Reptarftw

I get so embarrassed when people bring up that movie. 17-year-old me saw it with a buddy opening weekend and thought it was the most profound thing I'd ever seen, and thusly made everyone else go see it. 17-year-old me was pretty much the definition of a sheltered suburban kid. So, yeah. Target audience.

After Dark Films may as well sponsor HDTGM.

I think I found that "I look like The Walking Dead" moment genuinely charming enough—even if spoiled in the trailer, as pretty much the only really good moment in the movie—to forgive so many sins. It's like watching a really shitty horror movie with one really cool set piece or earned scare that kinda validates my effort in watching. Like how Gareth Evans' work almost made V/H/S 2 recommendable, or that fucking clown in Amusement.

I would actually say Blended wasn't that bad. Non-ironically. It wasn't good, but it wasn't terrible. It felt like something critics told me I should hate, because it came post-Adam Sandler essentially admitting it was just a studio-paid vacation for him and his buds. But it wasn't bottom-of-the-barrel quality either. There have been a lot worse offerings from Happy Madison (not saying much, I guess).

But what you're missing, clearly, is that the piece of wood is metaphorical. It's a raw piece of wood. Raw wood. Unsheathed, as it were. This movie came out in 1997, and was clearly written years before that, in the height of The Basketball Diaries / Kids / Boys on the Side / drugs / needles / sex / bio awareness years. He was avoiding the D. Because he didn't know where it had been, previously.

Michael Jackson and Gandhi have way more in common than most people realize. Which is to say: they had the exact same creepy proclivity for sleeping with children BUT TOTALLY NOT IN THAT WAY, GUYS, GEEZ.

I challenge this notion. No one—not even denizens of cousinfucking America—found I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry funny.

I love this image of the assertion of masculinity. Like, the line that crosses "I will let my girlfriend drag me to a random Heath Ledger movie" but ABSOLUTELY stops at guy-on-guy action. WHOA! NO! NO. NO BUTT SEX. I AM WAY TOO MUCH OF A MAN FOR THIS. GET UP, HONEY. I HAVE TO LET THE ENTIRE LOBBY KNOW THAT I DRAW THE LINE AT GAY SEX. WHAT? YES, WE CAN STOP BY ANN TAYLOR ON THE WAY HOME.

Brendan Fraser is a national treasure. I've never seen an actor who is so, so bad just WORK in so many movies. I mean, he's an awful actor. By so many marks. But Mummy works with him. For some reason. It just works. He's awful. But put him opposite Joe Pesci? It just works. Don't ask anyone how. It does. He is the reason Hollywood can't have nice things. But put him in an episode of Scrubs? You will cry. Dammit. You WILL cry.

Anyone suggesting the writers of Hackers didn't know dick about the internet really needed to be listening to the GOP debate tonight. Holy shit, was the collective understanding of how the internet works well-rooted in the kinds of ideas that informed movies like this and The Net.

I had to IMDB that one. Remember that on the walls at video stores. Guess that's a must-add for my viewing list, huh? Come to think of it, one could really just have a spectacularly horrible monkey movie marathon sometime. Ed, Dunston Checks In (as my personal favorite), Funky Monkey, Most Extreme Primate / Most Valuable Primate. There is a lot of potential here.

If Sly had this tech in Judge Dredd, he would be 3,000% more safe. Covers up back of head first to prevent cheap headshot. Turns around. Shades come down over eyes to guard against JJ Abrams lens flares. Locked and loaded. THIS IS WHY THEY GIVE MATT LEBLANC SPINOFFS.

So what you're saying is Shane Black didn't write this screenplay.

Yes, this confirms the Matt LeBlanc face shield is still in my top 10 favorite movie moments. Nothing has changed in 15 years. Carry on!

I worked at Hollywood Video when the adult softcore Pirates was released to capitalize on the Pirates of the Carribean craze. Mass confusion from so many grandparents either renting for the kids, or "renting for the kids". At some point, we just stopped pointing out which was which.

All these years later, every time I say the word "obligation", my heart shrinks two sizes.

The extent of things I could tell you about the Hellraiser franchise, despite it being on in the background of me working every October: Pinhead, puzzle box, awesome Cenobite designs, so much 90s fashion.

I was thinking, during The Island of Dr Moreau episode: man, my parents took me to see this when I was a kid, and I actually remember thinking it was good. Or good enough to later pirate on a VHS-to-VHS record after renting from VH1 Video or something. So many terrible movies I just never saw as terrible as a grade-schooler. Probably because there were explosions. And blood. You can't go wrong with those. So same thing for Lost in Space. I was 8 or 9 when this hit theaters. Coolest. Movie. Ever. That face shield that came down over Matt LeBlanc's face? Yeah, I thought that made Matt LeBlanc the coolest actor I had ever seen. I used to write these terrible sci-fi screenplays around that age, and all of them would incorporate that exact technology.

First post, I know, nefarious agenda. But yes, this does seem like the perfect movie for this podcast. There is just so much to... Yeah. There is just so much. Crazy to think this came from the same director as The Cooler.