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Reptarftw

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Posts posted by Reptarftw

  1. Posted

    Let us not forget that he was also in "Crash", one of the finest ensemble comedies of the 21st century!

     

    I get so embarrassed when people bring up that movie. 17-year-old me saw it with a buddy opening weekend and thought it was the most profound thing I'd ever seen, and thusly made everyone else go see it.

     

    17-year-old me was pretty much the definition of a sheltered suburban kid. So, yeah. Target audience.

    • Like 1

  3. Posted

    It definitely wasn't his worst, but it had more WTF moments (starting with the "Africa as a singular place to visit and not a giant, diverse continent" premise) than a lot of his other ones. It's also not a total chore to sit through, though, and bad comedies usually are, which is probably another reason the crew doesn't like to do them.

     

    I think I found that "I look like The Walking Dead" moment genuinely charming enough—even if spoiled in the trailer, as pretty much the only really good moment in the movie—to forgive so many sins. It's like watching a really shitty horror movie with one really cool set piece or earned scare that kinda validates my effort in watching. Like how Gareth Evans' work almost made V/H/S 2 recommendable, or that fucking clown in Amusement.

  4. Posted

    I think it's because they generally stay away from comedies because making fun of bad jokes isn't really all that interesting. That said, I wouldn't mind seeing them do Blended, especially after Jason was so enamored with the trailer in one episode (can't remember which ep. Winter's Tale, maybe?)

     

    I would actually say Blended wasn't that bad. Non-ironically. It wasn't good, but it wasn't terrible. It felt like something critics told me I should hate, because it came post-Adam Sandler essentially admitting it was just a studio-paid vacation for him and his buds. But it wasn't bottom-of-the-barrel quality either.

     

    There have been a lot worse offerings from Happy Madison (not saying much, I guess).

  5. Posted

    Here's a random moment that demonstrates how little thought went into this movie and made me laugh quite a bit.

     

    The first night that Shaq is fighting crime in his new steel suit, he stands in the middle of the street as bad guys open fire on him and doesn't flinch. As the bullets bounce off him he even does the Dikembe Mutombo finger wag to taunt them. Later after using his magnet to take all the villains' guns, a few of them attack him with two-by-fours. At one point the man in a BULLETPROOF, STEEL SUIT dodges and jumps out of the way to avoid getting hit by a piece of wood.

     

    But what you're missing, clearly, is that the piece of wood is metaphorical. It's a raw piece of wood. Raw wood. Unsheathed, as it were. This movie came out in 1997, and was clearly written years before that, in the height of The Basketball Diaries / Kids / Boys on the Side / drugs / needles / sex / bio awareness years.

     

    He was avoiding the D. Because he didn't know where it had been, previously.

  6. Posted

    Michael Jackson's Moonwalker. The opening compares him to Gandhi, Mother Teresa, and Martin Luther King Jr. And it goes up from there!

     

    Michael Jackson and Gandhi have way more in common than most people realize. Which is to say: they had the exact same creepy proclivity for sleeping with children BUT TOTALLY NOT IN THAT WAY, GUYS, GEEZ.

  7. Posted

    Meanwhile, the same person finds the super gay caricatures in Adam Sandler movies to be high-larious, even though they serve no other purpose than to be the butt of a joke or to be there to make straight characters in the movie feel uncomfortable. Actually, we did get a complaint or two for "Chuck and Larry" about the gay stuff even though these guys acting like a gay couple IS THE ACTUAL PLOT OF THE MOVIE.

     

    I challenge this notion.

     

    No one—not even denizens of cousinfucking America—found I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry funny.

    • Like 1

  8. Posted

    Well, imagine the surprise of some shit-kicker around the forty-minute mark that didn't know what the movie was about, that was being dragged to it by a girlfriend that ALSO didn't know what it was about, only that it was up for every award under the sun. We had our share of FURIOUS customers coming out and swearing up a storm at us, like we'd tricked them into seeing it. "I didn't pay to see no gay shit!", I heard more than once, and while there's certainly more to the movie, they would have noticed if they'd taken even 10 fucking seconds to look anything up themselves that yes, they certainly did.

