gigi-tastic

I missed out on commenting on last week's episode ( I was trying to help a friend make her weird tiny church look somewhat decent for the pastor's new stepdaughter's sudden wedding. it was.... well it was. The groom's "witness" wore baggy jeans and a hoodie. He looked like he just rolled out of bed and was hungover.) but I really felt like I needed to express my deep seeded distrust of dolphins. I feel about dolphins as June feels about robots. They are Not To Be Trusted. There is a legit season every year where dolphins kill porpoise babies and play with the corpses. They are the rapists of the deep and are apparently riddled with STDS (which no judgement on people / animals with stds. Just on Dolphins ). Oh and worst of all THEY ARE SMART AND CAN GO DAYS WITHOUT SLEEPING. i just... it had to be said. Also i don't know if anyone else mentioned that Dolphins get high in the wild by hitting blow fish with their snouts and getting pricked by their spines . Clearly Pufferfish is the gateway drug to heroin. I wouldn't be shocked if Jones was a drug dealer to all the other ocean life. Some poor beluga whale is out there in that world turning tricks at Future Seaworld to pay for his debilitating drug habit AND WE ALL KNOW WHO GOT HIM STARTED. Thank you and I promise to shut up about dolphins forever now. Let me know if we ever do a movie about my mortal enemy Geese. You're all in for it then.

I assume they get a ton but i don't know how many they take in. I feel like they probably know what they want to put themselves through and have like a set idea of what movies they will do and won't do. I'm still shocked and sad we have never done Showgirls. It's really one of the best shitty movies of all time. The pool sex scene alone. I don't know which version is more bizarre original or the tv movie one which..how and why they thought it was a good idea to put THIS movie on tv ??? (thy had to cgi bras on Elizabeth Berkeley to show it on tv. I think if you have to CGI THINGS ON TO YOUR ACTRESS maybe just maybe this movie isn't for tv.)The only thing I hate is the awful party ending with the musician. (for the longest time I thought he was a magician). I legitimately cannot watch that scene. I think it might be too popular to do though.

PLUS it's just so bad! Like I have a badly done tattoo ( it's too high on my wrist and is thus very faded and has lots of little lines through it. Thankfully it's just words) . Still his looks like he got a buddy of his drunk and let him practice on his back.

The day we do Queen of the Damned is the day my angsty tween (still unknown) bi self does the dance of joy. Looking back I completely understand why I was so obsessed with this movie and it had everything to do with Aaliyah. Honestly it still does but I now also love the utter campy fun of it all.

Oh god you are all far to classy to watch Real housewives (unless you do??) but this reminds me of the only one I watch (New Jersey!) one of the husbands uses colored hair spray stuff to make it look like he isn't going bald and he got in a fight with his brother in law and it got all over both of them. God Bless the messy ass Giudices and Gorgas.

I'm super late this time and I'm sure no one cares but.... for some odd reason I was obsessed with Rat Race as a kid and they make a cameo in that. I feel like they sang All Star in that as well? I could be wrong ( I probably am).

So has the mall been built yet? Is this like the episode of The Magic School Bus where they want to build a mall on the swamp and Carlos has to argue against Arnold's scary cousin? How do I have this information in my brain?

I feel like maybe she's a secret Black Widow going after easy prey but no one TOO wealthy or in the spot light so she isn't caught? Three months after their wedding Chester's gonna have a "sudden" heart attack and it's on to the next schmuck.

The only thing I could thing of was maybe her parents have been trying to get her into a sport she DOESN'T suck at? Like they just have a list of stuff and every year she has to try out for something? I have no idea. My mom tried to get me to join all kinds of stuff as a kid like Girl Scouts which I quit once I realized we didn't get to eat the cookies and it was nothing like Troop Beverly Hills . Nary a fashion show to be seen! Karate didn't pan out either because I assumed it meant I would be kicking ass and taking names after three classes. By the time jr high/ middle school came around I was DONE.

I've never seen it all but i always seem to find it on tv around the bit where Joan is admonishing her house keeper for not moving a potted plant to wash under it (or wash the plant?) and says something like "I'm not mad at you I'm mad at the dirt!"

