Jump to content
🔒 The Earwolf Forums are closed Read more... ×

The Shrekronomicon

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Content count

    165

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    2

Posts posted by The Shrekronomicon

  1. Posted

    I did, and I dropped some trivia on him in regards to the subject in question. That said, being Banksy and doing Banksy stuff is like trolling the whole world. Trolling can really hurt people. For example I was e-stalked and trolled for months until I finally had a psychotic break, lost the best friend I ever had because I thought she must have been involved since who else would know so much about me, and now I'm so lonely that I've named my favorite doll after her and cry silently every night as I look into its empty glass eyes. If the hollywood sign means as much to some people as a real true friend meant to me, this Banksy business could be causing widespread depression and suicidal ideation. Be careful out there folks. A lot of us smart-alecs are a lot like deadpool; the jokes are a defense mechanism, and theres only a thin outer layer covering up an irreparably scarred interior. Happy new year.

    • Like 2

  2. Posted

    Hey guys and patron santa, sorry for the cliffhanger, but I've vowed not to continue until I beat Sigma in Megaman X3 and unlocking Zero's laser sword is a real sonofagun to do. if you want though, you can follow me on twitter @shrekronomicon. Its a new account but since no one seems to be latching on to my real @ im gonna try out this catchy name everyone seems to like. At least I know Fabio's Socks said it was good, and one compliment voiced is worth 1 million NOT voiced if compliments are anything like complaints.

     

    and GREGGY! I noticed you did NOT "like" my ghost story, despite claiming you would "be a good boy" and read it. Therefore I can only presume that my subconscious mind will work you in as a villain at some point in this story. SO THERE!

    • Like 4

  7. Posted

    Dear

     

    Edit: Cheers CiscoKid, using CMB's miracle spell I have ripped the bandaid off so you have a nice surprise when you open your browser in the morning. I am doing a back to back double feature of Vampire's Kiss and Last Action Hero tonight, both of which I'm seeing for the first time. Don't worry, the story need not stop. Maybe there's a secret stretch goal of posts we don't even know about that will make the magic stronger.

    • Like 2

  8. Posted

    Penelope crawled out from under the sofa, covered in all the rest of Portabello's eggnog. "That stuff doesnt grow on trees you know." he said cooly, relieved to see her alive. "Are you hurt? What happened? Do you have a treat? I got here as fast as I could. Was it squirrels?" PB was full on word vomitting, not wanting to allow himself to entertain the idea of the Ghost of Sprinkles Knifepaw prowling his new home. "Squirrels?!" she exclaimed incredulously, and sounding quite hammered from drinking a quarter litre of whiskey in one swig, "Squirrelsh woob ne'er do that to a moushe!" PB whined and lay down on the floor making great big eyes at her. He was not in the mood for mystries on Christmas Eve. She piped up her voice trying to convey what she could remember of what she saw. "It looked like tiny Bam-tan..*hic* i mean...Batman. I wassh just flipping through your first edition copoppy of Naked Lunch by Wimmial Ets Browse and when I looked up he was there on the mantle. I dont know who the mouse is, I've never seen that mouse before!" Portabello recalled how much he had cried for cuddles when his great aunt had told him about the huge black cat that had belonged to the house's original owner. Its foot had been run over by a big red wagon and the cat had a knife where its paw should be instead! You can hear him by his footsteps if he gets close they go "pit-patter-TINK pit-patter-TINK" and he has a deep hatred for dogs. It is said that Sprinkles Knifepaw was engaged to be married to an Owl, but back in those days dogs were fervently against inter-kingdom marriages and while the owl escaped by flying away, a pack of corgies ate the cat, resulting in his death. All that was left was the knifepaw, but it hasnt been seen in decades. No one knows where it is. "This is really creeping me out, Bip, come have some cheese and crackers with me in the kitchen while I tell you this story. I found a really cool little cheese knife under the floorboards when I moved in here." PB said, unaware of the scope of the peril they were both truly in.

    • Like 1

  9. Posted

    With fire in his eyes, Portabello leapt in the air and did a 180. If he had been a skateboard there would be a name for the type of twirl he did in mid air. Staring back at the mansion, a bolt of lightning cracked the sky and made the snow glow like a snow globe. He muttered to himself "Here we go again..." before doing a somersault to reach full speed and darting back towards the front door to see what was the matter. It had been mere months since PB had defeated Dr. Dreadlocks the Angry Hippie and his army of Franken-Squirrels. To this day he couldn't help from being terrified of squirrels, after so nearly being Frankensteined into one and ALWAYS shouted to scare them off his property now. The doctors say its PTSD but the local Chipmunks still think he is just a speciesist. Most of the squirrels actually understand and appreciate what this adventure meant for their community, but some of their punk squirrel kids think its funny to scare national hero. It it looked like it was time for another one of Portabello's terrifying escapades. As he burst through the front door, Penelope was nowhere to be seen but above the fireplace somthing grotesque caught his attention. It was a mouse, dead, and crucified upside down. It was then that he remembered the stories of the ghost cat his great aunt used to tell him. But those were just stories...weren't they? "Looks like it's gonna be a long night..."

    • Like 2

  10. Posted

    PB chuckled and shook his head, smiling to himself 'Humans and cars...will they ever learn?' he mused. "Well you're in luck tonight, you're talking to an expert. You see that Tundra parked around the side? I caught it myself. Thing must have been doing 75, but cheetah's arent THE fastest land animal." PB winked at her and put on his business face. "May I ask you name? Please step inside while I put on my turtle costume and boots, it is FREEZING out there."

