DaddyLongStrokes

Someday you may find me caught beneath a landslide because my bucket list of passive-aggressive suicide attempts includes yelling very loudly at the base of a snowy mountain.

Lets waste time chasing cars because we're police officers who dislike using allocated tax dollars to bust actual criminals

If you want to be my lover, you have to get with my friends because I'm part of a sex slave ring, and I'm not suppose to get attached to clients.

Who let the dogs out? Who, who, - no but seriously they haven't been seen in hours and there's coyotes in those woods.

If life is a highway and every mile marker is another year lost, I'm looking for the nearest exit that has a Popeye's in the vicinity.

Life is like a box of chocolates because most people are sweet, we're all shades of brown, and looks can be deceiving.

Is that Jack Frost nipping at your nose? Nope, it's Jeffery Dahmer, and your nose is just an appetizer.

My kitten overdosed on a new type of catnip strain called Curiosity, what an idiom!

After going big ball bowling, Bay City boxer Butterbean likes to baste a butterball while watching a ball game