doucheydog

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' Everytime God hands me a ladder, I break some windows. Amen. Now let's EAT! '

' NEW! Click on my voice for celebrity slideshows! BUY NOW! No credibility required! '

' Welcome to Cardigain BargainBag! Today's episode is presented with closed captioning by renowned R&B tribute group "Boys 3 Men". '

'"How to Lend to Friends and End Foolish People" taught me all I need to know about child-rearing at the tender young age of RIGHT EFFING NOW!'

Never trade a broken wrench for a disadvantage! Welcome to Calmly-BringDogs.

'When I heard how much I could save in car insurance, I died a little inside. Some small, forgotten part of me finally became a man that day.'

'Ok- Elevator Pitch!: 180 degrees, 365 days a year, only ONE gets out alive!'

And now, it's time for a little something called plugs! Cody, you stapled the script wrong again.

In the mortal words of Gabby Woods: "Happy Hookers Have Helping Hands!". Welcome to the Cosmic Bordello.

Slap me with a hammer 'n saddle me up, 'cuz it's The Calamity Big-Bog Show!

"Posh! Such nonsense is beneath me, seeping into my shoes."

My "that's what she said" thunder is what you're stealing- I'd like it back! (but not too soon)

That Reese sure does know how to butter a peanut! Ever since the days when Washingtons were first carved.

When is a little boy with a sore throat not a little boy? When he's a metaphor. Welcome to Comedy Bag Balm.

If I can't catch this phrase, I'll have to go back to selling life insurance! Ya gotta cut me a break, Marty!

Welcome back to the show! Before the break, the universe came to be, and some other stuff also happened! We'll see you next time- BYE!

If I've ever learned only just one thing alone and nothing else, it's to never ever ever ever try to beef up a word that's already an absolute.

I can't fathom it- my fathometer is broken! Hold on, I know I've got a can of 'suss' here somewhere.

In trying times like these, we must remember what we're supposed to remember in trying times like these. Seriously, I forgot.

So's far as I'm concerned, N-S-F-W means "Not so fast, WEIRDO!".

Now featuring gratuitous on-screen sex scenes and much larger explosions! 20% more 'Bang! Bang!' for your buck buck!

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