consumer trust

I like my index finger most cause it tells me where all my other fingers are

Fosters. Australian for fake parents

Pop rocks aren't just a candy it's also how I feel about my dad

Make Coldplay not Cold War

I've heard of hot yoga but Cold War?!

Due to my strong personal convictions, I wish to stress that this film in no way endorses a belief in our host.

Elvis really let himself go, more like 3,000 miles of waistband.

This makes Shakespeare look like he was hitting a notebook with a bone

Millennials jeans are so tight that they cant even salute the flag.

You can always tell when a poor person is opening champagne cause they start from the bottom like it's a banana.

This is not a pipe. That's not a knife. This is a catchphrase. These are their stories.

From the play

High noon is the new 4:20

The Earth is so flat, a pancake once looked upon it and mistook it for a second pancake, now that's what I call a breakfast slam

Cheerleading is a human pyramid scheme

Just remember: any website can be a dating website if you try

Guys, 'member this. This was a good one!

More like Doctor Range! Every movie is a superhero movie when your power is acting!

Shameless bump

I used to play violin, now I just fiddle around

My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R I name each thing I eat, cause I'm C-R-A-Z-Y I give them families too, although none get out alive And when I sing this song it surely makes my mother cry

All the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't put Humpty together again. So all the kings men made the horses into glue, and rode on Humpty's back every night to the saloon

I want a Meryl in the Streeps and a geek in the cleates