Fabio's Socks

Hey Cody! Checking in from the Great Lakes Area to say I liked it

Um... hi soup

err... oops

No, I'm not draft eligible

I'm scouring the waiver wire and I'm going to make a change. I'll drop my jug of milk (Cheeba Hawk really fleeced me on that trade) and I'm picking up Ryan Lochte's Olympic Armed Robbery Story. I also still have an extra 3rd round pick from the Cheeba trade with which I'm still weighing my options

Someone call Lauren Lapkus because this is a real-life Not The Mama situation

Done. Only problem is, I'm already wearing the right cuff. So I guess now we're handcuffed together like those cops in The Mask

Darn I drew souprman in week 1? I have no luck in these fantasy things

None of you guys have a clue about fantasty draft strategy smh With my first rounder, I'm drafing one side of a handcuffs, and with my second rounder I'm getting its handcuff with the other side of the handcuff

As great as that would be, Steve - and believe you me, I yearn for the days when women definitely prove they can sit at a desk indoors and spend their summer posting on an internet alt-comedy forum with the same regularity, wit and veracity of white men - I just don't think we're there yet. Maybe we need Fiona the Forumer because right now, white dudes own online foruming.

I expected the boys to talk about the type of Olympians I always root for, which are the ones who just really believed they could win. That's inspiring to me because that's pretty much all it takes to be an Olympian is just believing harder than the other guys

The only good thing about working until midnight is getting to find out the next guest on my favorite podcast before I go to bed!

Big week of characters for Sean. We heard both Tervis and Rich Mind Vain on Comedy Bang Bang, then Sean really dug deep in his bag of characters on the Handbook: He played the lead role of Michael the Surprisingly Deep Lacrosse Artist In a classic Shakespearean gender swap, Sean also played Michael's own cheerleader girlfriend Lauren He also did a pretty threatening Dean Stantopolis And finally, he did the scariest thing there is, playing yourself And not to be overlooked, Hayes's Mr. Wheeler was electric too

I've heard of burning your chicken, but getting burned by chickn? Ouch

I'm the best there is at what I do, and what I'm doing right now is blowing bubbles so quit hogging the Hubba Bubba, bub

Hey guys, two things: 1. I'll make some sort of joke about how I was gone from the forums last week and I know you guys were all really worried about my safety and really missed all my great content and I'll couch it like a joke but deep down I'll actually hope that's how you guys do feel and that someone will compliment me and say they actually did notice my absence and miss my posts last week. 2. I'll note that I just finished listening to the episode, then I'll set up like I'm going to do some sort of big elaborate review that kind of sounds like it could be negative, then I'll use the completely underused comedic weapon of understatement by just saying "I liked it" OK that covers it byeee everyone see you next week

Welcome to Mel 'Socks' Kiper's 2016 Dream Writer's Room Draft Grades! The excitement of the draft has come and gone, but now it's time to assign completely-informed, legally-binding and totally arbitrary grades to each person's draft class. Pat Walsh: D- Pat's draft philosophy showed little logic and even worse execution. It's not that Kevin Smith was a bad first-rounder (though he doesn't have the sparkle of a typical #1 overall pick). It's that the next two choices (Woody Allen and Quentin Tarantino) were entirely redundant: old white dudes who write stuff. Pat seemed to care less about assembling a functioning team and more about surrounding himself with his twisted version of eye candy. This draft class is less "2 Broke Girls" and more "3 Useless Draft Picks." Kevin Etten: B+ Count the Teck Money pick as good fortune. He was the #1 player on my draft board and was somehow available at 2 thanks to some draft-day overthinking. Kevin gets credit for diversity, snagging Laura CK (#4 on my Big Board) all the way down at 10. Dom Dierkes is a bit of a risk, though, as it appears Sean may veto the selection - that bumps Etten down from an A into solid "B" range. Hayes Davenport: A The Hayesman brought a lot of color and unpredictability to the lineup with the selections of baseball Hall of Famer Wade Boggs and '90s film star Cousin Vinny. Sure, there's some risk to both picks, but as Boggs could tell you, you don't hit homeruns without occasionally swinging for the fences. It's also noteworthy that Hayes didn't choose his on-again, off-again coworker Tom Scharpling, who was publicly campaigning all month to be drafted by Hayes. Sean Clements: A- Sean gets tons of credit for thinking outside the box to get Pizzazz, who I rated as the top musical coordinator in the draft and one of my top 5 sleeper picks. Kelly Oxford is great value at 5 and fits roster needs to a "T." Sean earns points for diversity, but then loses those points for single-handedly filling the staff's entire quota of women with his first two picks. It's also questionable that Sean passed up Kevin Chopsner, as the one thing this roster still sorely needs is chops, preferably for days. Brett Morris: A++ The shocking star of the draft is Engineer Brett, who only had one pick, and that being #11, the very last selection. But 'Mr. Irrelevant' is actually quite relevant this time around. Brett shredded his pick like a Hendrix guitar solo, taking a bonobo, which fills the roster's animal quota and serves as some great native advertising for bonobos.com. It's said that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter for an infinite amount of time will inevitably produce the complete works of William Shakespeare. Well Engineer Brett is now just a typewriter and an infinite amount of time away from having his very own modern bard on staff. The best part? The bonobo is on an extremely team-friendly contract, essentially working for peanuts.

For me it was Milton Bradley. I played a lot of Don't Break The Ice as a kid

Off-topic for this episode, but I was at my grandma's when I noticed one of the scholarly books Sean has written. Here's the table of contents:

Yeah, the forums have been dead ever since the Pokemon boom. I mean, what am I supposed to do while my phone is charging in between Pokemon hunts? Go back to reddit? This forum has ruined all other websites for me

You always want to believe the best about your friends, but I have to put a voice to some fears that are starting to eat at me. Last week, we were given very strong proof that Sean is both a psychopath and a sick fuck (in fact, we even got an admission from Sean himself) and now this week it was pretty heavily implied that Sean tried to drown his Oma in the tub. I hate to be the one to bring it up, but I think there's something wrong with my friend Sean. It might be time for Hayes, Engineer Brett and maybe Steffi to get together and stage an intervention. And they should probably do it soon, before Sean really starts using his devastating circular fighting style to accomplish his own psychopathic ends.

I'm so excited for this episode I can't sleep!

That's fine, I didn't really even want to work for you anyways. That's right. It was all a big joke! The application, the references, the cover letter, the three phone calls checking up on where you were at in the interview process. Just one long, really well-developed bit and not a job I was really really wanting

It's so frustrating when you want to join the 21st century and live a progressive lifestyle but your boss conforms to every stereotype you would expect in a boss and ruins everything

I will apply to do PR/ad copy writing for Gollstone Inc. I know it says 10 years of experience required and I only have 2, but I'll sort of exaggerate my high school years as a camp counselor to make it look better on the actual resume