    "I'm Penelope but everyone calls me Bip. I am supposed to be visiting my uncle Banjo for Christmas Eve dinner. If you can really fix it I promise to bring you some scraps on the way back!"

    The fur on Portabello's shoulders bristled and he felt a little indignant at this stereotyping, but god help him he just couldn't refuse that offer. "I'll see what I can do. Would you like some hot cocoa?" He had barely even noticed the girl inching closer to his eggnog while they spoke, but in the blink of an eye she had downed nearly half of it by the time the word "cocoa" left his lips. He cocked his head to the side, but just rolled his eyes and again thought to himself 'Humans...tks tsk...'

    Already undressed after his drive, he chomped down on the turtle costume and waltzed into the bathroom latching the door behind him, emerging moments later ready to face the weather. He did a vertical hop and landed perfectly in all four of his little boots. Bip was looking redfaced. "Are you going to...like show me the problem? Or..."

    "Oh no, I trust you, I'll just wait here. Oh wow you have the Critereon Collection Blu-Ray of Eraserhead?!" She had been looking over his shelves while he dressed. "I almost hope its busted and we can just stay in and watch this!"

    Intrigued by this human's forwardness but wanting to maintain his dignity, Portabello simply said "Hey, dont forget about those scraps, YOU SAID!" and then waddled out the door with his plushie shell bouncing from side to side and green hood covering up his ears.

    He was almost to the girl's car when he heard her scream.

    • Like 4

  11. Posted

    His first thought was that it might be that bastard of a mailman come to finish him off once and for all. That man always had murder in his eyes. Portabello had already finished his Christmas shopping though, and wasnt expecting any Amazon Prime deliveries...especially at this hour. Just to be certain though, he quietly set down the stein and approached the door as silently as he could before letting out a psychotic series of yips and barkies to scare away that scoundrel as usual. When another knock came, undeterred by this display of power, he became curious who this bold individual could be and began scratching frantically at the wood below the knob before finally flinging it open enthusiastically. "FRIEND OR FOE?!," he demanded while maintaining a polite open-mouthed grin on his face, tongue lolling charmingly out the side. There was a young human woman standing there, a hand-knitted scarf completing a fashion-savvy outfit despite this ungodly weather. "Oh who's a good boy!," she bubbled. "I think youve got the wrong house, miss," he said flirtatiously "but the name's Portabello. Don't worry though, I don't bite. What can I do for ya' this evening?" The chandelier overhead flickered in a ghost way. 'Gotta remember to check that breaker box, those are brand new bulbs' he thought to himself. "My car battery died, or something! do you know anything about cars?" she asked.

    • Like 3

  12. Posted

    I will start, but lets bounce this around and see if we can get so scared of the Oobie Boogies under our armoires and behind our closets that we stay up all Christmas Eve and give Santa Man a high five. I hope he isn't too cheezed that I haven't got milk and cookies. He can have some leftover wonton soup and a bottle of Coffiest Soylent if he wants, though.

     

    Turn on your night lights, people. Here we go!

    _______

     

     

    ~TITLE TBD (a scary holiday yarn)

    by me

     

    It was the coldest winter that Portabello could ever remember. He was only 3 but to a dog, thats old enough to get drunk, and little PB was ready to warm up with a nice eggnog by the fire. He had just gotten back from the grocery store. He hopped out of his Toyota Tundra and was trotting towards the front door with the bags tied together and hanging over either side of his back as he fumbled to find the keys to the front door of the victorian mansion in the mountains of Pennsylvania that he had recently inherited from his great aunt whod been put to sleep that past Spring. Turning the antique skeleton key with his teeth a particularly cool breeze made him squint his eyes all cute and shake the snow out of his ear fur. Eager to get a fire going Portabello used both paws to carefully pour the entirety of the eggnog and wiskey into a large beer stein and set it town on the table next to his favorite armchair, a Morpheus-esque little number with the winged sides and everything, when he heard a knock at the door. He had yet to meet any of the neighbors since moving in so he wondered who it could be...

    • Like 3

  13. Posted

    Oh-ho-ho-ho not AT ALL! In fact you dont even have to be a person at all! Animals can be ghosts and even things that are just stuff, like a doll can be ghosts. To be sure, Scrooge didn't see Marley as a person. Simply a means to an end. But he learned that its not always the ending that matters, but what your story is before the ending happens. I had no choice in MY career change, but I'm not a ghost and I dont think that pays particularly well. Have you ever tried buying food with rattling chains? They shopkeepers look at you like you're full-onn bananna nut muffins CRAZY! but this being Christmas Eve-Eve and all, maybe we can help CiscoKid get his miracle with some good old-fashioned campfire tales. See I'm a product of the Nightmare Before Christmas and the two holidays share a special relationship in my mind. I'm sure the world's first zombie man would understand the notion of his birthday being a time for getting spooked. It makes at much sense as his book-club fans wearing necklaces of that tree he died on that one time. So how about it gang? Are you afraid of no ghosts, or aren't you?

    • Like 3

  17. Posted

    C'mon, C.K., not just anyne can do that. You didn't format the title correctly or use the official episode description. If you want thread starting powers, you gotta wake up PRET-TY early, and have a Howl.fm account to verify your info. Pull it together man, you're better than this.

    • Like 2
×