MondoMudbutt

Cheese please. I’m nervous and my Tervis mug has slugs.

Stingy man, he was. Wouldn’t even buy me that 69-inch dildo donkey snorkel set.

Fifty-five bee hive hair wives are alive, thrive, drive and jive to Summer Sun by Death Cab for Cutie.

Tickets are free for whatever guy sees Verne Troyer make some of his own creamy goodness.

Push the feelings down and act normal—the horse you broke up with, Mr. Hands, is walking over.

If you don’t know pain, try losing the love of your life whom you started and immediately stopped dating in elementary school 67 short years ago.

Just drop it—It’s a hot iron for goodness sakes!

Freeze dried catfish stop meowing once they get Fancy Feast.

Throw your caution to the wind, but only if it’s blowing East. If it’s blowing West, you could end up like Leah Remini.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder of the absence of people, because people are awful.

The deed is done. You’ve had your fun. Open wide, here comes your punishment, grandpa...A WHOLE HERSHEY'S CHOCOLATE BAR!

Not once in my life have I regretted eating my cat's feces to win that dime to buy a lemon head.

I never thought I'd see the day when we stop incest. My family is cheesed off.

Peeper in the windows? Take your pants off and touch your toes. Show that peeper a brown hole he'll never forget.

You don't need me for a good time, unless a good time to you means an incredibly loose hole and bowls of Cheetos.

Bungalow 5 is where my cousin died, my mother lied, and where I rubbed one out on repeated occasions.

Five L's go West to find someone to smoke them.

The best way to start your weekend is to relive the week you just hated.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and you've created a crazed recluse.

The horse whisperer whispered sweet whispers into the whiskers of the rat he so dearly loved.

The sky was red and the feds passed wind. We knew we were finally safe.

Bless the heart that feeds the head, for the head goes down until completion.

The frontier was left barren. His penis and balls were now naked.

With all this crazy news, I’d say it’s about time for my annual penetration spa with my dudes.

Green onion bunions, please. My grandmother just passed.