     

    I love this image of the assertion of masculinity. Like, the line that crosses "I will let my girlfriend drag me to a random Heath Ledger movie" but ABSOLUTELY stops at guy-on-guy action.

     

    WHOA! NO! NO. NO BUTT SEX. I AM WAY TOO MUCH OF A MAN FOR THIS. GET UP, HONEY. I HAVE TO LET THE ENTIRE LOBBY KNOW THAT I DRAW THE LINE AT GAY SEX. WHAT? YES, WE CAN STOP BY ANN TAYLOR ON THE WAY HOME.

    • Like 1

  9. Posted

    To be fair, this is easily one of Brendan Frasier's best movies. That, however is a low low bar to clear.

     

    Brendan Fraser is a national treasure. I've never seen an actor who is so, so bad just WORK in so many movies.

     

    I mean, he's an awful actor. By so many marks. But Mummy works with him. For some reason. It just works.

     

    He's awful. But put him opposite Joe Pesci? It just works. Don't ask anyone how. It does.

     

    He is the reason Hollywood can't have nice things. But put him in an episode of Scrubs? You will cry. Dammit. You WILL cry.

    • Like 2

  10. Posted

    Anyone suggesting the writers of Hackers didn't know dick about the internet really needed to be listening to the GOP debate tonight. Holy shit, was the collective understanding of how the internet works well-rooted in the kinds of ideas that informed movies like this and The Net.

  11. Posted

    I think that this is an actual device that he'd had made a couple years before to shield his eyes from ever having to see that monkey baseball movie of his.

     

    I had to IMDB that one. Remember that on the walls at video stores. Guess that's a must-add for my viewing list, huh?

     

    Come to think of it, one could really just have a spectacularly horrible monkey movie marathon sometime. Ed, Dunston Checks In (as my personal favorite), Funky Monkey, Most Extreme Primate / Most Valuable Primate. There is a lot of potential here.

  12. Posted

    Wait, so he completely covers his face and eyes BEFORE having to carefully aim at something?

     

    If Sly had this tech in Judge Dredd, he would be 3,000% more safe.

     

    Covers up back of head first to prevent cheap headshot. Turns around. Shades come down over eyes to guard against JJ Abrams lens flares. Locked and loaded.

     

    THIS IS WHY THEY GIVE MATT LEBLANC SPINOFFS.

    • Like 2

  13. Posted

    In the Arcade, there was an NBA Jam machine. The Arcade version of that game had Shaq in it, while the home versions didn't. So are we to assume that Shaquille O'Neal exists in this universe, and John Henry Irons gets mistaken for Shaq all the time? Or is this a universe in which Shaq followed into his step-fathers footsteps (Phillip Harrison) into the military and changes his name and never went into the NBA? Or is this just a universe in which Shaq just does not exist at all?

     

    So what you're saying is Shane Black didn't write this screenplay.

    • Like 1

  15. Posted

    I worked at Hollywood Video when the adult softcore Pirates was released to capitalize on the Pirates of the Carribean craze.

     

    Mass confusion from so many grandparents either renting for the kids, or "renting for the kids". At some point, we just stopped pointing out which was which.

    • Like 2

  18. Posted

    I was thinking, during The Island of Dr Moreau episode: man, my parents took me to see this when I was a kid, and I actually remember thinking it was good. Or good enough to later pirate on a VHS-to-VHS record after renting from VH1 Video or something. So many terrible movies I just never saw as terrible as a grade-schooler. Probably because there were explosions. And blood. You can't go wrong with those.

     

    So same thing for Lost in Space. I was 8 or 9 when this hit theaters. Coolest. Movie. Ever. That face shield that came down over Matt LeBlanc's face? Yeah, I thought that made Matt LeBlanc the coolest actor I had ever seen. I used to write these terrible sci-fi screenplays around that age, and all of them would incorporate that exact technology.

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