I hate to admit this but I skinny dipped ONCE when I was like 11 at our pool with a friend (why I do not know) and y mom's friend from next door like pulled a Wilson from Home Improvement and popped over our fence to ask me to go get my mom who was in inside and WOULD NOT go away and I distinctly remember having to get out from my floaty castle and i had to run as fast as I could ass naked to the deck in full view of this woman and my friend who was hiding and laughing i have never skinny dipped since that day nor will I.

YES! Every time she said it I cringed so hard.

Nothing says family friendly like topless women in a Jacuzzi. Also ... was threatening to cut people's tits ( I'm assuming it's tits and not... taint? A euphemism for vagina? God it's even worse if it is something else) off a thing? I've never seen a bad guy threaten a woman's breasts before. Pretty sure I would be more scared of my throat being slit then my boobs being cut off. Though it is SO deranged that it might actually make me more scared because clearly my attacker is utterly unhinged and might do anything. I guess maybe more movie villains need to start threatening tits/taints I also am 100% here for baby snake vengeance

This is quite possibly the best interpretation of this film. I NEED this dramatic masterpiece to come to the screen. I also request that a sequel be made where in the snakes child sets out on a bloody path of vengeance Kill Bill style to destroy all those who have wronged not only it's father, and family but ALL of snake kind! In this sequel I'm going to need a training montage, at least one vision of the deceased snake speaking to his son/daughter, a scrappy sidekick best friend (maybe a chameleon though it doesn't have to be another lizard. A poison dart frog could work), a wise mentor who may or may not be too old for this shit (I'm thinking an iguana), and dramatic double cross. Should there be anything else? Clearly Jason, June and Paul would have to be in both.

Also she might want to let the police know that he's killed before and to check out a 2006 mini van in the car storage area, that clearly all police have

Ah but that was about an evil husband. THIS is about an evil boy toy.

I was thinking the same thing! I don't think she was anywhere near drunk enough to black out if her reflex were good enough to cook an entire chicken. I've never cooked an entire chicken before but I do know it takes about an hour to make some chicken breasts, longer if not properly defrosted. That gives some time to let her body fight off the booze. Then when you factor in that she ended up eating that would also help with her sobriety. Also, I clearly don't know her tolerance levels, but for most people a few glasses of wine is not going to get you so utterly drunk that you black out. If she was drinking hard liquor like vodka or whiskey, yeah that would do it but then we would be back to the issue of how she manged to cook a whole chicken. I'm assuming knife skills were needed at some point. On the uncooked chicken bit, i do know some really stupid teenagers that maybe could think they had cooked the chicken but I highly doubt it. You can tell when a chicken is raw vs when it's cooked, even just a little bit.

Hey Wino moms have to have something to do after they take the kids to school. I'm assuming this had a similar crowd to 50 Shades, but instead of a semi porn they can justify it because of the thriller angle. I honestly don't know, I'm assuming youngish moms in their 30's and 40's are JLo's prime audience.

I loved how into the female gaze/ slant Jason was. I always love when he brings up interesting stuff like this and when they actually examine the movies text/subtexts just as much as when they trash it. Truly enjoyable episode. No idea if anyone's mentioned this but from the few clips i watched though I really have to ask what the hell kind of school J Loe is teaching at. The outfit in the "first edition" Iliad scene would never have been ok in my high school. Her shirt is practically falling off of her, but that could be because it looks like it's two sizes too big. It's been a while but most of my female teachers all kind of looked like they worked in an office on semi casual Friday. I'm honestly not sure if they wore jeans and we were pretty laid back with the dress code compared to some schools. Again I only saw a few clips because i totally forgot about looking up what movie was going to be discussed

Exactly what I was thinking! ok so maybe not compleatly what i was thinking . I will admit at first I was hoping for a crazy army of babies because ... nothing else in this film makes sense so why the fuck not

So now we know what it would sound like if Jason had a twin brother.

these make me think maybe Tyra Banks isn't responsible for smizing after all