RyanAlexanderDean

The melodies, the felonies, some jellybeans, and the bourgeoisie

There exists a duality among all things: yin, yang; man, woman; cat, dog; air, water; butter, margarine; shirt, pants; left sock, right sock; heaven, hell; Marvel, DC; Randy Newman, Randy Travis; North, South; pink, blue; tap water, vitamin water; Ruby Tuesday's, T.G.I. Friday's; these are eternal truths.

Marionettes playing clarinets? Mannequins playing mandolins? The mind-numbing insanity of this situation is simply too great, I commit ritual Seppuku!

I will not have it; I simply won't have it! A nun with a rabbit all up in MY habit!?

Dutch angles, Dutch ovens... Dutch don't know anymore!

Don't fret, regret!

Hello Sparkles, my old friend

On a scale from zero to hero, what is dancing like no one's watching?

Hello! I'm just about to welcome you to Comedy Bang Bang which I'll get to as soon as I finish reading this catchphrase suggestion from... Wrybread? Ugh

The name's Fart Noise Jackson and I don't cotton too well to interlopers jammin' up my beeswax, chief.

Mista Dobalina, Mista Bob Dobalina, tear down this wall!

Hey, you dirty ape, baby I've got your monkeys, don't you want them?

To laugh, to cry, to provoke, to masquerade; all inconsequential. What I live for is to boogie.

This one goes out to all the subs and doms and all the sub-subs, and the dom-subs too!

Alright, I'm gonna try and make it through this thing, but I do have the squirts

Would that it twere so simple

I'll bring you all my monkeys, ape days a week

Four score and seven innings ago... Shit. Listen, this isn't going anywhere. Welcome to U Talkin' U---Damnit!

A snack in a pack is worth two in the fridge

A million blueberries later and he had finally made the perfect muffin: firm and moist in all the right places

... and no one was able to make it out before the structure collapsed. Weeelllll that's the Justin Long and Martin Short of it

I know from experience that when a horse asks the question, "Where the hell have you been?" there is no right answer