Qwyatt Wyatt

https://soundcloud.com/user-796814004/the-plug-habit

hey Mods, how do I insert the soundcloud player in the post, instead of just the link? Thanks!

Old Mr. Donegal adjusted his monocle and stated quite clearly "Your dong, sir, is comical!" Then flew off in his ship, which was shaped long and conical (If you doubt my tale please look it up, it's canonical)

If you give a man a fish he'll eat for a day. Give a man a couple million bucks and he can collect a modest income from the interest!

If you steal your neighbors snickers bar beware! Before you know you'll have their nuts in your mouth!

If words are like the turds of birds then perhaps our prose is just so many piles of paltry poultry poop.

I've heard it said that one can have too much of a good thing. Well, this week I've finally discovered what that good thing is: preserved meats.

If you're looking for the place to be, you need look no further! We're already here and you're not welcome, you stupid pieces of shit!

Rub this highly scented chemical laden bar of wax repeatedly across any recently disinfected bodily surface from which you secrete malodorous fluids. Guaranteed to be efficacious only when utilized according to label instructions by properly licensed individuals.

Unfortunately, dear listeners, this episode of Comedy Bang Bang will not contain any plugs. Why, you ask? Because they're all in my butt!

Yer d'mang, mang

Your question is neither germane nor canonical. C-

Your being a dick

"You're in trouble!" Stated my swollen prostate. I guess that old codger I.P. Freely was right: youth truly is wasted on the young.

Ever since my dog died I've had to take the stairs everywhere I go. My leg strength is increasing and I've seen remarkable improvements to my cardiovascular health; yet still I find myself feeling a tad overburdened. Signage indicates dogs must be carried on the escalator; but I no longer have one to carry due to the aformentioned death of my dog!

If Peter Peter is a pumpkin eater, and Peter Parker is a spider man, what does Peter Gryffindor?

I say ask, you say axe. Let's just agree that I won't press charges if you stop chopping me up into little bits!

Fans of Kanye West unite! HaHa! Now we've got him right where we want him!!! Ready, Aim, FIRE!

Up my poon with a rubber spoon!?! Sounds real nice: I'll see ya soon!

Ever since I started using Raw Meal I've enjoyed poops consisting entirely of soft, voluminous turds. Thanks, Tig Notaro!

Wakey wakey, eggs & bakey?!?! WHAT ABOUT ME!!!!! I'm a human being dammit and I demand to be woken as well!