AshleyChupp

This is great, guys. Keep the truths coming. My father has recently starting trying to build a casually friendly relationship with me. While I really want to let the past go and move forward in good faith, I just don't think I can forgive him if he won't actually apologize.

Good news, friends! Mercury retrograde is over today. This means we can all begin effectively communicating truth with each other, and we no longer need to protect ourselves and each other by hiding behind sixteen different layers of irony and crow puns. Let's be courageous and honest with one another, starting now. I'll go first: I'm incredibly hungry.

Michael Fassbender Jr.'s dad is Damian Lewis.

Hey hagsville, wargen was supposed to come pick me up so we could go see Dirty Grandpa in IMAX this afternoon, but he just called and said apparently it's his turn to keep watch from the Crow Tower and he's on thin ice since he dozed off on his last watch and some birds got in. (turns out they were just ravens but honestly that was sheer luck) Do you have a car? I'll pay for your ticket and I'll even share my popcorn. Also if you have a car seat for infants that would be great. If not its cool, tho. I can just leave Michael Fassbender Jr. in his playpen.

I miss Sam.

Come here often?

Hi, Sam.

For anyone who is concerned, even though Devin got us good, me and Jeffrey and Nohorseman are expected by the doctors to make a full recovery. Except that Jeffrey is now blind on account of his eyeballs melting. I didn't anticipate ending up in this hospital burn ward this morning, but I am grateful to have two of my dearest friends here with me, going through the same painful experience. I think in the end our shared trauma has brought us closer together. And can you really ask for a better gift than that? Blessings, friends, and thank you for your well wishes in this difficult time.

don't even get me STARTED on that one!!! for shame, lerini. fuck i DID IT AGAIN. someone lock me out of here. this is the worst night of my life.

CAROL DANVERS IS THE ONLY CAPTAIN MARVEL ANYONE CARES ABOUT i can't believe i'm wasting my posts on this.

Captain Marvel is a woman, but I *am* impressed that you tried.

Today I slashed the fuck out of my hand but soldiered on through work despite the immense pain. Then on my way home I called the cops on a dude dragging a woman in tears down the street. So I'm a hero for TWO different reasons and deserve TWICE as much respect. You can express your reverence to me in cash donations or I guess compliments if you're like poor or some shit.

anyone dumb enough to turn down a funny, sweet gem like Lizzy deserves a good punch in the brain imo. I'd be honored to do the honors. If you would have me, Lizzy. Or you can do what I did the one time I ever asked someone out and then they stood me up. Which is get drunk and sleep with your sleaziest friend who rushed to your side as soon as he heard you were vulnerable and then meet his 2 year old daughter the next morning. But actually probably just let me punch him in the brain. I'm jonesing for a good brain punching so you'd be doing me a favor, really.

I specifically asked you guys last week to STOP killing my teen heroes. Fuck you guys for real.

Hey, nobody. What was up with Brad Pitt's hair at the Golden Globes? Am I the only one outraged about this? What's a good soft drink that you like? When's the best time to go to the dentist? With respect, Ashley

I know u all have been clamoring for another of my famous Video Reviews of a Soft Drink. sorry it's been so long. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As1TpWz4kdg can't wait for someone to google me and find my youtube channel and then i have to explain this shit.

Hey Keeboco do u wanna go mini golfing with me later? Only thing is u gotta wear this wig and these spectacles and answer to "great auntie gertie" the whole time. It's just that the mini golf place is right next door 2 the arcade where I told chickn that I couldn't play ddr with him and I SAID it was because I had "family obligations" but really it's because he's always bumming tokens from me and when I tell him he owes me he just starts crying about how he got fired from Dairy Queen last month and I really cannot deal with that sob story again. I know what ur thinking. Why not go to the other mini golf place across town but that place is an INDOOR mini golf place and you and I both know that's some bullshit. Anyway, hit me back.

Jeffrey is a nice, respectful boy. Don't make him regret vouching for you in the past. Also v cool that thejjar has already seen all the best boobs. Now he never has to bother with any other, lesser boobs!

Hmm thundercock I think we need to have a talk. Are you acting out for attention? Is it these new boys you've been hanging out with? What's going on, kid?

Someone is puking in the bathroom stall next to me at work. AMA. Edit: the next time silvr tries to tell me a canary melon is a cantaloupe I will scream. It is literally my job to know these things.

We forumed so hard this week we killed David Bowie. Let's all be more careful from here on out. I don't think I could handle losing another one of my monumental teen heroes and lasting influences. If Tila Tequila dies next week, I'll know it was all of you. (PS- for real I'm very sad, guys.)

Wargen is too funny to be a Capricorn. I suspect he is lying about his birthday, therefore I will not be wishing him a happy one today.

Lucky for you the Criterion Edition of my avatar just came out! It's extended and remastered, and I'm very thrilled to announce its release. I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank my assistant honlads for all his hard work helping me with this project. Too bad it's too late for a Christmas bonus, buddy! Better luck next year.

Hey buddy it's all literal water under the proverbial bridge! We all know what Jesus said: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but it takes courage and humility to admit that our words are sometimes hurtful and to express remorse to those we have pained." But also like I totally never cared about it at all cause I'm not one of those girls who are all like catty and dramatic and have feelings and shit. I'm really laid back and chill I just wanna eat pizza and watch Netflix lol I drink beer! (Idk if you were contacted recently by "a lawyer" about "being sued" for "emotional damages" but I bet if that happened it was just a dumb prank by some rando or something.)