MondoMudbutt

Off the record, I murdered the man with bubbleguts.

A bird in the hand is worth two pubes of my bush.

I got a tummy covered in jelly beans and a hamster with arachnophobia.

If I die today and you find anything under my fingernails, please understand I just ran out of toilet paper.

Is that a fart or are you just happy to see me?

Hopped up on Benadryl and ready for my enema, Doctor.

I just put on a mood ring and it turned dark clay shit brown blood red green. Yep, I’m feelin’ good.

Right about now, I need a cocktail that's as stiff as a cock or a dead horse’s tail.

Thanks to this new trend of biting coins, I’ve now had to get dentures at the ripe age of 27.

What’s short, or can be long, is slender, soft at times and hard at other times? String cheese babyyyy.

Chocolate does NOT look like that.

A diamond lasts forever, and so does in an incurable case of genital giggle queefs.

“I knew that I’d be better off doing it by myself,” said the man with his newly restructured baby hand mere minutes before pleasuring himself.

Stick to the plan you daft peanut-headed numb nuts skin flappin’ chocolate eclair!

By the power ingested in me, I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry. You may eat the broom.

Cumin, dill, steak and flake. The oven made my grandson taste great!

Please stop begging, and I’ll think about giving back the dried up mouse you found behind the couch.

I never meant to be so cold, but you did lock me in a freezer for an hour, Mom.

Nipple clamps and wallaby whistles were never part of the deal and you know it, Mr. Rogers!

If we’re betting grapes, then I’m raisin you a sunbathing Sun Maid.

I remember talking to my grandpa last night before he died while I was talking to him.

The boys and girls they should explore the wettened ground and the holes galore.

Looks like we’ve got a leak out back, so sir, can you just spread ‘em wide and tell me what you feel?

Take a bath and clean the tush and trim the skin and shave the bush.

Rock and roll McDonalds. Big Bush Burger King. Wet my whistle Wendy’s. Penetrate the Subway ring.