AshleyChupp

Wow I go to one improv practice (ordinary world) and now there's a war being planned or some shit? (call to adventure) Listen I know I'm the newest frequent poster here and so you all probably want me to lead the New Posters army, but that's just way too much pressure and responsibility for me! I'm inexperienced and soft and ignorant to the evils of man. (refusal of the call) Also I've been working pretty hard on ingratiating myself to the Old Posters out of respect and also wanting to boost my own social rankings. (refusal of the call part 2 electric han m'boogie) But if someone gives me a good rousing speech (meeting with the mentor), I can probably be convinced to kick off Act One. Anyway, speaking of improv practice earlier today when Andrew told me to suck his dick it was pretty upsetting and I started to wonder if maybe I had done something wrong by coming to this forum to bond with cool, funny people who love the same thing that I love and that maybe I actually wasn't funny at all and should quit posting and also talking in general. But then I just had a real slam dunk practice. I was establishing realities left and right, cranking out touchdown punchlines and just doing really fantastic object/space work. (I'm def the breakout star, thinking about going solo) Which reminded me that I actually am super funny even if Andrew tells me to suck his dick. In fact if there is any flaw at all in my comedy it's that I don't shout ridiculous things onto the internet after exactly zero thought ENOUGH. In conclusion, 50 Cent was doing an appearance promoting vodka directly across the improv theater tonight. PS- Hi, Anastasia. Big fan. PPS- I can't fucking believe I'm not a soupr fave. Edit to add that Andrew is actually very nice and I'm not genuinely upset at him.

If you needed help socking a dork, you could have just said so. I do have a mean left hook.

Tell her you know Andrew of the Hollywood Handbook forum elite.

Sorry everyone. I should clarify that honlads' third attempt at conversation, "Sup, girl? I can't tell by your pics but I bet you have great titties. I'm not looking for anything serious, but I'd love to "get" to "know" "you" (with my dick lol). you seem like a nice and down to earth lady I could get all up in if you know what I mean. Also, this is not a standard message I copy and paste into every woman's inbox," actually worked very well and now honlads and I are engaged at least until he finds "a more down piece of ass but you get it babe cause you're cool, right?"

The best thing about thejjar's okc profile is the way he posts pics of himself with super hot babes so that any ladies considering messaging him will have to compare themselves to the babes first. Really weeds out the uggos I bet. Nice thinking, bro.

So far I've gotten "hai" and "I just wanna know if you're into hookups?" which doesn't seem like a question to me but OKAY bub.

Hey, friends I could use some help with my online dating profile. I feel like what I have is very approachable and relatable and not at all off-putting, but if I want to bag a "Hayes" or a "Sean" or a "honlads" then I'm gonna really have to bring my A game. Any suggestions are appreciated.

Thank you kindly, greggy. I listened to the podcast you did and it's a pretty good start, buddy! I'll email you my notes.

Guys I'm sorry for posting that video and I hope it doesn't get me in trouble. I had no idea it would cause any controversy. Here's a much better video I found to reflect the somber sincerity of my apology. Please take a moment to watch and reflect. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZY-CyB5zrI i want to stop posting but i can't plz send help

Oh dear god what have I gotten myself into?

LaCroix Sparkling Water (Pamplemousse) review http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2dr92mc980&feature=youtu.be

jesus christ silvrwoman. so glad I've already claimed you as Writing Partner.

Any joke that ends in "orange you glad I didn't say banana" is killer in my book. Let's start there.

I need this to be real. "I never eat pussy, bro." "Yes, and *I* never wear condoms." .... "Thanks for meeting me here in this bar." "Yes, and check out all the titties."

Also listen because if it turns out I spent hours editing this thing only for Silvr not to get the attention and recognition she deserves, then I might do something crazy. I am also manipulating you into listening.

I'm so sorry to come in here on New Episode Day and distract from Hayes and Sean's brilliance, but my agent told me if I don't do this post today, he's going to drop me: Do you guys like content? Then try listening to the pilot epsiode of Yo, Is This Sexist? Yes. This Is Totally Sexist. (YITS Y TITS) Thank you so much to the team at Wolfcool Productions for giving Silvrwoman and me this space to speak our truth. (also special thanx 2 Yung Chickn for pitching this idea to us. that kid is going places)

What was Brett's thought?! I'm dying to know! It can't end like this. I need answers! BRETT WHAT WAS YOUR THOUGHT???

How DARE u guys? Ashley Absinthe is my birth name given to me by my parents who both went to medical school. Stop disrespecting my family like this. I WILL call the motherfucking police. DOn't test me! I'm so pissed I can't even do a good post!!

While I'm on this streak of terrible posts I just want to say that Vince Vaughn did 9/11:

so funny cause i was gonna say literally the exact reverse of this. that host is garbage and sounds like she would get zero likes on her posts in this forum just hypothetically. i thought the guest was very funny and nice and charming but maybe that's just me.

Sup, Jakal??

hey guys I'm changing my display name because my old one was stupid and I hate it but don't worry it's still me your favorite forum poster.

If you're saying you want to be my boyfriend, Silvrwoman, that's probably a private message conversation.

If you're saying you want to be my boyfriend, Spunky Foonerism, that's probably a private message conversation.

Just cut myself trying to use a bottle opener on my beer. This is why I need a boyfriend* smh. I finished listening to Reality Show Show today. Had a strangely intense emotional reaction to it. I'm probably on my period. Then I started thinking about what would happen if Hollywood Handbook ended. I actually cried. Shed real tears. I hadn't felt such despair since one of my old friends told me that my alcoholism was hurting the people close to me. I should probably bring this up in therapy. Except for that I don't have health insurance anymore and can't afford therapy. Anyway I've been reading through the RSS forums as I listen to the show. It feels creepy to do, so I'm going to announce publicly that I've been doing it. Chanson, Valerie Bryant, Greggy and the rest of the RSS forum posters who I'm forgetting (sorry bout it) it's such an honor to exist in the same Internet space as you all. You're incredibly funny and that's so cool. But also I'm funny too, just saying. In summation, I'm not drunk and it's very good that no one is posting here on this, the Lord's Day. *It's honestly the only reason I can think of that I might need a boyfriend.